i need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 55
i need help
K, today is day one. I dont even know what I'm trying to do here. I just want to go a week without getting plastered. I can't even seem to make it 2 days though. So today is DAY ONE. I need help. I dont wanna drink, I dont wanna smoke cigarettes, I dont wanna smoke weed. I wanna be sober and happy with it. I dont want that constant urge to drink, I dont want that voice in my head ALWAYS giving me a reason to drink...there's always a reason to drink, I've come to realize that...work was rough, I need a beer. Friends are coming by, I need a beer. It's Friday, I need a beer. I'm bored, let's have a beer. Why can't I just be sober? Why do I want to alter my mind? I dont get it, I guess I never will. I know this. I AM an addict. No gettin around that. I CANNOT drink in moderation. I always try, it never ends up that way. I need to STOP IT ALL. I'm sick of it. God I hate that I'm smoking cigarettes again!!! I dont want to be addicted to them!! I WILL NOT become a smoker again!! I promised myself I wouldn't start again, because quitting was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I have to remind myself that I never want to go through that hell again. I wanna be a good mom, a good girlfriend. I want a clear mind, I want to remember everything. I'm sick of hangovers. Im sick of smelling like a brewery and an ashtray. I'm so sick of all of it!!! I need encouragement. My boyfriend doesn't understand...when I say I wanna drink, he says go ahead. I need someone to tell me, "NO, you do NOT want to drink." I tried to stay sober just during the week, I fell off the wagon MONDAY. Pathetic.
Naturally Occuring Phenomenon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 437
its cool. you don't have to continue drinking and getting cuh-knockered daily. I did this such behavior all the time & was able to stop. & if I could do it so can you. Trust me, I'm no testament to the greatness that is mankind. Try AA.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi and Welcome,
It sounds like you're ready to make some big changes in your life. And, it's hard for people who are not addicts to understand our behaviour. That's why we come here because people understand.
Take it slow and get through today and stay focused on your recovery. Be patient with yourself and take care of you.
It sounds like you're ready to make some big changes in your life. And, it's hard for people who are not addicts to understand our behaviour. That's why we come here because people understand.
Take it slow and get through today and stay focused on your recovery. Be patient with yourself and take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Durham
Posts: 4
Hey there
It's day one for me too. I feel like you do.....I'm wasting another lovely sunny day lieing in bed feeling ill and miserable after downing more than 2 bottles of wine last night and smoking again after I'd quit for 8 weeks. I'm so sick of living like this.
It's day one for me too. I feel like you do.....I'm wasting another lovely sunny day lieing in bed feeling ill and miserable after downing more than 2 bottles of wine last night and smoking again after I'd quit for 8 weeks. I'm so sick of living like this.
Illegitimi Non Carborundum
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Old Home Terra
Posts: 4,272
TFC... Print out your post and tape it to the refrigerator to remind yourself of what you want and to help strengthen your resolve.
Try having a talk with your BF. Tell him that you want to quit and that you need his help. When you say "I want to drink", tell him that you aren't asking for him to condone it, but rather, you are asking him to lend you strength and support so that you don't. It isn't a "may I do this" -- instead its a cry for help. Make sure he understands that, and that you are very serious about this.
Also remember that this is a "one day at a time" thing... Even setting a one week goal can be too big of an elephant. You eat an elephant one bite at a time, not one leg per gulp. Remember that "just for right now", "just for this day", or "just for this hour" is all the goal you need.
"Just for right now I CHOOSE not to drink/smoke/etc... Maybe I will again later, I don't know, but RIGHT NOW I will NOT"... Living up to that choice for an hour or even a whole day is enough... And when you achieve that goal, make the choice again. It isn't for forever, its just for right now... and then repeat.
Here's something a lot of people tell newcomers in AA... "Its really simple at this point... You only have to do two things... 1) Don't drink between meetings... 2) Go to at least one meeting each day... That's it, that's all it takes right now".
One day at a time... The weeks will take care of themselves.
You are not alone!
Try having a talk with your BF. Tell him that you want to quit and that you need his help. When you say "I want to drink", tell him that you aren't asking for him to condone it, but rather, you are asking him to lend you strength and support so that you don't. It isn't a "may I do this" -- instead its a cry for help. Make sure he understands that, and that you are very serious about this.
Also remember that this is a "one day at a time" thing... Even setting a one week goal can be too big of an elephant. You eat an elephant one bite at a time, not one leg per gulp. Remember that "just for right now", "just for this day", or "just for this hour" is all the goal you need.
