New here, starting today
I am McLovin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
New here, starting today
I've actually been here several months ago, but too chicken to post. Today I think I hit bottom, I've been drinking for about 15 years, many of them heavily.
I managed to do really well in college despite this, and have a really good job. Somehow I've been functional enough to drink a pint of liquor (or more) and show up to work the next morning. So I tell myself I have it under control. But I still have episodes where I call in sick (hungover), and I have even gone to work drunk. I have even snuck shots in the breakroom.
How I convinced myself I don't have a problem is mind-boggling. This last year, 2007, was my best year in a long time, I went a few periods (a couple weeks to a few months dry) But it seemed the longer I would stay dry, the worse my relapse. Last weekend I went on a 3 day bender causing me to miss 2 days of work. I lied to my boss and told him I had a family member in the hospital.
This afternoon I was sitting on the couch, my wife and brother-in-law were in a great mood, he just got a great job offer and a raise. I was miserable, I couldn't talk to them. So I decided to just man-up and headed off to an AA meeting (my first).
I'm scared of AA, partly because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Actually no...that's exactly why. I got up and introduced myself and told my story, and stayed late after it was over, talking to some members. One of them told me about the big book, took me over to buy it, gave me a chip with a prayer on it, and his business card.
After reading just a few pages it is painfully clear I have a problem, and my attempts to do this solo will not work. So here I am, preparing myself to surrender and finally take control of my life.
I'm an internet geek, so this site also looks like a cool place to hang out too. Looking forward to a sober day tomorrow.
I managed to do really well in college despite this, and have a really good job. Somehow I've been functional enough to drink a pint of liquor (or more) and show up to work the next morning. So I tell myself I have it under control. But I still have episodes where I call in sick (hungover), and I have even gone to work drunk. I have even snuck shots in the breakroom.
How I convinced myself I don't have a problem is mind-boggling. This last year, 2007, was my best year in a long time, I went a few periods (a couple weeks to a few months dry) But it seemed the longer I would stay dry, the worse my relapse. Last weekend I went on a 3 day bender causing me to miss 2 days of work. I lied to my boss and told him I had a family member in the hospital.
This afternoon I was sitting on the couch, my wife and brother-in-law were in a great mood, he just got a great job offer and a raise. I was miserable, I couldn't talk to them. So I decided to just man-up and headed off to an AA meeting (my first).
I'm scared of AA, partly because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Actually no...that's exactly why. I got up and introduced myself and told my story, and stayed late after it was over, talking to some members. One of them told me about the big book, took me over to buy it, gave me a chip with a prayer on it, and his business card.
After reading just a few pages it is painfully clear I have a problem, and my attempts to do this solo will not work. So here I am, preparing myself to surrender and finally take control of my life.
I'm an internet geek, so this site also looks like a cool place to hang out too. Looking forward to a sober day tomorrow.
Philippines/Canada
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Left Coast
Posts: 454
Great news, welcome. Glad to hear you are not in denial anymore. This is the beginning of your journey to getting well. Sounded like you were well on your way to the final stages of alcoholism. Dont be afraid to lean on your new friend, there are many more to come 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Montreal
Posts: 142
Welcome!
Take it a day at a time. I am coming back myself right now. And I know about the pain and shame you must be going through. Don't ever give up on yourself. And stick around. People are great here! Lots of help and support if you need it.
Take it a day at a time. I am coming back myself right now. And I know about the pain and shame you must be going through. Don't ever give up on yourself. And stick around. People are great here! Lots of help and support if you need it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
congrats on beginning a sober life. you will not be starting it alone, as I slipped yesterday, after reaching four days sober, now I have to start all over. So you are not alone. We can do this.:praying
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Congratulations on Your Decision & Welcome to SR!
It's wonderful that you finally got the courage to post. Besides the obvious, we all help each other on our continuing journey, this also gives those who are shy. new in the Program or whatever reason, have a hard time sharing face to face with others.
I hope you continue to post and share your journey with us!
God Bless & Thank God, . . . Just for Today,
Judy:ghug2
It's wonderful that you finally got the courage to post. Besides the obvious, we all help each other on our continuing journey, this also gives those who are shy. new in the Program or whatever reason, have a hard time sharing face to face with others.
I hope you continue to post and share your journey with us!
God Bless & Thank God, . . . Just for Today,
Judy:ghug2
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
tesquizito welcome to SR.
