To Dump or Not To Dump?
Bring Laughter Wherever You Go
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 357
To Dump or Not To Dump?
Many experienced with sobriety suggest dumping out the booze in the house.
I understand why they say that. If I were single or my husband didn't drink, that might be possible. But neither is the case. My husband drinks, and despite my need for recovery, he keeps booze around and drinks in front of me.
I haven't complained one bit. Reason being:
We have to live in a world surrounded by things we ....are/have been/could.... be addicted to. Eataholics have to be around food everyday. Not just be around it, they still have to eat, despite their disorder. Can you imagine how hard it would be to suffer from alcoholism and yet you HAD to have 3 drinks a day to survive, but anything more or less would be considered a 'disorder'?
Yes, their story is different because their bodies are not actually 'addicted' to the food...it is their emotional state that is. However, I would imagine 'recovered eataholics' struggle with their disorder from time to time.
And the same can be said for shopoholics, etc..
So I figure IF it can be done, to be an 'aholic' of some/any sort, and have to live in a world surrounded by what you used to use to medicate. Why can't I do the same.
I DO have to live in a world of drinking. My husband drinks, my family and friends drink. Whether I have it in my home or not, I am surrounded by drinking. If not by other's actual drinking, how all around me? Ever notice how inundated our society is with drinking? It's plastered everywhere, advertising, movies, commercials, music, books, poems....etc, etc.. So ya, I do have to live with it. And having it around, seeing it isn't the problem, it is my thinking, what drives me to pick up that is the problem. So whether I pick up the drink that is in front of me, or I am a dry drunk.....wanting to drink, but not able to because I don't have any booze.....I'm still sick.
Yes, I understand that being a dry drunk is better than being drunk. I agree. But my point is simply this. I am the one who has to get better. I cannot baby myself and keep alcohol out of my sight to keep me sober. That is working backwards. I need to want sobriety more than I want the drink (quoting a wise SR'er).
Anyways, just my latest two cents.
I'm sure lots of y'all are going to disagree....that's cool. This is just how I feel. What works for me.
Tay.
Can we all agree we're happy it is Saturday?
I understand why they say that. If I were single or my husband didn't drink, that might be possible. But neither is the case. My husband drinks, and despite my need for recovery, he keeps booze around and drinks in front of me.
I haven't complained one bit. Reason being:
We have to live in a world surrounded by things we ....are/have been/could.... be addicted to. Eataholics have to be around food everyday. Not just be around it, they still have to eat, despite their disorder. Can you imagine how hard it would be to suffer from alcoholism and yet you HAD to have 3 drinks a day to survive, but anything more or less would be considered a 'disorder'?
Yes, their story is different because their bodies are not actually 'addicted' to the food...it is their emotional state that is. However, I would imagine 'recovered eataholics' struggle with their disorder from time to time.
And the same can be said for shopoholics, etc..
So I figure IF it can be done, to be an 'aholic' of some/any sort, and have to live in a world surrounded by what you used to use to medicate. Why can't I do the same.
I DO have to live in a world of drinking. My husband drinks, my family and friends drink. Whether I have it in my home or not, I am surrounded by drinking. If not by other's actual drinking, how all around me? Ever notice how inundated our society is with drinking? It's plastered everywhere, advertising, movies, commercials, music, books, poems....etc, etc.. So ya, I do have to live with it. And having it around, seeing it isn't the problem, it is my thinking, what drives me to pick up that is the problem. So whether I pick up the drink that is in front of me, or I am a dry drunk.....wanting to drink, but not able to because I don't have any booze.....I'm still sick.
Yes, I understand that being a dry drunk is better than being drunk. I agree. But my point is simply this. I am the one who has to get better. I cannot baby myself and keep alcohol out of my sight to keep me sober. That is working backwards. I need to want sobriety more than I want the drink (quoting a wise SR'er).
Anyways, just my latest two cents.
I'm sure lots of y'all are going to disagree....that's cool. This is just how I feel. What works for me.
Tay.
Can we all agree we're happy it is Saturday?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
I'm happy it's Saturday!
As I've read most people recommend staying away from alcohol during the first few days/months of sobriety. After the obsession goes away you should be able to be around it because you are right, it IS everywhere!
As I've read most people recommend staying away from alcohol during the first few days/months of sobriety. After the obsession goes away you should be able to be around it because you are right, it IS everywhere!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi Tay-lyn,
I agree completely that this is about you and not about what goes on around you.