"Just for right now I CHOOSE not to drink/smoke/etc... Maybe I will again later, I don't know, but RIGHT NOW I will NOT"... Living up to that choice for an hour or even a whole day is enough... And when you achieve that goal, make the choice again. It isn't for forever, its just for right now... and then repeat.
Here's something a lot of people tell newcomers in AA... "Its really simple at this point... You only have to do two things... 1) Don't drink between meetings... 2) Go to at least one meeting each day... That's it, that's all it takes right now".
One day at a time... The weeks will take care of themselves.
You are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Time
People far wiser than I will, I'm sure, give you sound advice. I'm only in day nine(doing great). Like many, it took a 2x4 over the head (dui) to come to terms with my illness and my brain. Aside from the considerable legal and financial problems it is causing, it (the dui) has been a gift from god.
It took that for me to cease negotiating with myself and put to rest any notion that I was "normal" when it comes to alcohol. What core ripping event will it take for you? It's coming. For sure. Guaranteed.You are tried to the tracks and there's a train a comin'. It might be five miles away, one mile away, but it's there. And it carries no whistle, and it doesn't sound like prince charming is there to save you at the last moment.
OPINION: Your boyfriend needs to become a MANfriend. If he doesn't, you are screwed. By enabling and encouraging you to drink he might as well be serving you salmonella contaminated fish.
My lady, an OR nurse, likes her vodka. She deserves her vodka. She's "normal" and never abuses it. There is always a big bottle around the house. It actually poses no temptation to me. I've never been a spirits drinker. Beer man here.
More importantly, she now knows I have a disease and she's no dummy. She freely admits she doesn't "understand it" and I'm bloody glad she doesn't.
But she accepts it. And she is supportive enough to not tolerate less than full commitment from me. She loves me enough, I think, to know that my drinking would inevitably result in the end of us.
It is not a harsh line in the sand, but it is understood. No threats, no "warnings," it is simply understood that she will take care of herself in this life and being joined to an active drunk is not part of her plan. She cares for patients all day and has no need to come home to one.
Can your man step up to the plate? God, I hope so. If Susan were buying me beer, I'd have to leave the lovely woman.
What is your future? Could be this. My ex wife loved me. An incredibly smart and accomplished woman. But, we had serious issues aside from my drinking. She knew I had problems, that my drinking was causing problems. But, she would buy me VSOP cognac for my birthday! She ended up divorcing me.
Like me, you are lucky (Mom). You still have a lot to lose. Is the recognition of your problem enough? I don't think so. I've been aware for years. It took that 2x4 over the head. You must ACT to examine and change every aspect of your life. And there is no more important aspect than relationships. this man MUST stop feeding you salmonella contaminated thinking if he actually cares about you and your future. If he doesn't, he really doesn't see a future with you anyhow.
Welcome, and peace and serenity.
warrrens
People far wiser than I will, I'm sure, give you sound advice. I'm only in day nine(doing great). Like many, it took a 2x4 over the head (dui) to come to terms with my illness and my brain. Aside from the considerable legal and financial problems it is causing, it (the dui) has been a gift from god.
It took that for me to cease negotiating with myself and put to rest any notion that I was "normal" when it comes to alcohol. What core ripping event will it take for you? It's coming. For sure. Guaranteed.You are tried to the tracks and there's a train a comin'. It might be five miles away, one mile away, but it's there. And it carries no whistle, and it doesn't sound like prince charming is there to save you at the last moment.
OPINION: Your boyfriend needs to become a MANfriend. If he doesn't, you are screwed. By enabling and encouraging you to drink he might as well be serving you salmonella contaminated fish.
My lady, an OR nurse, likes her vodka. She deserves her vodka. She's "normal" and never abuses it. There is always a big bottle around the house. It actually poses no temptation to me. I've never been a spirits drinker. Beer man here.
More importantly, she now knows I have a disease and she's no dummy. She freely admits she doesn't "understand it" and I'm bloody glad she doesn't.
But she accepts it. And she is supportive enough to not tolerate less than full commitment from me. She loves me enough, I think, to know that my drinking would inevitably result in the end of us.
It is not a harsh line in the sand, but it is understood. No threats, no "warnings," it is simply understood that she will take care of herself in this life and being joined to an active drunk is not part of her plan. She cares for patients all day and has no need to come home to one.
Can your man step up to the plate? God, I hope so. If Susan were buying me beer, I'd have to leave the lovely woman.
