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Old 03-13-2008, 06:40 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Intro .. I think I've finally found a place for help


I've been reading over this site early this am. Looks like a good place for help!

Right now, my 27 yo son who just got out of jail ..again.. and who won't take his anti-psychosis meds, just went out and got high... again.. on meth. My 16 yo daughter, a meth and crack addict, has coughed all night, coming down from ..probably meth, hasn't slept in 3 days. My husband spent the last 4 days drunk.. and gone some of that time.. to a meth dealers home where he ran into out daughter. My 23 yo son is both alcoholic, drinks every day, anywhere from a 6 to a 12 pack and sometimes plus a quart of Mad Dog. And its beginning to look like my 15 yo son is also becoming alcohol dependant. My church pastors call me the enabler.

What am I to do? Run away? I went to Al Anon for over 10 years with my exhusband who was also an alchoholic who was also in AA. I worked the program, I understand the what an enabler is. The way my church pastors call me an enabler though, I get the feeling its my fault my family members are addicts.

I have two grandsons we have adopted who are the bio sons of my 27 son. Both he and his girlfriend, their mother, are meth addicts and the children were taken from them by CPS.

I have many questions, many worries. I don't even know where to begin. I have been overwhelmed for so long and glad to have found a forum that addresses my concerns.
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I suggest that you do whatever you can to take care of yourself.

Going back to AlAnon could be helpful for you.
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:59 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Well, my wife took care of herself and let me be me figuring I would figure it out myself and quit on my own. Well while I thought of it a couple of times, I never did until she came out and said either I quit or she was leaving, well I quit, but she's leaving anyways, says she hasn't loved me for five years, and while I love her, even more now that I have been sober for 38 days I can understand why she can't let me into her heart again.

I do have a hard time that she won't try to live with me sober for a while and give me a chance but I guess our whole marriage was a chance. Now I leave my drinking and my divorce up to God.

What you need to remember is it is NOT your fault, substance abusers blame everyone but themselves and will not quit until they have hit bottom or decide deep in their heart to quit.

You have a hard situation because you are surrounded by substance abusers so I think you should get help for yourself first and then decide where to go from there. I think a psychiatrist would be a good place to start as well as possibly some substance abuse support groups that are out there. It doesn't sound like your church is very helpful, maybe you should find another one.

Well I'm certainly no expert but do feel pain for your situation, I hope this helps a little.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Can you see a sympathetic doctor? this must be so stressful for you. Or some therapy? Please put yourself first.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome 22NGone! Glad that you found us! This site has been a blessing to me! There are many here who give out their ESH ( Experience, Strength & Hope) which has embraced my life and let me know that I'm not alone.

You are not alone you have found a great place! With Al-Anon, Counseling and SR I have learned a lot-Maybe trying another route such as one on one counseling might be a trick for you!

Take care of yourself-please keep posting and check out some of the stickies-in the Friends and Family Forum-

Sorry that you are going through this and glad you are here!
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi!
Welcome! This is a great forum and their is often a fair bit of good advice and wisdome to be shared.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It must be difficult - but certainly not impossible to fix.
I noticed you did not say wether you are drinking/using.
I agree with what others have said above, take care of yourself and go to A.A. or N.A. - maybe you could set a good example for your family by showing them how much better life is when we're sober.
Let us know how you're doing. Take care.:praying
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR
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Old 03-13-2008, 08:19 AM   #8 (permalink)
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My heart goes out to you.
Glad you are here. Check out Friends and Family section.
Lots of support here.
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Old 03-13-2008, 09:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi azuresky and welcome to SR. I agree with the people who said to take care of yourself first, maybe some councilling? You will be in a much better place to help your kids find the right path if you yourself are in a good place.
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Old 03-13-2008, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome to SR

It is not your fault that family drinks or drugs. Some addicted will put the blame on other people. It is just a way to justify their use. And some will truly believe that they use for a reason.

I know family and friends will help support you. And if you want to understand addictions from the people that have suffered with it. Ask here or the abuser form. I think that is why open meetings are good so people can get an understanding of both sides.
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Old 03-13-2008, 11:12 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I just wanted to chime in: welcome to SR azuersky I hope you find some level of peace with the help of this community.

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Old 03-13-2008, 01:29 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks for all responses. I really do agree I need help.. and probably some psychiactric help too. Sometimes I think I am losing it. I'm both very angry and depressed. I go through cycles of thinking I can help them, only to find I am utterly powerless.

I will definitely check out the other forums appropriate for me. Thanks again all.
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