I am lucky because we never keep alcohol in the house. It just makes life a little more simple knowing that it's not there. My husband stopped drinking when I did, not because he ever had a problem, but because, see what alcohol had done to me,put him off drinking.
We also don't spend much time around people who drink. That's a choice I made when I stopped drinking. Each of us have different situations and we just have to do whatever it takes.
I agree completely that this is about you and not about what goes on around you.
I am lucky because we never keep alcohol in the house. It just makes life a little more simple knowing that it's not there. My husband stopped drinking when I did, not because he ever had a problem, but because, see what alcohol had done to me,put him off drinking.
We also don't spend much time around people who drink. That's a choice I made when I stopped drinking. Each of us have different situations and we just have to do whatever it takes.
-Samantha
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 16
i also live in a house where alcohol is always going to be present. my father is an alcoholic and shows no signs of wanting or willing to change. that is something that i am going to have to look at every day. not the greatest situation for me being a newly sober person, but i cant let it be an excuse that i don't succeed.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
We never really kept alcohol in the house either...except when we were both active alcoholics. Once he left, I continued drinking mostly outside the home, until I quit. However, the one time I relapsed, it was on a Christmas gift that I should have known better than to keep...and, I had set myself up for relapse...so, it was easy with the stuff in the house.
After that, there was never any drinking alcohol in my home...and, no drinking there by family or friends. My home, my rules.
Whatever works for you is fine...but, if it should create a problem or added pressure for you, then maybe you need to reexamine the situation...before you pick up!
After that, there was never any drinking alcohol in my home...and, no drinking there by family or friends. My home, my rules.
Whatever works for you is fine...but, if it should create a problem or added pressure for you, then maybe you need to reexamine the situation...before you pick up!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Tay-Lyn
Your situation and mine are quite similar. M'lady drinks (normally) and keeps a liter of vodka in the house. Many times on the the kitchen counter.
But, she has given me so much. She is supporting me through a nightmare. Lesser women would have left so fast their shadow would still be here.
Fortunately, liquor (eg, vodka) was not my drink of choice. I'm a beer guy. I don't seem to crave "alcohol" in any form, although, when drunk, I would take a swig now and then.
Your situation is yours alone, as is mine. M'lady is gone overnight at least once/week and a weekend once/month. When she leaves I ask her to "hide" the bottle, just to get it out of my face. Just in case.
I'm glad it is this way for me. I hope it will allow me to regain her trust more quickly. And I think it lessens the "this is all about ME" syndrome that surrounds the recovering alcoholic. She doesn't "own" it, I do. And if I were really out of control right now, I'd find a way anyhow without her vodka. The world doesn't cease to exist just because we've decided to become part of it.
warrens
Your situation and mine are quite similar. M'lady drinks (normally) and keeps a liter of vodka in the house. Many times on the the kitchen counter.
But, she has given me so much. She is supporting me through a nightmare. Lesser women would have left so fast their shadow would still be here.
Fortunately, liquor (eg, vodka) was not my drink of choice. I'm a beer guy. I don't seem to crave "alcohol" in any form, although, when drunk, I would take a swig now and then.
Your situation is yours alone, as is mine. M'lady is gone overnight at least once/week and a weekend once/month. When she leaves I ask her to "hide" the bottle, just to get it out of my face. Just in case.
I'm glad it is this way for me. I hope it will allow me to regain her trust more quickly. And I think it lessens the "this is all about ME" syndrome that surrounds the recovering alcoholic. She doesn't "own" it, I do. And if I were really out of control right now, I'd find a way anyhow without her vodka. The world doesn't cease to exist just because we've decided to become part of it.
warrens
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Agreed to disagree.
One teeny tiny medically proven fact:
Shopaholics do not suffer convusions acute liver failure and sudden death if they are not taken to a mall immediately if unexpedly deprived of a credit card when on a "binge".
There is a certain modicum of responsibility that might be observed when making certain statements regarding alcoholism.
Other that that one small detail - we're fine.
One teeny tiny medically proven fact:
Shopaholics do not suffer convusions acute liver failure and sudden death if they are not taken to a mall immediately if unexpedly deprived of a credit card when on a "binge".
There is a certain modicum of responsibility that might be observed when making certain statements regarding alcoholism.
Other that that one small detail - we're fine.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Great Saturday here, The sun is out today.
