Frustration in recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
Frustration in recovery
I am having a real hard time seeing any results or positives in recovery right now.I have been clean 30 days. I had a bad experience with my sponsor yesterday. He wanted me to do something I totally felt uncomfortable doing and I refused, but now I find myself resenting him and everyone else in recovery. (he basically wanted me to pray in public, saying if i was willing to do anything for my recovery, that I should pray, a lesson in humility, as he says.) I had a hard time praying for anything this past month, but did it and have been trying to take the suggestions offered to me, but this was too much. I seem to be just very angry and am over discussing recovery and anything related to it. I am sure I sound like I am whining. This is just very hard and I am not finding any sober, fun things to do. sorry, it's just not working. I have enough sense not to go back to drink and drugs, but just am miserable and cannot relate to people in the meetings and whatnot. I have also not got a job and still staying with my folks, I am seeing no changes. I am going to meetings 6 times a week, outpatient therapy 3 times a week(actually, that is helping my self- esteem and anger issues), read the big book or related recovery material every night, and pray daily.I am also a musician and was told that I should not play with others that use, most musicians use, so there really is no way around that. I explained this to my sponsor yesterday and he said maybe I should temporarily put down
the instrument's( why would I do that!) the reason I did not play before was because I was always loaded, but now that I am straight, why not..? This may sound like trivial nonsense to some, I realize this and I do know that It is not better to go back to drinking, but is this all I have to look forward too??? yuck.. sorry to sound so negative.
the instrument's( why would I do that!) the reason I did not play before was because I was always loaded, but now that I am straight, why not..? This may sound like trivial nonsense to some, I realize this and I do know that It is not better to go back to drinking, but is this all I have to look forward too??? yuck.. sorry to sound so negative.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
Early recovery is tough and 30 days is really great, but remember it is still early recovery. I spent three years drinking and I didn't hope to repair all my messes in a month - well, I hoped, but it didn't happen.
I am not an AA person, but it sounds like maybe you might not have the right fit with your sponsor. That's just something you might want to think about.
Early recovery is tough and 30 days is really great, but remember it is still early recovery. I spent three years drinking and I didn't hope to repair all my messes in a month - well, I hoped, but it didn't happen.
I am not an AA person, but it sounds like maybe you might not have the right fit with your sponsor. That's just something you might want to think about.
Adjusting my Sails
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,021
I'm an AA person and your sponsors request to pray in public is a new one to me. It really doesn't make sense. I do understand that we need to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober. For me I certainly was willing to go to any lengths to get booze. Still I don't see praying in public as a vehicle to sobriety and I pray many times a day (in private).
Recovery is simple there is no need to over discuss it. I have years of self knowledge and all of it combined taught me one thing. I can't stay sober alone.
I love AA but it does not have a monopoly on recovery. Keep seeking help and congratulations on your sobriety time. Don't give up on youself now.
Recovery is simple there is no need to over discuss it. I have years of self knowledge and all of it combined taught me one thing. I can't stay sober alone.
I love AA but it does not have a monopoly on recovery. Keep seeking help and congratulations on your sobriety time. Don't give up on youself now.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I am sorry that you are struggling right now. The first few months of sobriety can be quite rough. Not only is our body detoxing but our minds as well. Plus we still have the wreckage of the past in front of us staring us in the face. Personally it took me a while to see results in my life from not drinking. It definately did not happen overnight. It took a lot of work, a lot of disappointments, and a lot of patience. All of which sucked at the time. But ultimately it has been well worth it.
I am sure your sponsor is passing on what his experience has been. I have had several sponsors, in fact it took me until I was almost 4 years sober to find a good fit for both my sponsor and I. I have never heard of praying in public to prove you will go to any lengths. Sounds a little religious to me. I definately would have run from that sponsor but to some that would be the perfect thing. Only you can ultimately know if your sponsor is a good fit for you.
As far as not playing in the band. That is a big can of worms. One should not put down something that is a positive thing in their life just because they quit drinking. But the fact that as you say most musicians use and also most gigs are in places where alcohol is served might be a problem. The question would be can you continue to be in that environment and not drink? Would it be a good idea to quit playing for a little while until you get some sobriety and strength under your belt so you will have more resources available when you play. I know of several people that play in bands and do it sober. But they also work a strong program of AA. Have you worked the Steps? If not then consider the fact that the Steps are a tool to help us stay sober. They are what teach us how to live without drinking and not be insane.
I would suggest that you don't give up "5 minutes before the miracle". Hanging in there one more day might be just what it takes to see the progress you are making. If you have not tried writing a gratitude list you might consider it. What are some things in your life you are grateful for? What are some of the good things, people, or ideas in your life right now? As crazy as it sounds when the negativity hits me a gratitude list helps me get back on track. Good luck I hope you stick around.
I am sure your sponsor is passing on what his experience has been. I have had several sponsors, in fact it took me until I was almost 4 years sober to find a good fit for both my sponsor and I. I have never heard of praying in public to prove you will go to any lengths. Sounds a little religious to me. I definately would have run from that sponsor but to some that would be the perfect thing. Only you can ultimately know if your sponsor is a good fit for you.
As far as not playing in the band. That is a big can of worms. One should not put down something that is a positive thing in their life just because they quit drinking. But the fact that as you say most musicians use and also most gigs are in places where alcohol is served might be a problem. The question would be can you continue to be in that environment and not drink? Would it be a good idea to quit playing for a little while until you get some sobriety and strength under your belt so you will have more resources available when you play. I know of several people that play in bands and do it sober. But they also work a strong program of AA. Have you worked the Steps? If not then consider the fact that the Steps are a tool to help us stay sober. They are what teach us how to live without drinking and not be insane.
