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If I can get through tonight...

Old 02-26-2008, 05:51 PM
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If I can get through tonight...

So I've been battling addiction for the past 20+ years. My last period of sobriety lasted 19 days. I've gone through the yo-yo's of success and failure with this disease so many times I have lost count.
Tonight my partner, and my life, of six years discovered that she is yet again missing meds. She habitually counts them because she is now suffering just as much from this disease as I am. She has yo-yo'd through forgiveness to blame over and over again.
I'm too tired and exhausted to continue. I'm physically, emotionally, spiritually drained through and through. Tonight my thoughts are around whether or not I'll be forgiven once again. I should be focused on whether or not I'll stay sober tomorrow. But I'm overwhelmed by all of these feelings.
I am so grateful to have found this site. It has given me somewhere to channel all of this and I've stopped crying from the self-loathing.
It's so easy to feel utterly isolated and alone in this. Esp when my partner sits nearby wondering what the $!#@ is wrong with me and why she can't keep her medication in the house.
Through rambling. Thanks again for just being here...
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Old 02-26-2008, 05:57 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

Oh, I remember so well, wondering desparately, if I would be forgiven again. How I absolutely hated those times. The self-loathing is a killer, literally and I know it kept me from recovering for a long time. Try to step away from it and be kind to yourself.

You have found a good place to visit for support and I hope you keep posting.
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Old 02-26-2008, 05:58 PM
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you will always be forgiven in2wen...

forgive yourself too...

you can do it!

love, blessings and recovery...

rz
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Old 02-26-2008, 05:58 PM
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not a greeter
 
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Hi and welcome In2Wen . If you stick around I'm sure you'll find some good support, info and hopefully answers.

I know it can be overwhelming at the beginning but just get through tonight and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here.
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Old 02-26-2008, 06:04 PM
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You must learn to forgive yourself first.
Glad you found us.
Welcome
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Old 02-26-2008, 06:08 PM
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I think that I've said this somewhere else on here but I feel it's applicable in this situation as well. These people, including myself enjoy reading your babbles, your rambles, you whines, your momentary lack of sanities, and just about anything that your mind can come up with. These people have been nice to me and helped me more than I thought possible. Please keep rambling, it'll help. I'm battling opiate addiction and all demons associated with. I'm sure you know that hurting loved ones is just a fun side effect of substance abuse. It has taken, and is taking, me time to be completely honest with myself and with the things that I post on here. I'm here to chat if you need.
Keep posting and stay with it. I hope tomorrow is your first sober day. You know that you can do it. It will suck and suck and suck but it's doable.
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Old 02-26-2008, 06:55 PM
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Welcome!

Now stop beating yourself up!

You have found a place where you will find thousands of others from all around the world who are/have been in the same situation where you are right now. When I first got into Recovery it was a huge relief to find out that I am not the only person out there who has lied, cheated and stolen from our loved ones. I thought I was a horrible person, here I was stealing pills from my Mother who has serious medical conditions. I beat myself up for many years about the things I did and the people I hurt. Don't let that keep you from getting the help that you so deserve. You're not a horrible person. You have a disease. You will learn to forgive yourself.

But, just for today, worry about today.

You can't dry today's clothes in yesterday's sun.

Keep Coming Back!
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Old 02-26-2008, 07:24 PM
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Welcome to SR.

Yor not alone in how your feeling. 100% sure most of us have been in the same spot more than once.

Just gotta keep working on sobriety,recovery and never give up!!!!
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Old 02-26-2008, 07:52 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Welcome to SR!


Prayers that you both find healing and health.
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Old 02-27-2008, 10:17 AM
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I made it through the night! And I haven't used today. Feeling pretty good if not a bit anxious - heart is racing. My partner gave me a kiss this morning before she left for work. Life shall continue it appears.
Thank you all for your responses! It's given me something to look forward to.
I need a mantra! Tee Hee
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Old 02-27-2008, 10:36 AM
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One thing I've found that has been infinitely valuable, is reading the stories of others, and how my situation is so small in comparison with others. If others can beat it with such hefty odds against them, then surely I can do it. Keep reading lots of threads and posts... it helps me a lot!
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