OK..What gives?
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
OK..What gives?
Ok..Anxiety hittin hard right now.
Over stupid stuff. I bought my car a couple days ago. I want my seat covers I like in it. Grams is like she doesnt like them because they are leopard print and black. I love them. Everything I own is black and animal print. I put them in. SHe's like well do they look good. Why you want those things.
And I want to go to a meeting in the next town. Shes like " Why you gotta go there? You might need that gas."
I love my grams more than life itself. But she just get to me sometimes. I dont think she grasps some things. Like when I do screw up the first thing she is worried about is the money factor. She gets all bent because I spent money and I may miss work. I completely understand. But she has a money hang up all the time. And I do too. But what is the gas compared to bettering my recovery?
I put it like that and she stopped. But I know what she is thinking still.
It's always about money first.
And thats my car. I bought it. If I want bright orange polka dots all over it so what?!
I need to chill.
I just feel like a little kid all the time.
My actions for the past many years have proven why. But how am I to grow if I keep getting the same reactions?
I am not pointing fingers in any way. But being treated like that all my life has added to me being so irresponsible. I cant live without her. But I need to cut those apron strings.
Over stupid stuff. I bought my car a couple days ago. I want my seat covers I like in it. Grams is like she doesnt like them because they are leopard print and black. I love them. Everything I own is black and animal print. I put them in. SHe's like well do they look good. Why you want those things.
And I want to go to a meeting in the next town. Shes like " Why you gotta go there? You might need that gas."
I love my grams more than life itself. But she just get to me sometimes. I dont think she grasps some things. Like when I do screw up the first thing she is worried about is the money factor. She gets all bent because I spent money and I may miss work. I completely understand. But she has a money hang up all the time. And I do too. But what is the gas compared to bettering my recovery?
I put it like that and she stopped. But I know what she is thinking still.
It's always about money first.
And thats my car. I bought it. If I want bright orange polka dots all over it so what?!
I need to chill.
I just feel like a little kid all the time.
My actions for the past many years have proven why. But how am I to grow if I keep getting the same reactions?
I am not pointing fingers in any way. But being treated like that all my life has added to me being so irresponsible. I cant live without her. But I need to cut those apron strings.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
You do need to chill. Don't sweat the small stuff - it only builds and builds until it gives you something to run away from, you know?
It's your car. Do what you want.
and as for the money thing - your Grams is from another generation - just a different focus. You know what you should be focusing on. Keep it up
D
It's your car. Do what you want.
and as for the money thing - your Grams is from another generation - just a different focus. You know what you should be focusing on. Keep it up
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Never Never land
Posts: 11
My dad doesn't get it either. It's all about money. Congrats on the car, enjoy the freedom. Maybe you could tell Grams that you are aware that with freedom comes responsibility. You sound like you know that but maybe she just needs to hear it. We can't change anyone but ourselves and from personal experience ( I live in Florida ) we certainly cannot change a senior! Take care of you and know that even if she doesn't think the same way she still wants what is best for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
If it makes you feel any better, not only does my mother cut out newspaper articles she thinks I should read and send them to me, she uses a yellow highlighter on the important parts and writes notes to the side. I'm almost 50 years old! 
She doesn't like my hair extremely short, which is how I wear it 99% of the time, and thinks I need to wear lipstick when I am out in public.
I've learned to just let it roll off of my back as she's 75 now and won't be around forever.
I completely understand loving a relative but they drive you nuts
As was said, don't sweat the small stuff.
She doesn't like my hair extremely short, which is how I wear it 99% of the time, and thinks I need to wear lipstick when I am out in public.
I've learned to just let it roll off of my back as she's 75 now and won't be around forever.
I completely understand loving a relative but they drive you nuts
As was said, don't sweat the small stuff.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Freedom..That is too funny about your mom. My gram wouldnt be caught dead without her lipstick. And please dont touch the hair. LOL.
That just made me forget about it. My grams is my grams and I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know she cares about me above all.
Sorry guys. I still have alot to work on. ANd being a little brat is a big one.
That just made me forget about it. My grams is my grams and I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know she cares about me above all.
Sorry guys. I still have alot to work on. ANd being a little brat is a big one.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Yes, my mother carries her lipstick everywhere and has to put it on right after she eats if we're out to a restaurant with them.
My mother has also been going to the beauty shop as long as I can remember! She had the beehive hairdo back when it was popular. My dad is the one who always took me to the swimming pool when I was little because she couldn't get her hair wet!
My mom will never be the mom I wanted, but she does love me, and I accept her for what she is.
If I spend too much time around her I do feel like I'm 5!
I moved after rehab for a reason, and it wasn't just the hubby at the time!
My mother has also been going to the beauty shop as long as I can remember! She had the beehive hairdo back when it was popular. My dad is the one who always took me to the swimming pool when I was little because she couldn't get her hair wet!
My mom will never be the mom I wanted, but she does love me, and I accept her for what she is.
If I spend too much time around her I do feel like I'm 5!
I moved after rehab for a reason, and it wasn't just the hubby at the time!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey Chiy, just wanted to say that I know you love your grams and it was a wise choice to vent here to us rather than hurt her feelings by saying something to her. As a mom, I know how hard it is to lay back with all those little comments trying to help my kids manage their lives, but I also know that every single one of those comments comes from a loving place in my heart that never wants to see them hurt. Us Moms/Grams can be a pain in the butt! Gotta love us and hate us at the same time!! It'll be ok, Chiy, you're doing great! Keep posting - your shares always help me! Love, Jomey
Gotta love us and hate us at the same time!! It'll be ok, Chiy, you're doing great! Keep posting - your shares always help me! Love, Jomey
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: on the moon
Posts: 944
hi chiynthia,
i often relate to your posts.
i'm 27. my grandmother's 82 and she's not really with it. i guess their's a significat age diffrence between you and your g.m too.
i often disagree with my grandparents. they're from a diffrent generation and have had diffrent experiances then us so, naturally, they see things diffrently.
i'm sure your g.m loves you and she's just watching out for your own best intrests.
my grandparents sometimes remind me that what i spend now i won't be able to spend in the future.
in my humble oppinion recovery is priceless. we're risking our lives here in order to get better. for me it really is a case of life or death because if i don't let go of the alcohol and the drugs and the gambling and all the addicitions and compulisions i have they're going to kill me. they'll damage my health and kill me. we must do anything we have to so we can get better.
congraulations for your car. :ghug3
i often relate to your posts.
i'm 27. my grandmother's 82 and she's not really with it. i guess their's a significat age diffrence between you and your g.m too.
i often disagree with my grandparents. they're from a diffrent generation and have had diffrent experiances then us so, naturally, they see things diffrently.
i'm sure your g.m loves you and she's just watching out for your own best intrests.
my grandparents sometimes remind me that what i spend now i won't be able to spend in the future.
in my humble oppinion recovery is priceless. we're risking our lives here in order to get better. for me it really is a case of life or death because if i don't let go of the alcohol and the drugs and the gambling and all the addicitions and compulisions i have they're going to kill me. they'll damage my health and kill me. we must do anything we have to so we can get better.
congraulations for your car. :ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
Hi Chi,
As others have said, it's hard for people who are not addicts to understand those of us who are. Just do what you know you need to do.
And, why not make it your goal to save money and move out on your own? Maybe that's what these thoughts are trying to tell you.
As others have said, it's hard for people who are not addicts to understand those of us who are. Just do what you know you need to do.
And, why not make it your goal to save money and move out on your own? Maybe that's what these thoughts are trying to tell you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Mobile AL
Posts: 101
Chiy.....
I have several other problems in my life right now besides substance abuse...one of them being self esteem and loving myself.
Recently I started spending a little money on ME. For so often, I spend money on everyone else. I decided enough was enough and I needed new underwear. If leopard print makes you happy.....and you spent money on that instead of something that would just get you in trouble....then I think that's a step in the right direction.
My SO said to me the other day "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't get angry with you". And it made perfect sense. Your gram loves you, and you love her.....that doesn't mean life is sunshine and rainbows all the time!
Hang in there....and thanks for being a friend!
P.S. Trying to eat dinner, waiting on my SO. I might just eat, because I really need to....and I'm sure I know what he's up to and why he hasn't come home from work yet......
I have several other problems in my life right now besides substance abuse...one of them being self esteem and loving myself.
Recently I started spending a little money on ME. For so often, I spend money on everyone else. I decided enough was enough and I needed new underwear. If leopard print makes you happy.....and you spent money on that instead of something that would just get you in trouble....then I think that's a step in the right direction.
My SO said to me the other day "If I didn't love you, I wouldn't get angry with you". And it made perfect sense. Your gram loves you, and you love her.....that doesn't mean life is sunshine and rainbows all the time!
Hang in there....and thanks for being a friend!
P.S. Trying to eat dinner, waiting on my SO. I might just eat, because I really need to....and I'm sure I know what he's up to and why he hasn't come home from work yet......
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I just feel like a little kid all the time.
But I also started to learn that when I reacted in a logical, respectful way to others, their actions toward me started to change.
As has been said, and you have acknowledged already, your Grams is your Grams. She loves you dearly and is just looking out for you. She may not totally understand but recovery is all about, but I bet whether she says it or not, she is very proud of you and what you are attempting.
Keep up the good work!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Chiy
A day may come that you say... If I saved some extra money here or there, I could have bought that nice what ever for myself.