What is your future? Could be this. My ex wife loved me. An incredibly smart and accomplished woman. But, we had serious issues aside from my drinking. She knew I had problems, that my drinking was causing problems. But, she would buy me VSOP cognac for my birthday! She ended up divorcing me.
Like me, you are lucky (Mom). You still have a lot to lose. Is the recognition of your problem enough? I don't think so. I've been aware for years. It took that 2x4 over the head. You must ACT to examine and change every aspect of your life. And there is no more important aspect than relationships. this man MUST stop feeding you salmonella contaminated thinking if he actually cares about you and your future. If he doesn't, he really doesn't see a future with you anyhow.
Welcome, and peace and serenity.
warrrens
member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,433
Hi TMC, welcome. I was just thinking what jimhere said, maybe wanting to quit everything right away is overstressing you. Black and white, now or never, everything or nothing is typical addict thinking, there are no in-betweens. Maybe you could concentrate on your sobriety for a bit before tackling the cigarettes. Just my humble opinion. Knowing your limitations, being flexible, it's all part of the game.
Matt
Matt
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Originally Posted by timeforchange 
One day at a time. Here I go =)
Best wishes on your journey!! Incidently, I'm on day 70 sober, I still smoke, eat too much junk food...but I feel great and my wife & kids are so much happier
! I'll deal with the smoking & diet thing in the future . While it can be done all at once by some, I'm not one of them (oh well, deal with my biggest problem first). Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: London, ontario
Posts: 12
NO, you do NOT want to drink!
You know that! I'm happy that you know that, and you should be encouraged just by knowing that - it is a huge step just to realize you are not happy, and to move forward from there. I wish you lots of luck.
Also, I agree that not every goal may be attainable all at once. Allow yourself to prioritize your addictions, and resolve them in that priority. Drinking is your number one concern, it seems, so concentrating on just that for awhile may bring you more success. Taking a huge leap is way harder than taking small steps one at a time.
You know that! I'm happy that you know that, and you should be encouraged just by knowing that - it is a huge step just to realize you are not happy, and to move forward from there. I wish you lots of luck.
Also, I agree that not every goal may be attainable all at once. Allow yourself to prioritize your addictions, and resolve them in that priority. Drinking is your number one concern, it seems, so concentrating on just that for awhile may bring you more success. Taking a huge leap is way harder than taking small steps one at a time.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 488
Originally Posted by timeforchange
..there's always a reason to drink, I've come to realize that...work was rough, I need a beer. Friends are coming by, I need a beer. It's Friday, I need a beer. I'm bored, let's have a beer. Why can't I just be sober?
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
glad your here and thank you for sharing where your at. admitting it to others and getting it out in the open is a good first start. you've been given a lot of good advice.
Like others have said, I wouldn't worry about the smoking now. First things first. I was such a nervous wreck when I quit drinking and smokin the refer, I would have been a mess without cigarettes. I'm a little over 9 months sober now and I have an appt this friday to see a dr to seek advice about quitting. I think you'll find that once you stop wrecking your life, and start cleaning up the wreckage of the past, everything will fall into place perfectly.
I can say that today I am all those things you said you wanted to be (except the male version). I am a good friend, a good son, a good boyfriend etc. I am trustworthy and I am honest. I am all of these things because I worked the 12 steps of AA. I would suggest you look into going to a few meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps. They will free you from the guilt that you hold inside.
you will be in my prayers, and good luck
Like others have said, I wouldn't worry about the smoking now. First things first. I was such a nervous wreck when I quit drinking and smokin the refer, I would have been a mess without cigarettes. I'm a little over 9 months sober now and I have an appt this friday to see a dr to seek advice about quitting. I think you'll find that once you stop wrecking your life, and start cleaning up the wreckage of the past, everything will fall into place perfectly.
I can say that today I am all those things you said you wanted to be (except the male version). I am a good friend, a good son, a good boyfriend etc. I am trustworthy and I am honest. I am all of these things because I worked the 12 steps of AA. I would suggest you look into going to a few meetings, get a sponsor, and work the steps. They will free you from the guilt that you hold inside.
you will be in my prayers, and good luck
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 1,622
I hope you will come back to the board Time4. When you do, we will be here waiting for you. Let us know how you are getting on OK?
I found that when I wanted to stop I couldn't. That's how I knew I needed to get help. It was a pretty scary time. We understand that this may be too much for you to do alone.
I found that when I wanted to stop I couldn't. That's how I knew I needed to get help. It was a pretty scary time. We understand that this may be too much for you to do alone.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
