JaneKaye

Hi all -I am so p****d off with myself. I went a whole week without a drink and then blew it last night. Its no excuse but I had a really stressful day - had to spend the day with my partner's ex-wife and her family (an occasion involving his children) and although it was all perfectly fine and civilised - all I could think about was needing a drink.

The stupid thing is I spend the whole day having this 'internal' argument with myself - about how it wouldn't hurt to have one drink etc - even though I know damn well it would. Anyway - one the way home I bought two bottles of wine and drank both of them.

I'm so angry with myself - I have to stop drinking. My partner has given me one last chance. If he catches me drinking again (he doesn't know about last night) he has told me it's over. I have so much to lose - not to mention my children's respect.

So - back to day one! The other thing, I have been taking the anti-depressents that the doctor gave me to help the side affects but they make me feel like a zombie. By the evening, I feel so spaced out I can't even hold a proper conversation. I think I'll stop taking them.

Sorry for the rant

CarolD

Many of us had false starts on our recovery journey.
....good to know you will be trying again.

Do call your doctor before abruptly quitting the meds.
Sometimes a taper is necessary to be safe.

Blessings to you and your partner

Dee74

I had 15 years of false starts, JK. It is possible

One of the big steps in recovery is making changes and no longer believing the BS your own head feeds you...

I know - stress is a killer - you just want to relax...and NOW.

But it's possible to be stressed and live through it sober - you don't die. It's possible to find other ways to relieve or limit stress without drinking.

If there's one thing I know, it's that reaching for the bottle brings it own set of problems to the party.

Once I 'got' that - really got it - my recovery started in earnest

good luck

D

Anna

Antidepressants can affect people differently.

Don't stop taking them abruptly, as Carol said. Talk to your dr and consider trying a different one.

1cor13

Toomutch

JaneKaye,
I agree; you should not stop taking your antidepressants abruptly. The side effects you are feeling will probably subside with time. I remember feeling like a zombie for awhile after starting antidepressants and anti anxiety meds; for me those symptoms went away withing a few weeks.

Aysha

SF69

Jane, as usual, Carol said it best. Just keep at it, you can do it!

Steve58

Hi JaneKaye,

I can totally relate. Please dont focus on slip, focus on your week! Thats a week you moved toward health and strength, one night doesnt erase that at all, it's a process of learning.

btw, welcome to SR!
Steve

dixon

Is it possible to be two differnet people totally when your under the influence of alcholol? Or is that an excuse

dixon

Today is my day to quit. I have everthing,I have a great family. Great husband, kids, dogs, nice house the whole thing. Everyone that meets us tells us we make such a great looking couple. I screwed up for the last time too last night.I can never just have one drink I have to have 15.

My husband cant take it anymore,he's about done and most of all I cant.
I change into a totally ugly person to my husband. I do horrible things when I'm drunk. Things I would never ever do when I'm straight, I'm disgusting. Now I'm at the stage where I dont remember a thing. He tells me always how beautiful I am but then when i start drinking he watches the beauty slowly come out of me.
I'm sick Im a very sick person. I'm going to loose everything if I dont stick with this. Tonight is my first AA meeting and I'm freakin scared. I've been crying all day.

SF69

Welcome to SR Dixon! Glad to hear you're going to meeting tonight. Hopefully it will help you as much as it has for me. I was that scared too before my first one, but it's not that bad...in fact it's not bad at all. Good luck!

nogard

(((JaneKaye)))