workinonit

Today is my day 12. Almost caved last night for reasons I couldn’t even explain to myself, but I took myself somewhere safe and made it. I’ve been really lucky to not suffer any physical withdraw symptoms through this, and I’ve dealt with the temptation better than I thought I could.

But I still feel so overwhelmed. It occurs to me at all points during the day how far I let myself go, and how hard it will be to be ‘back’. Relationships to be repaired, wasted time to make up for, etc. Not to mention the unhealthy alcohol weight I’ve accrued or the dehydrated skin. I’m not even thirty and have a hard time with the three flights of stairs up to my office. There are just countless things I've screwed up.

Going to have to crawl before I can walk again, but…damned if the road ahead doesn’t look so long and daunting it makes me consider just giving up.

ANGELINA243

Congrats on 12 days! :ghug2

nandm

Quote:

Originally Posted by workinonit

Going to have to crawl before I can walk again, but…damned if the road ahead doesn’t look so long and daunting it makes me consider just giving up.

This is exactly why you will hear "one day at a time" so much in recovery. Basically what it means is you only have today, tomorrow is tomorrow, yesterday is yesterday. You can not change yesterday or tomorrow. But you can change today. Yes, you can affect tomorrow with the changes you make today but that is not the same as changing it. When you start feeling overwhelmed break what is overwhelming down into just what you can do today. Leave the rest for the tomorrows. You are only human. If all you can do today is not pick up a drink there is nothing wrong with that. The day when you can start cleaning up the wreckage of your past will come and when that day gets here you will find the strength to take care of is as long as you have taken care of yourself one day at a time to build that strength. You can do this.

Just a thought but you might find a recovery program beneficial. Many have. There are a multitude of them out there. There is a link at the top of the alcoholism forum that shows how to contact many of them. Personally AA is the program that has worked for me but we have members here who represent many different recovery methods. Good luck to you. Don't let your head spin on the tomorrows just work on what you can do today and before you know it you will be able to look back and realize how much you have already cleaned up by just taking it one day at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. The wreckage of our alcoholism did not occur in just one day. It will take more than one day to clean it up.

Anna

It really is frightening to look back, with wide-open eyes, at the messes we've made during our addiction. It actually stopped me from being able to stop because I just had no idea how I would cope with it all. And, the first thing I had to learn was patience, patience and more patience. Things don't get fixed over night, but you can get through all of it. You can continue moving forward down the road of recovery.

Aysha

I am right there with you in more ways than you know.
But Nan is right. Today is all we have.
I read through some of my very early posts here the other night.
What a mess I was. Out of control and clueless. Didnt want to hear nothing from nobody.
Reading that was a huge eye opener and made me so grateful for...
1. I wasnt banned from here. I was really bad.
2. I finally surrendered.
3. I finally accepted I couldnt do it alone.
4. For the awesome people here for putting up with me and still supporting me.
5. For the huge progress I think I have made even though I dont have but 3 weeks. I am changing everyday for the better.
6. For my family enduring what I put them through and never giving up on me.
7. And most of all for being alive to even try again.

My point is...Things take time. And sometimes the changes arent so obvious. But they are there.
I am so glad you didnt cave. That IS progress. And just let a little more light in on you path to recovery.
Sometimes we have to stop looking for the flaws and negative aspects of our situations and be grateful for the good and positive ones.

Dee74

all really great points here - yesterday's gone, tomorrow's not here yet. Deal with what you can, a bit at a time

welcome workinonit!

D

workinonit

Thanks everyone Being here is definatly helping.

lovingseren

Baby Steps, and be gentle with yourself.....focus on NOW....The Present.

One foot in front of the other, before you know it, you will have gone a long way.

Congrats on Day 12....you are pretty much detoxed now.......you never have to go back to day one ever again !!

Seren


ps Sobriety is the gift that keeps on giving, including our health, our skin, our hair and our attitude.

Impurrfect

It does seem overwhelming when you look at everything at once. Thing is, we don't have to repair all the harm done at one time, in fact it's impossible.

We stay clean/sober, put one foot in front of the other, and work on recovery. We learn to be grateful for things, and before you know it, it's not so overwhelming any more.

12 days is great!!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy