I want to be sober!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 5
I want to be sober!
Hi everyone. I'm new to this. I'm 41 and have been drinking far to much since I was 18. The last 5 years have got really bad for me - I drink two or three bottles of wine everynight and generally can't remember anything in the morning.
I have three teenagers who I know hate my drinking - and avoid being in the room with me in the evenings. When I drink, I change into a different person - spiteful and unkind (not physically, but verbally). Things came to a head last night when my lovely partner of 6 years (we don't live together), rang me this morning to say our relationship is over. Apparently last night (after a couple of bottles of wine) I said awful things and he went home (he hardly drinks at all). After he went I sent a text message to him saying more awful things - I feel so ashamed now, but I do things like that when I'm drunk and I really don't mean it.
I have to stop drinking NOW - before my life and my children's are ruined. Can anyone give any advice on how to stop? Thanks
I have three teenagers who I know hate my drinking - and avoid being in the room with me in the evenings. When I drink, I change into a different person - spiteful and unkind (not physically, but verbally). Things came to a head last night when my lovely partner of 6 years (we don't live together), rang me this morning to say our relationship is over. Apparently last night (after a couple of bottles of wine) I said awful things and he went home (he hardly drinks at all). After he went I sent a text message to him saying more awful things - I feel so ashamed now, but I do things like that when I'm drunk and I really don't mean it.
I have to stop drinking NOW - before my life and my children's are ruined. Can anyone give any advice on how to stop? Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 4,469
Hi and welcome to SR. You may need a medical detox. Alcohol withdrawl is difficult. Do you have a dr who you can be open and honest with?
I go to AA. I find that I need that type of support. I know that I had to have a plan.
Hope this helps. Please keep posting. We are here for you and you are NOT alone.
I go to AA. I find that I need that type of support. I know that I had to have a plan.
Hope this helps. Please keep posting. We are here for you and you are NOT alone.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Hello Jane and welcome to SR.
One way many people find answers and great support is through AA meetings. The only thing required for the meetings would be to show up with a desire to stop drinking.
As you have a look around here at SR, read the posts at the top of the forums that say "sticky" beside them and you will find much info there as well.
Your not alone in this battle and please know it is a battle that can be won.
Many of us have found a sober way of life and you can do it also.
One way many people find answers and great support is through AA meetings. The only thing required for the meetings would be to show up with a desire to stop drinking.
As you have a look around here at SR, read the posts at the top of the forums that say "sticky" beside them and you will find much info there as well.
Your not alone in this battle and please know it is a battle that can be won.
Many of us have found a sober way of life and you can do it also.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Hey Jane, welcome to SR. I would like to reiterate what tanya said. A Dr would be a good move. There are meds that can help get over the first part of detox/cravings. Meds alone will not give you a successful sobriety. You will have to be willing to seek help. I know from many failures it can not be done alone. This is a good place to come for encouragement and support. Keep us posted and let us know how you are doing we care because we've been there.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Hi Jane,
Talking to your dr is a good idea.
For me, what helped in early sobriety, was making some significant changes in my routines. Plan to be doing something else in the evenings when you usually drink. Go out for a long walk, go to a movie, listen to music, call a friend, anything that takes your mind off drinking for a few minutes.
You can do this!
Talking to your dr is a good idea.
For me, what helped in early sobriety, was making some significant changes in my routines. Plan to be doing something else in the evenings when you usually drink. Go out for a long walk, go to a movie, listen to music, call a friend, anything that takes your mind off drinking for a few minutes.
You can do this!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Hi JK - nice to meet you! SR is the main reason I'm sitting here typing and not guzzling down my 4th beer of the day. It's wonderful that you've found us. Getting sober is a serious business, but when you begin to come out into the sunshine and the fog lifts, it's a fun place to be too. A wide variety of personalities and attitudes are found here, which makes it so unique.
Your behavior when drinking describes me exactly! Being motivated by your children to stop is a good thing - but I stopped 10 yrs. ago because my son was disgusted with me and ended up diving back into it when he left home. Just sayin'
do it for yourself too. Love, Joanie
Your behavior when drinking describes me exactly! Being motivated by your children to stop is a good thing - but I stopped 10 yrs. ago because my son was disgusted with me and ended up diving back into it when he left home. Just sayin'
do it for yourself too. Love, Joanie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Jane
Welcome and good luck
I have to second Hevyn's belief
Your behavior when drinking describes me exactly! Being motivated by your children to stop is a good thing - but I stopped 10 yrs. ago because my son was disgusted with me and ended up diving back into it when he left home. Just sayin' do it for yourself too. Love, Joanie
Although many were affected by my drinking, only if I quit for ME, will it work for ME. Quitting for other's sake, in my opinion, introduces emotional politics that can really mess with our recovery. Gives us excuses we cannot have. If a relationship goes sour, for example, our convoluted thinking might tell us to seek "revenge" by drinking again. "I'll show THEM." Just one of the scenarios.
I think by doing it for us, we are de facto making things better for others. We cannot depend on favorable reactions from others however, or even the stability of those relationships. When we commit to ourselves, however, that is a promise without baggage.
Hope to see you here often.
warrens
Welcome and good luck
I have to second Hevyn's belief
Your behavior when drinking describes me exactly! Being motivated by your children to stop is a good thing - but I stopped 10 yrs. ago because my son was disgusted with me and ended up diving back into it when he left home. Just sayin' do it for yourself too. Love, Joanie
Although many were affected by my drinking, only if I quit for ME, will it work for ME. Quitting for other's sake, in my opinion, introduces emotional politics that can really mess with our recovery. Gives us excuses we cannot have. If a relationship goes sour, for example, our convoluted thinking might tell us to seek "revenge" by drinking again. "I'll show THEM." Just one of the scenarios.
I think by doing it for us, we are de facto making things better for others. We cannot depend on favorable reactions from others however, or even the stability of those relationships. When we commit to ourselves, however, that is a promise without baggage.
Hope to see you here often.
warrens
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Hey Jane welcome to SR 
your story is so like the last 11 years of mine. I relapsed but did not use street drugs I drank and mostly wine the last 4-5 years of my drinking where like yours, and included blackouts, wetting and pooing myself, bouts of rage, being totally alone. Most nights I would phone people and abuse them write emails saying awful things. I drank through a stroke.
It ended when I had had enough and today nearly 3 years on I am in Narcotics Anonymous and have a good life, I have made amends for many of the things I did but will continue for a long time and thats ok, recovery is my life and its wonderful especially having developed a closeness with a god of my understanding. Head to AA and stay there until you get well.
Kevin
your story is so like the last 11 years of mine. I relapsed but did not use street drugs I drank and mostly wine the last 4-5 years of my drinking where like yours, and included blackouts, wetting and pooing myself, bouts of rage, being totally alone. Most nights I would phone people and abuse them write emails saying awful things. I drank through a stroke.
It ended when I had had enough and today nearly 3 years on I am in Narcotics Anonymous and have a good life, I have made amends for many of the things I did but will continue for a long time and thats ok, recovery is my life and its wonderful especially having developed a closeness with a god of my understanding. Head to AA and stay there until you get well.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 62
Can anyone give any advice on how to stop?
Try thinking about this: You do not want your children avoiding you when they're 20-30-40 years of age like I had to my own mother. They will not only move out some day, but there's a good chance they may move a long distance to keep you out of their hair after they start their own families!
This can happen, and the more you drink, the more likely it's to occur.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program...
Welcome to SR - Get some help quick! Please for the sake of your children! Make up your mind that you're going to do this, and do it now. How many of your friends drink like you do? If the answer is few to none, then imagine how they get along without it and imagine that you can achieve the same level of 'no-need'. Keep thinking that way. You can do it if you HAVE TO. And right now it sounds like you're there.
Keep posting and let us know what's going through your mind. That's what we're here for! Your support!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 62
Originally Posted by warrens
Quitting for other's sake, in my opinion, introduces emotional politics that can really mess with our recovery. Gives us excuses we cannot have. If a relationship goes sour, for example, our convoluted thinking might tell us to seek "revenge" by drinking again. "I'll show THEM." Just one of the scenarios.
You're here Jane, so right now I'd like to think you're doing it for yourself because you are feeling the sting of personal loss.
Don't go away. We'll do our best to help you out!
Recovering Alcoholic/Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 102
Welcome to SR Jane. I'd like to add some emphasis to those suggestions to talk with a doctor about your problem and ask for help. It can help a great deal in getting through the first week or so.
