Help...I'm Disturbed
 

As you may know, I'm still rather new here. A little over tw weeks. I'm doing well.

But I read today that two of our esteemed members fell hard. Don't need to mention "names." My heart is with them. I ache for them. They and their words are a source of inspiration to me.

Their pain hurts me!. Bloody hell.

I ask the "old timers" with a year or more. Could we have seen it? Could we have helped more? I saw little indication.

Is there anything beyond the obvious show of love and support that we can do now? I guess I'm not "jaded" enough. This hurts, it casts a pall on my own recovery. They are models to me. Note that I haven't said they "were" anything, because I fully expect them to get up and keep on keepin' on, a little wiser, a little stronger.

I'd love to read a meeting of the sober minds here. For us who are new and perhaps overly confident. I sure try not to be. I know it's dangerous.

I am very disturbed and my heart goes out. And I just needed to get that out. I hope I can be a model to someone someday.

warrens

I too feel such hurt for my friend who is having a tough time. I don't have any advice to give about it. But I understand your feelings. I am wishing with all my heart that my friend reaches out again and accepts some help.
Tay.

Hi Warrens,

Yes, it is always, always very sad when someone goes back to drinking/drugging. It's hard to watch and to look back and wonder, should I have known. We are a family here and it hurts to see people we care about in pain. But, above all, we have to take care of ourselves. I continue to reach out whenever I can and we all do that here. Try to learn something from observing the experience and to move forward yourself. Give what you can and take care of yourself. And pray that the members will return.

It's hard. It's tough.
But relapse is fact of life here...it goes hand in hand with the good stuff - the support the love the caring and the comradeship.

You can't save everyone - hell, you can't even save *anyone* but yourself...each of us is solely responsible for our success or our failure - bitter pill maybe, that's the bottom line

D

I'm here to assist anyone desireing to quit drinking.
I know that is the best I can do.

It's not being jaded to be realistic.
Most alcoholics die from unchecked alcoholism.
I'm making certain that I will not.
I strongly suggest other members do the same.

Members come
Members go
Bless them all on their journey.

Warren, you know that you're the model I look to on here. You have the maturity that I someday hope to achieve. You and I both know that besides these words that we type, we are powerless (yes i admitted to being powerless) to physically prevent an other's relapse. We can learn from their mistakes and encourage them to carry on, to get right back up. Empathy is important me thinks. To share in an other's pain is too lessen their anguish.

As the great fictional sage Joe Dirt declared, "We gotta keep on keepin' on."

most of the time, it's premeditated when, someone goes out.

Quit going to meetings avoiding people in the program

Going to slippery places, being in company with people that drink

etc.


You can't stop someone that wants to go back and drink, no more then you can get someone sober that's drinking.

Every day I get up, I have to continue to do the things that I did the day before. At least, that's what I've done for several years now.


Question is, what do they do now? Will they take an honest look at what happen and decide, it's not worth it.


Repeat this, there's nothing a drink today that, will make my life better.

My worst day sober has yet to be as bad as my last drunk. Plain and simple.

We've got a saying, those that, can't recall their last drunk haven't had it yet.

I do make a point of checking up on my friends in AA if, they're absent. Usually, it's a good idea to tell your sponsor or someone you're going to be gone when, you can't make a meeting or two for a while.

Warrens,

Can't add more than what folks have said here other than say, it's disappointing, and it's always a light bulb moment for me when someone goes back out. Not to take someone else's inventory, but it makes me look at what I'm doing today to stay sober, and makes me hit my knees even harder that night. Not cause I think I'll go back out, but to thank God for letting me find him.

Hi Warren,

When people relapse, are still alive, and come back & post on this site I see incredible courage, strength & hope. I've been visiting this site for over two years and have seen this happen again & again - people never giving up & eventually making it. I've been through my own private hell so many times - I really feel for them but I also believe in them. Best wishes & stay strong!

D

it's tough to admit alcohol kicks your ass every time

I don't get it either

I call it an allergy plain and simple

Some people can't eat peanuts, some can't eat strawberries etc.

Why is it so difficult for an adult to say thanks but, no thanks??

Free to be me to say what I want

Anything less, you've got growing up to do.

It took me a long time to get to that point.

Don't be discouraged.

The results are always going to be the same, alcohol wins, we lose :(

That's it in a nutshell resistra - How many family members and friends have we disappointed time and time again because of our disease? It comes with the territory!

Etched in my memory is the story of a person with nine years sobriety. He told his story to our group during outpatient treatment.

He got a new job and some of the employees went to a bar after work quite often. Well, being new and wanting to fit in he started going with them. It was O'Doul's at first and then turned into a couple of DUI's. You know the story!

I thought to myself - How could that ever happen? And I learned from it!

That is the only positive that can be taken from relapses.

Dave

Hi All. I don't actually know who we're talking about, but I can tell you that when I was 30-40 days sober, I did my best to help out a number of people on here, including theonlyway and mtnmagic. I was happy to do it, and of course I was not the only one helping them. Help is sometimes something as simple as a kind word.

When I fell off and had to start over, TheOnlyWay and MtnMagic were pillars of support for me. I wouldn't have made it these two weeks without them. I was a hand that helped pull them up, and they turned out to be amazing hands at pulling me up afterwards.

My point being that we're all on a journey here, and the person that we lean on for support and comfort today may be the person we're helping up tomorrow. And of course the other way around too.

Keep helping people. Keep accepting help from others. Thanks for starting this thread, warrens. It's made me think a lot about my friends on SR, AA, and just in life. I'm very grateful for everyone here. That includes everyone on day 1 and on day 1000.

-- NM

its part of some peoples journey it was for me. I make sure I am here and as well as I can be when they get back.

Kevin

As Carol said, more of us alcoholics die from our disease or its side effects then get sober. We need to learn that the only person we can keep sober is ourselfs and the only person we can get drunk is ourself.

I have learned to draw upon other peoples experience, strength and hope, but not to lean on it. I have found that I need to take actions to maintain my own sobriety and share those actions so that others may learn from them and take those same actions, but not lean on me.

Every time someone relapses I learn something, if they come back and share what they did that led to thier relapse I learn that, if they do not come back I simply learn just how cunning, baffling, and powerful alcohol is.

I have learned not to hang my sobriety on any one but myself.

This is sad to say, but true, many of us die of alcoholism to where some of us can live.

It really is hard when we see someone slip because there are so many aspects:
1. You feel that person's pain and wish you could help but are powerless
2. You wonder if you could have done anything to have prevented it.
3. You hope and pray that they make it back because they've become a large part of your life and you need them
4. You feel like "there but for the grace of God, go I" and wonder if/when your urge will be so strong you can't resist

Our friend is obviously wanting to come back, he continues to post. Hopefully eventually he'll be back.

In the meantime, for anyone who hasn't slipped, keep posting here, keep working whatever program it is that works for you. And keep being here for your friends. I know I need you.

ROFL I always say that I need all of you a whole lot more then any one of you needs me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

12 steps
 

People will continue to fall, unless they have a plan of action. Action sometimes is doing **** you don't want to do. There was a 12 step plan of action drawn up in the BB. Peolple all over the world use the 12 steps, to keep themselves in check. (Even ol' Dr. Phil) The 12 steps have never been altered. Were they God given?? They sure have saved millions of lives.
The 12 steps in the BB make me take a good look at myself, and answer alot of my questions. It answers the question as to why I keep going out. Eventually you can be recovered and there will be no choice to go back out.

It is terribly painful to see someone FALL. God knows I have done this many times...

After awhile, I quit saying that "I will never drink again." It is a lot easier to say and mean, "I will not drink today"