I am pretty lucky that the people I know today do not drink. I started drinking when I was young because every one was doing it. I just wanted to fit in.
I had to except the fact that people can drink and not abuse it.
I am pretty lucky that the people I know today do not drink. I started drinking when I was young because every one was doing it. I just wanted to fit in.
I had to except the fact that people can drink and not abuse it.
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Tay, it's up to you of course. You handled the stereo incident really well, but I for one would be antsy if I had alcohol around the house.
At this point, I find it comforting to know that it's well out of reach, and have no qualms throwing out any alcohol that people may bring to my home - honestly, why do they keep showing up with three year supplies of booze!! Lol, I guess I have a tipsy reputation.
But anyway, I agree with Anna, we're all at different places and have to work with what we have.
Matt
At this point, I find it comforting to know that it's well out of reach, and have no qualms throwing out any alcohol that people may bring to my home - honestly, why do they keep showing up with three year supplies of booze!! Lol, I guess I have a tipsy reputation.
But anyway, I agree with Anna, we're all at different places and have to work with what we have.
Matt
Bring Laughter Wherever You Go
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 357
Originally Posted by tay-lyn 
However, I would imagine 'recovered eataholics' struggle with their disorder from time to time.
I believe I am responsible when making statements about addiction, which is why I put in my thread "I would imagine.......still struggle'.
I don't profess to KNOW the mechanics of anyone elses struggles.
But I do know mine.
That's all.
Hope you don't mind my rebuttal.I truely hope you're enjoying your day.
Tay
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
A fabulous Saturday up here in the Rockies as well!
Day 15 and feeling great! I'll not let anything deter me from enjoying the world this day and next. I too accept the fact that my disease, while central to me, is not central to the world. May those who use alcohol responsibly today enjoy it. A great day for a beer or two.
I plan on joining the world today. A 30 mile mountain drive for a nice pub lunch with M'lady. Better than hiding out in the cabin. And just like I don't use insulin, I won't share M'lady's beer. But I will enjoy the world today and not just part of it.
If getting cured means becoming a bitter isolate, I wish no part of it. If getting cured means a life of eternal nail biting and a minute to minute test of "willpower" it is not a life worth living.
But then, that's just me... I hope everyone here can find at least a minute today to say "It is bleepin' great to be alive!" And sober enough to know it. Thanks for reminding me, Comet!
warrens
Day 15 and feeling great! I'll not let anything deter me from enjoying the world this day and next. I too accept the fact that my disease, while central to me, is not central to the world. May those who use alcohol responsibly today enjoy it. A great day for a beer or two.
I plan on joining the world today. A 30 mile mountain drive for a nice pub lunch with M'lady. Better than hiding out in the cabin. And just like I don't use insulin, I won't share M'lady's beer. But I will enjoy the world today and not just part of it.
If getting cured means becoming a bitter isolate, I wish no part of it. If getting cured means a life of eternal nail biting and a minute to minute test of "willpower" it is not a life worth living.
But then, that's just me... I hope everyone here can find at least a minute today to say "It is bleepin' great to be alive!" And sober enough to know it. Thanks for reminding me, Comet!
warrens
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
Personally, I really don't know if I would drink if I had it in front of me right now. To be safe, I've already dumped all the booze in the house and am pretty much isolating myself right now. Whenever I drive into town all I can think about is the liquor store- so much vodka, calling me. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Tay, you nearly drank yesterday cos you turned on the stereo...
to me, using your analogies (which I don't agree with btw but that's neither here not there), it's like locking the shopaholic in the mall, or leaving someone with an eating disorder in a cakeshop
yes alcohol is all around and we have to learn to live with it. No reason to take that literally tho...
like Barb suggested, alcoholism is a little more serious than an addiction to shopping...we poison ourselves...the situation needs respect.
my advice ? talk to your husband.
D
to me, using your analogies (which I don't agree with btw but that's neither here not there), it's like locking the shopaholic in the mall, or leaving someone with an eating disorder in a cakeshop
yes alcohol is all around and we have to learn to live with it. No reason to take that literally tho...
like Barb suggested, alcoholism is a little more serious than an addiction to shopping...we poison ourselves...the situation needs respect.
my advice ? talk to your husband.
D
Bring Laughter Wherever You Go
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 357
Originally Posted by Dee74
alcoholism is a little more serious than an addiction to shopping...we poison ourselves...the situation needs respect.