Man that is awesome, an awful lot of us die before we ever man up!!!! The disease of alcoholism is crazy!!!! Alcoholism is the only disease where one of the main symptoms is the denial of the disease!!!
Just to let you know, the reason the man gave you his business card is because he wants you to call him. Keep going to AA, get a sponsor, work the steps and you will learn that one of the best ways to stay sober for an alcoholic is to work with another alcoholic. You calling him will help him stay sober just as much as it will help you to stay sober.
Give him a buzz, trust me he will not be put out, he will thank you for calling him. When I first came into the rooms I was fresh out of detox, my head was still in a fog, but I wanted to stay sober more then anything else in my life and in detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
I got out of detox, found an AA meeting that night, I had no idea what a sponsor did or did not do, but I knew I wanted one so after the meeting was over I walked up to this guy who looked like he wouldn't bite me and asked him to be my sponsor! He said NO!!!!! He said he would be my temporary sponsor and he would help me find one that fit me, he also said that it might be him, but it was up to me.
His first suggestion to me was to get other mens phone numbers and call him and 2 other men in AA every night even if it was just to say hi! I hated calling people on the phone, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I knew darn well no one wanted to talk to me!! Well it turned out these guys I was calling were thanking me for calling them, sometimes we just BSed, other times we talked about staying sober and AA.
In reality what all those phone calls did was to make me comfortable calling people on the phone whether I needed to or not. At about 2 months sober I had a major blow up I was madder then hell and wanted a drink bad, I called one of the guys in AA I had been talking to instead and the urge/need for a drink went away!
You are started on the path that has led millions to long term happy sobriety.
So I decided to just man-up and headed off to an AA meeting (my first).
I'm scared of AA, partly because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Actually no...that's exactly why. I got up and introduced myself and told my story, and stayed late after it was over, talking to some members. One of them told me about the big book, took me over to buy it, gave me a chip with a prayer on it, and his business card.
After reading just a few pages it is painfully clear I have a problem, and my attempts to do this solo will not work. So here I am, preparing myself to surrender and finally take control of my life.
I'm scared of AA, partly because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Actually no...that's exactly why. I got up and introduced myself and told my story, and stayed late after it was over, talking to some members. One of them told me about the big book, took me over to buy it, gave me a chip with a prayer on it, and his business card.
After reading just a few pages it is painfully clear I have a problem, and my attempts to do this solo will not work. So here I am, preparing myself to surrender and finally take control of my life.
Just to let you know, the reason the man gave you his business card is because he wants you to call him. Keep going to AA, get a sponsor, work the steps and you will learn that one of the best ways to stay sober for an alcoholic is to work with another alcoholic. You calling him will help him stay sober just as much as it will help you to stay sober.
Give him a buzz, trust me he will not be put out, he will thank you for calling him. When I first came into the rooms I was fresh out of detox, my head was still in a fog, but I wanted to stay sober more then anything else in my life and in detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.
I got out of detox, found an AA meeting that night, I had no idea what a sponsor did or did not do, but I knew I wanted one so after the meeting was over I walked up to this guy who looked like he wouldn't bite me and asked him to be my sponsor! He said NO!!!!! He said he would be my temporary sponsor and he would help me find one that fit me, he also said that it might be him, but it was up to me.
His first suggestion to me was to get other mens phone numbers and call him and 2 other men in AA every night even if it was just to say hi! I hated calling people on the phone, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I knew darn well no one wanted to talk to me!! Well it turned out these guys I was calling were thanking me for calling them, sometimes we just BSed, other times we talked about staying sober and AA.
In reality what all those phone calls did was to make me comfortable calling people on the phone whether I needed to or not. At about 2 months sober I had a major blow up I was madder then hell and wanted a drink bad, I called one of the guys in AA I had been talking to instead and the urge/need for a drink went away!
You are started on the path that has led millions to long term happy sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Medina, Ohio
Posts: 372
Congrats on your first big step, going to AA. It was hard for me to go as well but once I was there I was overwhelmed with the support. Go to as many different meetings as possible and find one you like for each day. Pick you favorite for your home group and then listen, listen, listen. Pick someone with years of sobriety to be your sponsor and go from there. You have a disease, it is nothing to be ashamed of.
My favorite thing I've heard at an AA Meeting was "The best explanation of recovery is the silence of doing the next right thing." That meant a lot to me.
My favorite thing I've heard at an AA Meeting was "The best explanation of recovery is the silence of doing the next right thing." That meant a lot to me.
I am McLovin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
Thanks everyone for the kind replies.
