Mcribb

First off I want to thank people on this site. I went out drinking yesterday since January. It was nice out I met some new people I just love drinking whiskey. I feel like crap today of course. I don't know how much I should beat myself up. I am mainly mad because it cost me like 50 bucks partying it up like a rockstar now I have to go back to work. It scares me because I don't want my entire life to be a struggle of drinking then not drinking, but I don't feel too bad today about it because I don't drink and drive and frankly I love drinking. I love the way it makes me feel, I love the taste of whiskey and I think there is something sexy about having a stiff drink to look forward too at the end of busting my ass. I think of drinkers like dean martin, Sinatra etc and how they loved to drink and I think it is alright. Now for the truth. I am a sloppy drunk and I am not cool when I drink. I am 27 and I should have learned how to drink along time ago. I am alittle bit different from the people on this site though because I can just have a couple. I did it on friday and was able to stop myself. yesterday I just saw what a long road I have ahead of me for work, moving to a different apartment and everything. I was sober for 2 months nothing really changed exept for life was really boring. One thing that really sucks is I have been single for like 5 years and I always have this feeling if i had some boobs in my life It would stop me from going out and filling the void with loud music and whiskey. Have a good night and I am going to drink some miller lights today and jump back on the wagon tomorrow.

Dee74

uh-huh.
hope you decide which side of the fence you're on soon...every year gets harder McRibb.
Trust me.

D

CarolD

I do hope you will decide to stop before
you have big time problems.

Take care..

Emimily

you know what's weird? sinatra beat his wife. pretty un-sexy, if you ask me.

being sober is only boring if you want to let it be boring. it doesn't sound like you want to stop, and that's cool. maybe you're not an alcoholic. no one on this site, or anywhere else for that matter, can make that assessment for you. if you ARE an alcoholic, then controlled drinking won't work. i'm going to echo what carol said, and just pray that if you are an alcoholic that you get help before you're over your head.

i know a guy who relapsed, and decided he wasn't an alcoholic because he put down his 5th beer. by the end of his relapse, which was about 3 weeks, he was drinking whiskey driving down the road. he's now almost 10 months sober, and one of my very best friends.

best of luck, and take care of yourself.

teej

parentrecovers

hey mcribb,

you'll quit when you're ready. and we'll be here. hugs, k

Mcribb

I wish there was a section that wasn't so dramatic. I want to quit and I did for 2 months. Two of the longest months of my life. I guess this site really isn't for me because I like brewing my own beer and having a good time. I face drama everyday for 50 hours a week I don't really feel like having drama on a message board haha. One thing is cool though is I went along time without it so I know i can do it again.

Jersey Nonny

Hmmmmmn...if you're only feeling "semi guilty", maybe you're only in semi denial...or, maybe you're a semi alcoholic...sort of like being a little bit pregnant.

Quote:

I think there is something sexy about having a stiff drink to look forward too at the end of busting my ass. I think of drinkers like dean martin, Sinatra etc and how they loved to drink and I think it is alright.

I remember, when I was a kid, seeing people in movies drink and thinking how sexy and sophisticated they looked. But, I grew up, drank until I became an alcoholic, and found out there's nothing sexy or sophisticated about falling off a barstool.

Anna

Hey McRibb,

It does sound like you need to make a decision as to whether stopping drinking is what you really want. I hope it is, because it will get worse.

Also, Dean Martin didn't really drink much at all. The ever-present glass in his hand was just an act and just a prop, and in fact, he wasn't much of a party animal at all.

Mattcake

Thanks for this Nonny, when I was a kid I used to look at drunks as interesting people with a mystique that fascinated me. It seemed so cool to have "issues", I used to think of myself as run-of-the-mill and boring. I certainly proved myself wrong and, boy, I wasn't wrong regarding the "interesting" part, but the mystique was probably just boozy breath.

McRibb, only you can make a decision to stop; it's completely up to you. Reading your post though, it seems like you have reached a decision, and are just having trouble coming to terms with it?

Take care,

Matt

nogard

I have never been cool and still am not one of those cool people and that sits just right with me these days. But the only time I thought I was cool, I was staggering dribbling and drooling.

It did not start like that but after jail for 4 years many OD's and drinking through a stroke, after 25 years of that, thats where it ended.

Your here and talking to us so I assume you have a problem with booze and or drugs. Your comment about being different is funny because thats what most of us thought and said.

5 Months sober is great, that its boring means you need to do some different things and best not to do them alone.

Kevin

gravity

Hi Mcribb,

I sincerely wish you the best in whatever you choose to do with regards to alcohol. If a person can truly enjoy alcohol without hurting anyone (including themselves) that fine with me - I have many friends that are like this.

In my case, I spent way too many years B.S.ing myself that if only I could learn to drink properly, I could enjoy drinking and that nobody was getting hurt anyway. My loved ones & I are now forced to deal with the wreckage caused by my years of drinking and it is not all fixable.

Best wishes!

lovingseren

Mcribb,
thank you for your post, it truly reinforced the reason I got
sober.

Drinking distorts our thinking, alcohol is fighting for it's life, we must fight for our lives.

I have seen many alcoholics bleed out, die of alcoholic dementia, go into liver failure, end up in hospital and the morgue due to burns, falls and car crashes......I will keep you in my prayers.

Seren

reed

Well, I'm not gonna lie. I enjoy whiskey. I enjoy the drinking culture. I enjoy the stimulation that good drink provides. I enjoy twisting and burning one. However, never have I attempted to drink non alcoholicly. And when my Mother was sick for 2 years and passed, I turned into a complete maniac. Basically, drinking myself into an extremely dark place I care never to return (took about 3 years of constant consumption to do it). Wanting to stop & not being able to because I was physically addicted to the spirit. I lost my will to love myself & respect myself. Therefore, I believe I disrespected my friends and my family. But how could I love them if I hated myself? Truly, I was in a whirlwind of sh*t. I was high as a kite & I was alone even among friends. I can't tell myself that I will never drink again because I'm alcoholic. I have been sober for like 100 and 9 days or something & I don't hate myself anymore. I only write this to remind myself that if I drink again I could hate myself & self loathing hurts. Inflicting pain on my own soul is dark. A woman I still love to this day, who I was with for 7 years left me to my self destruction because I was too far gone. I'd give both my pinky toes (cos I can spare em) just to have 1 genuine chance of reconciliation with her. Becareful with those drinks, don't end up face to face with a bottle its f*cking self inflicted misery. It can f*cking kill. I'm 24, I only have 2 scars on my heart, I put one of them there myself and it still f*cking hurts like sh*t.

"going in a circle getting tired every turn, think you're getting better but you're never quite sure, its all ahead of you, how far can you see? You're livin' on your knees..."-Jets to Brazil, Perfecting Loneliness

353

Keep practicing!! I did for thirty years off and on...the more I practiced the worse I got. I knew it for many years before I hit bottom, but I did exactly what I had to do to get where I'm at...I think we all do.

My experience is that addiction is not some game I can play, like setting up a boardgame for amusement and putting it away when I become bored. This is life and death. If you are an alcoholic you will realize this someday.