D
D
And regarding 'locking the shopoholic or eataholic in a place they would struggle in'.....that was kinda my point.
Living in a place that is saturated with alcohol...beit actual booze, advertising, movies, books, etc....(again, re-read my thread).......living in a place like that, is much like being locked in a liquor store. The whole POINT of my thread was that we are always exposed to it. We don't stay sober simply because there is no alcohol in reach.
Anyways, again, we disagree...what else is new right Dee?
I always enjoy a good debate. Seems like you do too!
Tay.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
inflation made my two cents a nickle
So here's my nickle worth.
My experience is that in early recovery having alcohol that accessible was just tempting fate. It is not unlike right now with trying to lose weight. I don't keep sweets in the house unless they are low fat, no or low sugar diet type sweets. I do that because I know for a while until my body adjusts to not having the carbs and sweets I will have days when I will struggle and really want those things. If they are right there in the cabinet they are close enough that I can get to them without putting too much thought into it. If I had to go the store I would have to put more thought into the process as well as it would take longer to get my hands on it. In early sobriety not having it in the house actually kept me from picking up a few times.
Today, I don't have a problem with alcohol being around. I have normie friends and even have gone into a liquor store to buy them alcohol as a gift. When I know they are coming by I make sure to pick up a nice bottle of wine for them just in case they want some. But I will have 7 years on the 13th of this month. It took until I was 3 years sober to be comfortable enough with my sobriety to go into a liquor store.
Everybody is different. I do think though that not having it in the house in early sobriety is a positive thing.
My experience is that in early recovery having alcohol that accessible was just tempting fate. It is not unlike right now with trying to lose weight. I don't keep sweets in the house unless they are low fat, no or low sugar diet type sweets. I do that because I know for a while until my body adjusts to not having the carbs and sweets I will have days when I will struggle and really want those things. If they are right there in the cabinet they are close enough that I can get to them without putting too much thought into it. If I had to go the store I would have to put more thought into the process as well as it would take longer to get my hands on it. In early sobriety not having it in the house actually kept me from picking up a few times.
Today, I don't have a problem with alcohol being around. I have normie friends and even have gone into a liquor store to buy them alcohol as a gift. When I know they are coming by I make sure to pick up a nice bottle of wine for them just in case they want some. But I will have 7 years on the 13th of this month. It took until I was 3 years sober to be comfortable enough with my sobriety to go into a liquor store.
Everybody is different. I do think though that not having it in the house in early sobriety is a positive thing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Living in a place that is saturated with alcohol...beit actual booze, advertising, movies, books, etc....(again, re-read my thread).......living in a place like that, is much like being locked in a liquor store. The whole POINT of my thread was that we are always exposed to it. We don't stay sober simply because there is no alcohol in reach.
but the new kinder gentler Dee says...good luck!!
if you can manage not to give in to that, it'll be a great boost for you T-L
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 423
nandm - I can really relate (I have 4 1/2 years sobriety.) The only weird thing that still bothers me is to see people drink to excess. Its like I can handle seeing people drink a glass of wine or two, but I absolutely cannot stand being around people that are getting drunk. I am not sure why that is, except I would guess that it is a painful reminder of my own past drinking.
Dave
Dave
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
In early days (1st year or so) I choose not to be around booze let only have any in the house.
Its nearly always a problem in early recover, later well thats later...
I read here that your sure its ok for you to be around booze and people drinking it right now, so I have a question. Why ask others then?
Kevin
Its nearly always a problem in early recover, later well thats later...
I read here that your sure its ok for you to be around booze and people drinking it right now, so I have a question. Why ask others then?
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: library
Posts: 131
I once felt exactly as you do. However, I asked my husband to put a lock on the liquor cabinet. (Four teenagers in the house was also a good reason--I trust them, it's a "just in case" thing with their friends over.) I have felt so much better about it. We keep it unlocked around holidays and such but mostly I don't even think about it. We have wine and beer in the fridge but I never drank either--took too much to get me drunk--could care less about them.
If I sincerely wanted a drink, I would have to go out to the store and buy one. I'm not that motivated.
I was a solitary drinker so it doesn't bother me at all to see others drink. Big advantage for me.
jane
If I sincerely wanted a drink, I would have to go out to the store and buy one. I'm not that motivated.
I was a solitary drinker so it doesn't bother me at all to see others drink. Big advantage for me.
jane
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