NoReasonToSmile

I'm new to sober recovery. My husband has a problem with drugs and alcohol. I don't think he truly wants to stop either so I am faced with some major decisions in the very near future. We have been together 14 years although it's been on and off. We just married this past June. He has been in and out of jail for larcency and the like. He is not a drug abuser to the point that I could hate him. If he were physically abusive or pawning our things or even taking money out of our bank account I could easily walk away but he doesn't. He does abuse himself and we are lacking critical things that a relationship needs to survive. He lies to me, I don't feel he respects me. The biggest thing I see now is that he does not say he'll quit and that scares me. Of course he always tries to give me the "right" answer when we talk about this problem. It really dawned on my last night when I figured out once again that he was lying to me and I confronted him when he came home and he admitted he was out using coccaine. I know that I need to give my best effort to fix our problems and if he doesn't see the light of day then I have to walk away but I know right now I'm no where near strong enough to let him go. In 2001 I actually moved 1200 miles away to try and get him out of my life. I'm hoping that sober recovery will give me support and advice. I'm going to see about counselling too.

Aysha

Unfortunately there really isnt anything you can do for anyone that doesnt want it.
There is lots of support and information here.
try checking out the Family and Friends Section of the boards.
First thing your going to hear is...Take care of you!

lostmdboy

One thing you have to add to the things that he does not do is a "yet", because there is no ends that someone using will go to to get there fix. Atleast I know this for my self. Making the decisions you have in front of you will be hard. If I may I would recomend get a little help either it be counseling, or just a good friend. Someone to talk FtoF is always a good thing.

NoReasonToSmile

thanks - I try to deny the reality of my life with him, i just don't know how to stop loving and caring about him. I am going to seek professional help.

CarolD

Welcome to SR...

You might want to find a peer support group for yourself.
Al anon or Nar alon are free and for those who love addicts.

Keep posting with us..Look at the sticky post in our
Friends and Family Forums.

Blessings to you and your husband

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I am glad that you are seeking help here and also professionally.

I wish peace for you and your husband.

reed

Welcome.

least

Please do take good care of yourself. You have to take care of you, first and foremost. Counseling is a good idea. So is Al Anon. And come here as often as you need to vent and get support. You're in a good place here. :ghug2

Hevyn

My heart goes out to you. I had exactly the same situation years ago. I adored my husband. He had been drinking since age 15. When we married in our early 20's I was going to "fix" everything that was wrong in his life, and "make" him so happy. It worked for awhile, but the disease took him slowly but surely away from me and from the life he could have had. (He passed away 2 yrs. ago but we were divorced long before that.) The difference between you and me is, you are recognizing this and seeking help. I was in denial, and back then didn't even know what that word meant! You must remember, when you are pleading and arguing with him you are pretty much talking to the wall. That is so painful to have to admit. When he is impaired, he's not hearing you and not retaining what you have discussed. When I realized I could no longer communicate with the shell of a person my husband had become, I left. He did go on with his life, never completely stopped drinking, and we tried to reconcile but I could smell alcohol on him even when he would come to meet me to discuss getting back together. Faced with losing everything, he still could not kick it. I had to give up on him and to this day it haunts me. That's why SR is so valuable to people like us, we need desperately to see that we aren't the only ones suffering through this.

adore79

Welcome to SR.