smt1983

i have recently (like an hour ago haha) come to the realization that i am very, very, very angry. angry at myself, at my family, at my friends, angry at EVERYTHING. it is like is is consuming every fiber of me. for some reason i have a feeling that this is normal? i can't be the only one that has felt like this before? i really hope this calms down or i can figure out how to get to the root of it pretty quickly...

nandm

I found that in early recovery I was quite angry at everything including myself. I also fought with a rollercoaster of emotions. This did ease and it was worth the struggle in the long run to stay sober. Hang in there it does get better.

smt1983

thanks nandm. i have recently realized that my emotions will come on REALLY strong and then taper off for a while, and then either that emotion or one that is totally opposite will do the same and etc etc. i guess feeling things is a good thing, especially when i have taught myself not to feel for a very long time.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Samantha,

I've just realized with over a tad year sober that I FEEL everything very strongly. I figure that I squashed feelings for so very long, I have to go beyond what's considered normal in order to find a happy medium eventually.

Hang in there!

lovingseren

It's all about balance, it just takes time and practice to get there!

Been there, done that, and ripped up the T shirt with my bare teeth. lol

Seren

Anna

Yes, I definitely had the same feelings. I was trying to figure things out and really looked at what I was feeling. I realized that most of the anger was directed at myself. I was angry that I had gotten myself into the situation of being an addict. How could I have let that happen? I wasn't stupid...and on and on. So, I realized that I had to learn forgiveness and especially forgiving myself. That has been a long road. For me, forgiveness wasn't something that came in an aha moment. It was many times of small moments that kind of grew on themselves.

Bottom line, be kind to yourself and you'll get through this.

Aysha

Only emotion I had was anger before and during my first attempts at recovery.
I was fighting..argueing..challenging....everyone.
I dont even know what I was angry about.
I kinda think now because I didnt like feeling I was weak to my addiction. It took me a very long time to admit I was powerless and needed help. And that I couldnt do it on my own.
Second reason..I wasnt really ready to give my drugs up.
But after time it goes away.
I use to have very rageful dreams toward my grandmother. I mean RAGE!!!!!!
I would never be that way to her.
I still get that way sometimes. But I talk it out with someone and get another view of my anger.
It took me alot of self reflecting to figure out why I was so angry at everything for.
Over time I found most of it was nothing at all.

smt1983

thanks everyone. in response to being 'ready' to quit and begin recovery...is anyone ever really 'ready'?? i don't know, i don't feel like i am ready by any means (meaning that getting drunk, which was my first thought when i realized the anger thing, is still so much a part of me) i WANT to change, i know i NEED and HAVE to change. but am i READY?? how do you know?

Aysha

I knew I was ready. Even tho I have slipped once or twice. I am not perfect.
I knew when the thought of the consequences outweighed the thoughts of wanting to get high.
I knew when I finally took myself to a meeting and let others f2f into my world with fearless hope.
I KNOW...I am getting better and all good things take time and hard work.
I also KNOW that I want to live and have a good life without being a raging maniac.
I just know more and more everyday.
I AM ready.

Impurrfect

When I first got clean, I wasn't ready to accept that I could never use again, but I was ready to not use for that day. The next day, I did the same thing...sometimes an hour at a time. After many days strung together of not using (more like weeks), it got easier.

As for anger, the majority of my anger when I was newly recovering was at myself. I was angry that I had to give up using, angry that I had really screwed up my life, and angry that I had to deal with all the consequences I'd brought on myself.

Luckily, I have some very supportive people in my life. I came here to SR, lurked for a few months and realized I wasn't alone, and finally logged in and have many, many more wonderful friends to help me walk this recovery road.

With a year of clean time, I'm still dealing with some of the consequences. It's okay, though, because I know that as long as I stay clean, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and reach out to my friends, I'll be okay.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy