lostgirl89

Last nite was the first nite in a long time that I havent drank myself to the point of blackout and passed out, in as long as I can remember( oh well, that's not very long!! ) I would sleep for a few minutes and wake up, and my body ached, and I couldnt get comfortable. but I made it to the morning. now durring the daylight hours, dealing with a husband who has heard a million times that I'll quit, and he's ready to leave me, because he thinks Im unhappy with him and that's why I drink.. How can he trust me when I cant trust myself.
I want to thank everyone who was so nice to comment and send me welcomes, and words of encouragement!! It's nice to not be judged. Be patient with me, as I am fumbling around the website trying to get my "sea legs" under me.

Mattcake

Hi lostgirl,

It's pretty common to sleep fitfully for a while after quitting alcohol; it should get better soon. I find that climbing into bed steadily and covering up with sheets of sobriety sure beats dropping into bed in a drunken stupor

Maybe you should concentrate on yourself for now; withdrawal and recovery is hard enough without the nagging household issues. Have some faith in yourself

Keep posting.

Matt

CarolD

Glad you made it thru the night...

You may want to read this link
with information and some of our personal experiences

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Please note that not everyone is the same

Treat yourself gently ...especially in early sobriety.

Anna

Hey Lostgirl,

I think we do understand how difficult early sobriety is and I'm so glad you made it through the night. Be patient with yourself and your husband. Stay focused on your recovery and you will, once again, be able to trust yourself and your husband will see the change in you.

warrens

Lostgirl

I write as a man with 4 weeeks of sobriety. I was a rather functional alcoholic, but alcoholic nonetheless.

First, well done! I think sleep and other physical symptoms of withdrawal vary widely. A lot of variables there. What seems to be constant however, is that one's general physical health begins to improve in a short time. Mine sure has, and I was not a "heavy" drinker.

Second, I think the issues with your husband are probably many. For him to assume that unhappiness with him is THE cause of your drinking is both a "stretch" and ignorance of the disease. I use ignorance very politely. It is not stupidity, but simply lack of awareness of the bio-psycho-social-spiritual roots of the disease. Thank god that the majority of people ARE ignorant when it comes to this disease. It is a blameless condition, but it often makes things more difficult for the addict.

As for trust, well I think you have that one right. Like I don't expect M'lady to "understand" my disease, I don't expect her to trust me fully any time soon. If she did, she'd be a fool. All I can do is demonstrate by my behavior that I am worth loving. That is what I want right now. "Acceptance" vs "understanding" and love vs trust. The other stuff will work out in time or it won't.

I suspect that the reason he's heard "I'll quit" a million times is that you said it for HIM. It sounds that perhaps this is different and that you might actually be dealing with your disease for YOU. A huge difference, in my opinion. All I can tell M'lady is that I have 30 days under my belt and I fully plan to have 31 tomorrow. My behavior will tell the story.

Wouldn't it be great to tell others on day one "Trust me, I'm through!" Yeah right. When will you trust yourself? I wonder if I will trust myself in 5 years. In some ways, I hope not.

Have a good night tonight...

warrens

RK2007

That all important first night can sometimes be the most difficult. Great effort, well done. Keep it going.

lostgirl89

Well, now that I've read some of your posts on withdrawals, Im scared to death!! I dont have time to take off of work, I am my only employee...I cant possibly get to a dr. till the end of next week. A facility is definately not an option. I know my husband isnt going to understand. I did go thru vicoden and soma withdrawls after my back surgery, and that was 3 nites of wishing I was dead, showers, pain. I can only imagine what this is going to do to my poor body, I have a sensitive system as it is ( had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago, so Im sure the alcohol has done wonders for my "baby stomach") I just know I need to stop, Ive done enough damage, my abdomin is poofy, and sore, and Ive done some sort of nerve damage to my right eyein the last few months. I dont know how Im going to do this ??????

RK2007

You made it through last night, but if you start to feel weird/funny you should go down the ER.

I tried to withdraw on my own but I drank so much it became almost impossible for me and I had to keep drinking until I was able to see a doc, luckily I got an appointment the next day.