After a restless night of sleep, went to work in the morning, conducted my early meetings. Went to another AA meeting closer to my work for lunch.
The only weird thing about that is co-workers asking where you're going to lunch, because sometimes we go together depending on the restaurant. I'm not prepared to announce this to my company, I also don't like to lie (although in my first post, obviously when I'm drunk I do).
Came home at my regular time, went grocery shopping w/ my wife, made a simple healthy dinner, watched some TV, now we're in bed.
I feel like I'll sleep better tonight, hopefully.
Bookmarked the local AA site on my computer at work, plan to seek out another meeting tomorrow.
Thing is, I'm really not afraid of tomorrow, or the weekend, or maybe even next week. But when another relapse hits, whenever it decides to rear it's ugly head, it will come with a vengeance. And it will be coming to destroy me.
I'm trying to have as much ammunition ready, because, I can't afford to keep doing this.
After a restless night of sleep, went to work in the morning, conducted my early meetings. Went to another AA meeting closer to my work for lunch.
The only weird thing about that is co-workers asking where you're going to lunch, because sometimes we go together depending on the restaurant. I'm not prepared to announce this to my company, I also don't like to lie (although in my first post, obviously when I'm drunk I do).
Came home at my regular time, went grocery shopping w/ my wife, made a simple healthy dinner, watched some TV, now we're in bed.
I feel like I'll sleep better tonight, hopefully.
Bookmarked the local AA site on my computer at work, plan to seek out another meeting tomorrow.
Thing is, I'm really not afraid of tomorrow, or the weekend, or maybe even next week. But when another relapse hits, whenever it decides to rear it's ugly head, it will come with a vengeance. And it will be coming to destroy me.
I'm trying to have as much ammunition ready, because, I can't afford to keep doing this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
Hi!
Welcome!
I'm happy for you that you've come out and introduced yourself.
Needless to say then that you already know of the good advice and wisdome that's often shared in this forum.
We're all here to help. :ghugLet us know how you're doing.
Good luck.
Welcome!
I'm happy for you that you've come out and introduced yourself.
Needless to say then that you already know of the good advice and wisdome that's often shared in this forum.
We're all here to help. :ghugLet us know how you're doing.
Good luck.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Hi and Welcome,
I'm glad you found us and that you have decided to live a sober life.
Don't feel pressure to tell anyone where you're going at noon or why you're not drinking. If you want to at some point, that's fine, but you don't need to rush into anything. For now, just take care of yourself.
I'm glad you found us and that you have decided to live a sober life.
Don't feel pressure to tell anyone where you're going at noon or why you're not drinking. If you want to at some point, that's fine, but you don't need to rush into anything. For now, just take care of yourself.
I am McLovin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Santa Clara, CA
Posts: 144
Hi again, last post in this thread. I think there are dedicated posts for people to post daily, so I'll be moving there. I still want to keep this site as part of my daily recovery.
I'll work on posting more supportive posts throughout the board as well. I've been known to be encouraging on the quit-smoking support forum I've been a part of. I've just been climbing out of my own personal hole the last few days.
Today was great. Productive day at work, Hit up another AA meeting. Cooked an awesome dinner, finished my income taxes.
Feeling a little bad because I'd like to get back into my exercise/meditation regiment (helped me a ton to stop smoking), but I can't do that and *and* go to 1-2 AA meetings everyday, like they want me to.
So I'm going to try to spread it all out and hopefully I'm doing the right thing.
3 days sober
3 days smober
I'll work on posting more supportive posts throughout the board as well. I've been known to be encouraging on the quit-smoking support forum I've been a part of. I've just been climbing out of my own personal hole the last few days.
Today was great. Productive day at work, Hit up another AA meeting. Cooked an awesome dinner, finished my income taxes.
Feeling a little bad because I'd like to get back into my exercise/meditation regiment (helped me a ton to stop smoking), but I can't do that and *and* go to 1-2 AA meetings everyday, like they want me to.
So I'm going to try to spread it all out and hopefully I'm doing the right thing.
3 days sober
3 days smober
smileyologist and lord of bees
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: mourning smileys near you
Posts: 2,508
Glad to hear you're doing so well, keep up the good work.
PS - a relapse isn't inevitable, so don't be afraid of it; as long as you stick to what you're doing, a relapse won't happen...
PS - a relapse isn't inevitable, so don't be afraid of it; as long as you stick to what you're doing, a relapse won't happen...
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