lrvp99

My long-time girlfriend's family is very large, and has family get togethers frequently, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, visitors from out of town, you name it. Every time I go to one, people are constantly shoving a beer, glass of wine, or a mixed drink in my face. They don't really know about my disease. My girlfriend does know, and is very supportive of my attempts at recovery. I guess I need to talk to her about not attending the parties anymore. I'll have to figgure out what to do to occupy my time while sitting them out.

Mattcake

HI Irv,
Talking to your gf seems like a good idea. However, do you want to drop out of these gatherings because the alcohol tempts you? If so I agree, you'd better sit them out. Or are you just uncomfortable with sticking to non-alcohol drinks while everyone else is getting pi$sed?

IMHO people just don't care about what you're drinking. I've been to lots of parties during my sobriety bouts, and people just shrug when I refuse the booze and stick to soda. Or I get blank/dazed/drunk stares. I never launch into an explanation, I just tell them I don't drink alcohol. But then, I never enjoyed drinking alcohol in social gatherings in the first place, so I'm used to the drunk scene.

Matt

lrvp99

Matt,
Its just that people keep shoving drinks at me. Most of them don't even drink, and the ones who do, don't drink much, not by my standards anyway. They know I like to drink so I guess they are just being accomodating. It's just too tempting when they keep handing me alcohol.

resistra

I never drank away from my own home. Any party or whatever when the folks did this same thing to me - I always say, no way man! If I did you won't be able to get rid of me until the next morning, besides, I never drink away from home, just gimme a sprite. And I do it staring straight in their face, without embarrassment. It's called taking control of your own situation. You can do it - it just takes some practice and confidence which will come with time.

Otherwise, I always keep a glass of sprite or coke in my hand so nobody will bother me with more of the other.

I would like to think that her family would actually respect you a little more for not drinking.

If that doesn't work for you then I guess I'd find a way to eliminate the parties like Matt said.

Mattcake

I guess you'd better avoid the parties then, if you're tempted. That, or let them know you no longer drink, and ask them for support if it feels appropriate to you. In any case, it seems like talking to your gf first is a good idea.

M

warrens

Irv and everyone else

I've seen a lot of posts/threads like this and I don't quite understand. Personally, with people I'm close to, I don't have any issues with "I'm an alcoholic." Lots and lots of people in the public eye are alcoholics (GWB, for one) and freely admit to it. Big difference between a "practicing alcoholic and a recovering alcoholic.

That doesn't mean I'm going to broadcast it to the masses, however. Why should I? No one votes for me. I'm no Mel Gibson.

But, I wonder, in the type of situation you describe, why not simply say "I can't, I have an allergy to alcohol?" Those who know the code will "get it," others will simply think it the same as peanut allergy. Endo of conversation.

I ask this not just of you but of all. I don't mean to hijack your thread, but it seems almost the same question.

People who are not alcoholics CAN have an allergy to alcohol. Lots of Asians cannot drink anything without suffering dire consequences. Why shouldn't you (and I) feel very comfortable just uttering those words to "end" the conversation? Anyone else simply do that?

Thanks

warrens

wooforever

Irv,

Why do you tell the family of your disease? I am sure if you let them either you do not drink or that you can not drink they will stop that.

Tazman53

I have found that a simple "No thanks, I quit drinking" takes care of that every time. If you do not want to do that just keep a full soda with you.

Jersey Nonny

Who, when, and how you "share" your alcoholism with is entirely up to you...it's a personal choice. You'll know when you feel comfortable being "right up front" with whomever.

Until then...if you're not uncomfortable being around the drinkers, a simple, "No thanks, I've been having an allergic reaction to alcohol." Eventually, unless they're so crocked they can't remember, the message will sink in.

If, however, you're uncomfortable being in the company of drinkers...by all means stay away! It isn't worth jeopardizing your sobriety!