Wishing you all the best, remember - be safe whatever you do.

indeep

Last night was the first sober night after my latest binge and I slept fitfully also. I woke up several times and had to change my shirt twice because I was sweating so heavily. Hopefully, the persperation is a sign that my body is getting rid of the toxins. What is strange is my binge lasted less than 4 days and my body is reacting the same as if I had been hitting the bottle for months. I hope that tonight is better for us!

lostgirl89

I called this afternoon to get an appointment with my doctor, but she is booked until april 2nd ( my middle daughters 16th bday!!) How am I going to make it that long?? I had them put me on the cancellation list...fingers crossed. I found a lot of useful and informative things today on the site.
I sent this example to my husband in hopes of him understanding me

"The alcoholic appears to be using alcohol to solve his problems. His drinking appears to be an effort to drown his depression, forget work or marriage difficulties, obliterate loneliness and insecurities, and ease mounting tensions.

The reality, however, is very different from the appearance. In reality, an abnormal physiological reaction is causing the alcoholic's increasing psychological and emotional problems. Something has gone wrong inside."

His comment back was " what does that mean for you?"

Ive tried more in the last 48 hours than I have in years, and what do I get??? more frustration!!! ugh!!
I guess Im just going to get fat again. Traded eatting in for drinking after stomach surgery, now all I've done all day is eat!!! Maybe I'll just get my jaw wired shut so I cant do either??

RK2007

You should clear out the house of all sugary snacks and other fattening foods and just fill it up with fruit - if you're worried that is, but also remember that the alcohol you've been drinking is full of calories too and you're cutting that out completely, so I guess it might be okay to eat a little extra.

When you get hungry just eat a bit of fruit, after a couple of weeks doing that you get so used to it you actually start to enjoy the fruit.

Give it a try.

lostgirl89

Well, my day at work is about to end, and now the real work begins...My internet is down at the house, so I cant sit on the website all nite reading...I should probably lock myself in my bedroom, and sort thru my clothes, but then again, my room is where I lock myself up in and drink...He's hardly ever home at nite, and I have teenage girls who are usually locked in their room talking on their cell phones, so what else is there for me to do. I guess I'll figure something out...this has felt really good today to get somethings off my chest, sorry if im boring all of you reading my posts. I suffer from "sticking everything in my little black box in my chest, and shutting the lid so no one has to worry about my worries" but somedays the black box is too full, and I cant keep the crude from getting out!! I know I internalize everything. Do whatever I have to do to make everyone else happy. shut up and suck it up. I bite my tongue alot, walk 4 steps behind everyone...easier to be the drunk in the corner, atlease I cant remember how bad I feel about myself once I cross that oh so fine line where my mental recorder just magically shuts off, and It's fine till I have to try and fit the pieces together in the morning. Boy what a great life I lead.

reed

Don't feel bad about your little black box. We all carry them around with us. It's best not to let them fill up as the burden may become to great for us. That's why SR is a good place, cause it's a safe place to share. I hope all is well and stay strong.

angie9

All the best lostgirl Im going into rehab on Monday tho its not residential just a day programme Im looking forward to moving forward. I have a undertsanding tho probably very tired husband nad also have lost custody of my children :0( this is my last chance and that in itself can be so dam scary

lostgirl89

Be strong girl!!! You have the weekend to get all prepared for monday!!! I'll be sending you positive thoughts!!!

kitkatmc

Hi Lostgirl just remember we are all here thinking and supporting each other, I just went for a great long walk around the lakes by us and was looking at the wildlife and natural surroundings, something that I wouldnt normally do because id be in a bar somewhere. Try some different stuff to do it helped me , Im only 2 days in sobriety, keep me posted how you are coping Regards Michael

lostgirl89

Thanks Michael, My biggest problem is not drinking at nite...durring the day 7 days a week im a slave to my business. Drinking was how I came down from the stress of the day...I've spent the last 3 days trying to get caught up on household things Ive ignored cause I'd rather drinking (ex. finding all my empty stashed bottles!!! bad girl!!! lol) I cant wait till the weather gets a bit better... Im jealous you have lakes near you to walk...mine are a ways away... anyhoo...thanks for everything again...talk to you soon...
Me

teej

What do you do? If you don't want to answer thats ok!! I used to have a video store.