Those of us who are older have been getting such messages pounded into our head by those who are older then us... The people who lived through the depression of 1929...So we are just passing on the wise words we were given *LOL*
I like my truck but if going for a distance and don't need to take the truck, I will take the smaller car (better on gas)
Mc D's 3 miles one direction or 5 miles the other. Depending upon the time of day, I will go to the one that is 5 miles away but it saves both time and gas because I am not sitting in traffic. I am fruggle like that on many things but on other things I waste money like crazy *LOL*
Just need to realize that is who she is and one day you may find yourself looking for ways to save a little here and a little there and be saying Thanks Gram for showing me how it is done.
As for the meetings ... The answer would be... you go to them because they are the better ones for you.
A day may come that you say... If I saved some extra money here or there, I could have bought that nice what ever for myself.
Those of us who are older have been getting such messages pounded into our head by those who are older then us... The people who lived through the depression of 1929...So we are just passing on the wise words we were given *LOL*
I like my truck but if going for a distance and don't need to take the truck, I will take the smaller car (better on gas)
Mc D's 3 miles one direction or 5 miles the other. Depending upon the time of day, I will go to the one that is 5 miles away but it saves both time and gas because I am not sitting in traffic. I am fruggle like that on many things but on other things I waste money like crazy *LOL*
Just need to realize that is who she is and one day you may find yourself looking for ways to save a little here and a little there and be saying Thanks Gram for showing me how it is done.
As for the meetings ... The answer would be... you go to them because they are the better ones for you.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I feel like a real jerk for even feeling that way yesterday. I really reacted before thinking and calming down. It really wasnt that big of a deal. Just was having one of those days. But I made that meeting and felt so much better after.
Since my gramps died in 2003. And I was in the ugliest stages of my using then. I have been premourning her death. Obsessing. Scared.
I cant have her leaving this earth without me making somehting of myself. Me and my grandfather never got along because of my using and he was an alcoholic. But we put all that aside when we found out he only had 6 mos to live. And we bonded like never before before he left us. But he never got to see me even attempt recovery. The last thing he was told right before he passed was I just wrecked my truck while running around in the streets getting high. (I was in a hurry to get my drugs) And all he was concerned about was if I was ok.
I cant let that happen woth my grams. She has sacrifice so much for me and has always accepted me and loved me unconditionally. In my darkest moments I always thought she would be better off if I were gone. And I thought that the day she died was the day I did too.
I dont think that anymore. Instead..I am doing my best to make sure she sees me become something more than an addict. And when that day does come when she moves on. (Which is a long time yet.) I am going to keep moving forward.
She wouldnt want it any other way.
So today. I am so grateful I have her in my life. Because without her. I have nothing to live for.
Thanks all of you for helping me relize that.
Since my gramps died in 2003. And I was in the ugliest stages of my using then. I have been premourning her death. Obsessing. Scared.
I cant have her leaving this earth without me making somehting of myself. Me and my grandfather never got along because of my using and he was an alcoholic. But we put all that aside when we found out he only had 6 mos to live. And we bonded like never before before he left us. But he never got to see me even attempt recovery. The last thing he was told right before he passed was I just wrecked my truck while running around in the streets getting high. (I was in a hurry to get my drugs) And all he was concerned about was if I was ok.
I cant let that happen woth my grams. She has sacrifice so much for me and has always accepted me and loved me unconditionally. In my darkest moments I always thought she would be better off if I were gone. And I thought that the day she died was the day I did too.
I dont think that anymore. Instead..I am doing my best to make sure she sees me become something more than an addict. And when that day does come when she moves on. (Which is a long time yet.) I am going to keep moving forward.
She wouldnt want it any other way.
So today. I am so grateful I have her in my life. Because without her. I have nothing to live for.
Thanks all of you for helping me relize that.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
miss chiy pehaps, in another way, grams is talking through a power greater then...
chiy, a old sponsee of mine couldnt stand to have his car dirty...
one day he came back after get'n el car'o washed... a slew of seagulls droped some loads on it, perty funny too!
dang, a direct hit...
i said, hey, why not leave the gull doo on it for a few days?
he almost turned white!
i said, it could be your first real lesson in turning the old self, towards a power greater!
he did leave it on, ans was squrming in it for a few days.. yep, he took his will back, and washed it...
that person just I"m'd me, and is hitting the abys again... ugh!
ta ta miss chiy...!
xxoo rz
I want my seat covers I like in it.
chiy, a old sponsee of mine couldnt stand to have his car dirty...
one day he came back after get'n el car'o washed... a slew of seagulls droped some loads on it, perty funny too!
dang, a direct hit...
i said, hey, why not leave the gull doo on it for a few days?
he almost turned white!
i said, it could be your first real lesson in turning the old self, towards a power greater!
he did leave it on, ans was squrming in it for a few days.. yep, he took his will back, and washed it...
that person just I"m'd me, and is hitting the abys again... ugh!
ta ta miss chiy...!
xxoo rz
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
After all this. :chatter From the grams about those seat covers.
She says to me today out of the blue. "Oh I really think they look good in that car." :wtf2
Gotta love her.
She says to me today out of the blue. "Oh I really think they look good in that car." :wtf2
Gotta love her.
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