Hi B2B,

Rehab is discovery, it sounds as if you've already discovered your problem. You need recovery. My opinion, take it for what it's worth to you, recovery is found in the rooms of AA.

Why do you want to stay sober?

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time B2B. You know my PM is always open to ya :)

all I can say is 'nothing changes if nothing changes'....dreary slogan I know but it's true...

you need to try something new - whether that's a meeting, or counselling, or yak-herding in Tibet I dunno...but think about what might work for you - go try a few things - positive things :)

good luck - and seriously, PM me if you like :)
D

Thanks everyone. I had a long talk with my mom -- she couldn't tell I was on anything and I know that's true because she would've told me. I told her I am an alcoholic and showed her the Sober book that I bought. It was good to be able to tell her that. I don't know what I need to do to get help.

With telling Mom - you just did the first thing to help yourself by telling her. Hopefully, her influence can help you!

I feel like I can't be near a drug or alcohol because I am so tempted. How will I live in this world? I am happy I told my mom, though.

Now I am looking up ways that people have dealt with their addictions without having to be around alcohol or drugs.

I don't know what I should do...I feel like meetings will not work cause I just go home and go back to these things.

Ever talked about your situation at a meeting?

No...is there anything else I can do like take a pill that helps take away the urge?

Or be locked in a room so I can't get to these things...:-(

Last night I downed 6 300 mcg tablets of melatonin.

I felt drowsy... almost sick because it gave me motion sickness sitting still - at the exact same time I felt the urge I needed to drink. Lol.

Thankfully, I was asleep within an hour.

One thing that's kinda cool to think about - you never need to do anything when you're sleeping right? Which can give you a clue as to where the real 'crazy need' is coming from - your mind.

Find anything to close off the mind to that need, or at least divert it to somewhere else.

It gets better, and easier - it really does.
Like anything else, you learn - 'doing this ends up with me in a bad place'.
'There are other ways to deal with what I'm feeling'.
Just keep reminding yourself 'this is not the life I want for myself...this is not the me I want to be'

D

So do you think I should take Melatonin? I used to take Ambien.

I've never used anything from a doctor. Years ago I tried otc melatonin in the 1 mg tablet size - wow they worked. But now I can't find them anymore, but what I do find are tabs in the 300 'mcg' size which I never understood the unit of measurement until recently. 1000 mcg=1 mg. So, 3 300 mcg tabs = .9 mg.

4-5 of these things (300 mcg) work for me ok. 6 like last night, and I get really woozy - dizzy. I'm a big guy at 200 lbs and it works fine! helps so much to shut down the insane asylum upstairs!

But that's not to say that you should do what I do. You could hurt yourself if you're not used to it, or understand the effects that it could have on you. It's a natural substance and not prescription so, I'd say give it a shot. It may help, it may not. Just use caution and do not even think about driving or doing anything besides laying down afterwards.

Whether substances are natural or synthetic, they can be dangerous when not taken as prescribed. B2B, please talk to your doctor before taking anything to help you sleep.

A reminder to members that we are not to encourage others to take any sort of substance; this could be construed as medical advice, and no one here is qualified to do so, and it is also against our Forum rules. What works for one person could be fatal for another.

Back to Black, Your post caught my eye and since I really hadn't known much of you, I went and read all of your other posts.What caught my attention with this one was the time line. You said you knew you shouldn't use and yet not 10 mins later it was to late you had. Is it wise to have drugs right there with you if your trying to remain sober?
With your begining posts you shared alot of ESH and gave sound advice and yet your not appling it to yourself. Why not? Your worth every thing good in life too. It's not just meant for every one else ,yet you run from it as fast as you can. There's no easy button and no magic pill. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it looks like you've only went to one AA meeting, is that so?If you don't feel that AA is right for you how about calling any and all social services in your area and ask about free/low cost treatments. Your to bright and young to just give up IMHO. I wish you well and don't ever give up trying!
Linda:ghug3

Thanks Rowan for pointing out the dangers of taking any kind of medication, beyond the recommended dosage and for reminding members that we cannot give any kind of medical advice.

B2B threads like this one are what helps me to stay sober, I was once owned by alcohol, today thanks to AA the miracle has happened and I am free. Seeing the pain you are in strengthens my resolve to not return to where I came from.

There is a solution, I found it, but in order for it to work I had to become willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober.

B2B are you willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober?

It's quite disturbing to me, being new to online recovery, that so many people are struggling with addicition, trying hard to find a way out, but won't go to meetings.

It disturbs me, but I understand it. I was the same way. I desperately wanted to "fix" the problem myself. Afterall, my addiction is my problem and nobody else could possibly help, so I thought, besides I'm not stupid, surely I can find the right circumstance to stay sober.

What I found after going and listening and sharing and learning is that alcohol wasn't my problem...it was my solution. Remove the alcohol and the problems were still there and without my solution (alcohol and drugs) life was completely miserable.

What I needed was a new solution. Something I could do when troubles became to great and I once again wanted escape. I found my solution at AA.

I see people at meetings going through every possible blow life could hand out and they don't drink or use drugs, they use the tools of AA. I once told a counselor that I couldn't go to AA because they talk about drinking and it makes me want to drink. I got honest. I didn't want to go to meetings because I felt different...unique. Yes, many people need meetings, but not me. I'm not that bad.

B2B, at some point, if you want to stay sober, you will do whatever it takes and that may include going to meetings. If you're struggling and ask for advice and people give their advice and you don't use it but continue to use I have to ask.....

Why do you want to stay sober?

My biggest problem getting sober...I had to do it myself. I didn't realize that being powerless meant that there was nothing in me that could solve my problem. I needed a power greater than myself. I needed help.

God's Peace