Just coming here shows that you know you want to quit...now go do it
Just coming here shows that you know you want to quit...now go do it
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You want to be sober and acknowledge that your life is unmanagable, good 1st step.
It is not a matter of getting sober before your teenager's lives are negatively affected, because they have been coping with your addiction and unavailablity for their whole lives.
To get sober, you have to put recovery above everything else.
Find someone to take your kids and go inpatient. Go to an AA mtg. tonight.
Let your ex, or your siblings or your parents know that you need help.
Do it for your kids. You only have a few yrs. left before they are adults.
Get healthy and give your kids a mom who can nurture and love them.
It is not a matter of getting sober before your teenager's lives are negatively affected, because they have been coping with your addiction and unavailablity for their whole lives.
To get sober, you have to put recovery above everything else.
Find someone to take your kids and go inpatient. Go to an AA mtg. tonight.
Let your ex, or your siblings or your parents know that you need help.
Do it for your kids. You only have a few yrs. left before they are adults.
Get healthy and give your kids a mom who can nurture and love them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 5
Hi all - many thanks for your welcome and support. I've been away from home on business since Sunday night and can proudly announce I haven't had a drink since Saturday eve. It's been really difficult especially staying in an hotel (usually a good excuse to have a skinful!). The thing that is really helping at the moment is there is loads of bad press stories in the UK this week about alcohol abuse that have scared the wits out of me.
One story about a very successful, high flying female lawyer who died aged 39. She had finally seeked help for her drink problem, but one day just started haemoraging and died. Apparently you can have no symptoms and your pancreas just goes. The press has also been talking about the effects of alcohol on people's looks. Apparently it can age you by 10 years once you're over 40. I definately want to stop for ME - and also my kids.
I'm really wishing I could have a glass of wine right now - but I'm going to tackle cleaning my house instead to keep my mind off things.
Thanks again for your support.
Jane
One story about a very successful, high flying female lawyer who died aged 39. She had finally seeked help for her drink problem, but one day just started haemoraging and died. Apparently you can have no symptoms and your pancreas just goes. The press has also been talking about the effects of alcohol on people's looks. Apparently it can age you by 10 years once you're over 40. I definately want to stop for ME - and also my kids.
I'm really wishing I could have a glass of wine right now - but I'm going to tackle cleaning my house instead to keep my mind off things.
Thanks again for your support.
Jane
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Miamisburg, Ohio
Posts: 217
Hi Jane, Welcome, I'm new here myself. In early sobriety I often asked myself if I was getting sober for me or my family. The truth is I couldn't stand the way I was treating people around me. Like you I kept doing things that created guilt and shame and I needed to stop.
So I kind of look at it as...I not getting sober because of my family but because of what I do to my family when I use. I've learned what I'd suspected for a long time...I'm not a bad person, I'm a sick person.
I found help at AA meetings. I recommend going there and listening to the people there that have long term sobriety. I promise you because I've experienced it....life gets much better. Good Luck!
God's Peace
So I kind of look at it as...I not getting sober because of my family but because of what I do to my family when I use. I've learned what I'd suspected for a long time...I'm not a bad person, I'm a sick person.
I found help at AA meetings. I recommend going there and listening to the people there that have long term sobriety. I promise you because I've experienced it....life gets much better. Good Luck!
God's Peace
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Jane, every day without a drink does get better if you are working on changing yourself and not just not drinking.
I quit drinking a ton of times and always wound up drinking again and could never figure out why? I found out once I went to detox that there is far more to staying stopped then just simply not drinking, I learned that the reason I could never stay stopped is I remained the exact same person I was when I was drinking, I simply did not drink.
Well in detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I should go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. What I found in AA was a group of people who had been just like I was that had found a way to stay sober and live a happy life doing it. They found change in the 12 steps, I did as well and found a great support group and great new friends.
I quit drinking a ton of times and always wound up drinking again and could never figure out why? I found out once I went to detox that there is far more to staying stopped then just simply not drinking, I learned that the reason I could never stay stopped is I remained the exact same person I was when I was drinking, I simply did not drink.
Well in detox they told me if I wanted a chance to stay sober I should go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor. What I found in AA was a group of people who had been just like I was that had found a way to stay sober and live a happy life doing it. They found change in the 12 steps, I did as well and found a great support group and great new friends.
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