resistra

10 years basically a 'home alone' drinker.

I mean - Drink until I'm freakin done, and go to sleep. Never drive even after the first sip - even then, if I were ever out of smokes or something I would ride my bike to the corner store - never get behind the wheel. I never went to clubs. Even when I did with my ex-gf years ago, I never drank anything other than coke, sprite or coffee at one. I hate drunk drivers.

I could never drink a fifth of any liquor, (or anywhere near so much as some people here post about - wow), but I could darn sure put away 1.5 litres of chardonnay, or 8 expensive foreign brews in a sitting... or a couple of big 40's whatever you call them. In the last 5 years I'd cut back 'a bit'... haha... Why? I got married. Hid the more moderate drinking into after hours late night alone times - then go to sleep at 2-4 am.

About 2 years ago I just quit drinking one day because I got fed up with it, the hang overs etc... 3 days later I got hit with what felt like I had the worst flu in the world. I didn't have hallucinations or anything, it just felt like I got literally slammed with hard core flu. It lasted about a day and a half, funny thing was, I never had a high temperature - my forehead was literally cold. About half way through this - I was sitting in my bathtub (ahh nice hot water felt good) to help the 'flu' symptoms and I realized what was going on ... "... this has got to be what the dt's are like..." (well now I know it's not real dt's just a normal withdrawal).

I even explained to my wife that I had figured out what was going on and she was surprised - but yet not. But she was very supportive.

Stupid me about a month later I resumed my nightly routine - couple of three big beers, or wine or whatever it was. Of course, this was after testing self with one... haha! Yeah right. One ends up being 3,4... And, ends up repeating itself again every night.

So here I am today, I got really fed up with myself this last couple of months because my gut looks like crap - Usually I'm a heavy built 195 and carry it well on a stocky frame, but looking at myself in photos I now look like a beached whale - (oh man, between how I looked 6 years ago and today is so embarrassing!) Plus - I've been drinking the equivalent of a 6 pack every night, the physical nerve symptoms next day tick me off (skin all over my abdomen feels like it's on fire), I hate it. I have the same standard nasty headache every morning... I couldn't hold my hands steady at any time of the day, just like my dad (yep he was too). This was also embarrassing, degrading and frustrating.

What is bothering me now... is where are the detox nightmares? Where are all the flu-like symptoms I had 2 years ago? I've been praying every day since Thursday that I'll get over this easier than last time and the worst thing I've had to endure is normal insomnia, which I've been successful in beating by making sure I'm up at 7:30, and hit the sack at 11ish every night... along with a bunch of melatonin.

All my life, there has never been a time when I couldn't go a day or two without a drink. I could always forgo a day or so... but my internal logic said yeah it's cool, no problem, the beer's just around the corner I can go get one anytime I feel like it. But I've been so insecure about getting past the last 6 days I've kept a six pack in the back of my suv (purchased and not touched on Saturday night) - only now I'm sure it's quite awful and spoiled now from the weather - ughhh... Gotta go throw it out.

Has anyone had an on again, off again experience as mild as mine seems to be? Or am I fooling myself and then on day xx I'm gonna get slammed with hysteria and full blown dt's?

I want to make sure this is going to be the last time I have to do this. God my gut looks like a giant basketball stuck to the side of a telephone pole. My wife and her friends have made the 'pregnant' joke about me (laughingly and lovingly I should add) for a couple of years now... and seeing my ugly butt in a beach photo standing up was disgusting! (I hate myself for this!)

But the good things are!!!!! No more hang over. No more skin on fire every morning. My hands stopped shaking after day 2. I feel like I'm losing weight! My appetite is still good! I feel so much more empowered... I'm spending NORMAL time at night with my wife and son... and this feels strange because it's not my normal way - but perhaps that's the way it should be. Thinking they probably appreciate it more than me, but all I know is that I feel a heck of a lot better today than I did a week ago.

Note that in all of this I'm not trying to minimize my behavior, or make some observations seem insignificant. I'm just trying to reason out and understand the lack of physical effects of this round of quitting.

I'm just praying that it stays this way and I won't ever feel the need to test myself again, or just say the heck with it and have one again dang it. I'm looking into attending a local aa group here as there's lots of them.

Thanks all for listening.

Jersey Nonny

May I just say, "Welcome to Sober Recovery, and count your blessings!" For whatever reason, you're being spared the agony of withdrawal. Going to some AA meetings would be an excellent way of getting the support needed in case Ol' Devil Alcoholism rears it's ugly head again.

adore79

Well, welcome to SR! I hope this round of withdrawl IS easier than the other time. Don't you just love the way you lose weight after quitting? I lost ten pounds the last time I quit.

resistra

Yes and thanks much to both of you.

I've spent the entire (work) day reading tons of posts here. I figured that if I'm going to consider going to one of those ahem... meetings, perhaps there may be an online forum somewhere so I can at least get more familiar with what I'm going through.

I must say I'm in shocked at some of the really unbelievable demons that a lot of folks here have to battle, with narcotics and prior alcohol habits of 20-30+ beers a day for how many years? My father and mother were both alcoholics, and in my younger years I tried to convince them many times to slow down or stop. The last time I brought this up and told my mom she needed to get help, she just looked at me and said - 'what if I don't want help?'. That ended that battle right there. Both of them died from long term affects of alcoholism. I am determined to not be like this.

This forum is somewhat enjoyable, relaxing and at times it gives me some minor fits of anxiety reading what others are going through. So, if what I'm experiencing now is what is left of my physical detox experience, then I HOPE I don't/won't need to learn my lesson again by relapsing into the daily stupid 2/24 oz habit because this is relatively easy. What's cool is that if I feel like drinking again all I need to do is come here and read a bit - I'll read right through all the urges!!! (I hope!)

Thanks!