I would suggest that you don't give up "5 minutes before the miracle". Hanging in there one more day might be just what it takes to see the progress you are making. If you have not tried writing a gratitude list you might consider it. What are some things in your life you are grateful for? What are some of the good things, people, or ideas in your life right now? As crazy as it sounds when the negativity hits me a gratitude list helps me get back on track. Good luck I hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
PG
You have a lot of issues in one paragraph! Really. You might benefit from writing out each in as few word as possible, on paper. There may be even more. Maybe two columns: What I want; What I Don't want. Maybe a completely different format that makes sense to you.
What you wrote seems like very important stuff to you. But it kinda comes across as a plate of spaghetti, with everything interrelated.
I have a very strong opinion/reaction to what your sponsor asked you to do. I think I really need to keep it to myself, however. It is not pretty.
I hope you are able to begin to sort stuff out and simplify. To identify what is good and not good for you. Simplicity is cool, anger is toxic.
warrens
You have a lot of issues in one paragraph! Really. You might benefit from writing out each in as few word as possible, on paper. There may be even more. Maybe two columns: What I want; What I Don't want. Maybe a completely different format that makes sense to you.
What you wrote seems like very important stuff to you. But it kinda comes across as a plate of spaghetti, with everything interrelated.
I have a very strong opinion/reaction to what your sponsor asked you to do. I think I really need to keep it to myself, however. It is not pretty.
I hope you are able to begin to sort stuff out and simplify. To identify what is good and not good for you. Simplicity is cool, anger is toxic.
warrens
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
it's your sobriety
Trust how you feel but don't be angry with your sponsor. You need to forgive him/her because they are just a human being like you and have a right to not be perfect. Perfection is beyond reach!
If this person won't work with you because you won't follow this instruction, get another sponsor, don't feel guilty, there's no need. If your sponsor has a problem with your decision that's his/her resentment. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SOBRIETY
As has been stated, it sometimes takes awhile to find the right person for a long-term heathly sponsor relationship, just don't give up. Remember it's always principles before personalities, if your sponsor is working a strong program they will wish only the best for you and your new sponsor.
That's been my experience. Trust how you feel, hold no resentment, forgive and move on.
God's Peace
If this person won't work with you because you won't follow this instruction, get another sponsor, don't feel guilty, there's no need. If your sponsor has a problem with your decision that's his/her resentment. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SOBRIETY
As has been stated, it sometimes takes awhile to find the right person for a long-term heathly sponsor relationship, just don't give up. Remember it's always principles before personalities, if your sponsor is working a strong program they will wish only the best for you and your new sponsor.
That's been my experience. Trust how you feel, hold no resentment, forgive and move on.
God's Peace
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
30 days is a miracle, and I can identify with your frustration, feeling like you aren't making any progress.
What helps me is to write a gratitude list at these times i.e. food in the fridge, a family who love me, recovery, my health, the sunshine etc
Keep writing until you've exhausted yourself.
It's normal to feel the way that you do, it really is. Try to be patient, and to trust that the process is unfolding as it should.
What helps me is to write a gratitude list at these times i.e. food in the fridge, a family who love me, recovery, my health, the sunshine etc
Keep writing until you've exhausted yourself.
It's normal to feel the way that you do, it really is. Try to be patient, and to trust that the process is unfolding as it should.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi,
I remember WHEN...My first month of recovery was GUT wrenching, straight out, raw, painful feelings. You have acheived a miracle as Rowan said...
As far as your sponsor goes, please forgive this person...I am sure he, she , has your best interest at heart...It could be that this person isn't for you and by all means be on the look for someone else..
Please hang in there..It does get better...At least you can feel today instead of being void in heart and emotion...
Hang in there, you can do this...
I remember WHEN...My first month of recovery was GUT wrenching, straight out, raw, painful feelings. You have acheived a miracle as Rowan said...
As far as your sponsor goes, please forgive this person...I am sure he, she , has your best interest at heart...It could be that this person isn't for you and by all means be on the look for someone else..
Please hang in there..It does get better...At least you can feel today instead of being void in heart and emotion...
Hang in there, you can do this...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I want what I want, and I want it yesterday!
That was my motto for many years, and that included early recovery!
Be patient my friend. It seemed everyone else always saw the growth in me long before I did.
We didn't get sick overnight, nor will we get well overnight.
This too shall pass. Just keep plugging away, one day at a time
That was my motto for many years, and that included early recovery!
Be patient my friend. It seemed everyone else always saw the growth in me long before I did.
We didn't get sick overnight, nor will we get well overnight.
This too shall pass. Just keep plugging away, one day at a time
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
My sponsor made me do my 5th step in the middle of a crowded college student center. I can assure you, I did not want to do this. The interesting thing is that about half way through I realized folks were not as interested in me as I had always thought.
One of the gifts recovery has given me is that my sense of self is no longer defined by other people's perception of me, I really don't care what other people think about me, this is freedom. Congrats on 30 days, God is working in your life.
One of the gifts recovery has given me is that my sense of self is no longer defined by other people's perception of me, I really don't care what other people think about me, this is freedom. Congrats on 30 days, God is working in your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
It's so great how I can post my frustration about a specific problem with my recovery and I get all of these responses to see the bigger picture about things.I really appreciate that. Thank you... I am having a better day now. I spoke to some others in recovery and that gave me the encouragement to move past this and get my head back on straight. onward.. Thank
p.s.
I am sure some other issue will be coming, so thanks for listening and posting..
PG
p.s.
I am sure some other issue will be coming, so thanks for listening and posting..
PG
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