Corum

Hi.

I am new to this and frankly I am not sure whether I am an alcoholic or not. I've been looking at information about "warning signs" and I find that it all very inconsistent. On one hand it is a warning sign if one has ever wanted to have a drink (as opposed to every healthy drinker who obviously forces himself to have the occasional glass of wine over dinner because its simply the done thing). On the other hand the signs are rather extreme, such as being in the gutter. I am not sure what to make of it all.

For one thing, my life is hardly a mess. I am an academic and fairly successful at that. I never miss days of work. In fact I never miss anything because of drink. I don't drink during the day. I am neither an obnoxious nor an angry drunk. No one has sent any signals that they think my drinking is a problem, let alone confronted me with it. I am in a committed long-term relationship that is very intimate and rewarding. I never black out during drinking. I am not scandal prone while drinking. I don't drink just anything to get drunk (in fact I am something of an alcohol snob). In fact, drinking does not appear to be a problem for me.

Still ... I seem to have a bit of a problem with NOT drinking. In fact I drink almost every day and have done for some years now. Once I start drinking I find myself unable to stop (not that I have really tried ... its just after that first drink I am not particularly motivated to stop regardless of my intentions before I poured that first one). So every evening from around dinner time I drink and frankly I feel that there are more productive ways to spend my evenings.

Recently I have committed myself to reduce or even quit drinking. The reason is that I am on medication for depression and drinking undermines the effect of the medication. I thought that this would be easy since on some level I was convinced that my drinking was a way of coping with depression and agitation (a counter-productive way, obviously). As it turned out it wasn't.

I've been wondering for some time whether to start going to meetings. Yet I don't want to overreact. In particular I find it suspicious that I am actually considering doing something about my drinking without having hit bottom in any sense. I gather that real alcoholics tend not to do that.

Last night, however, prompted me to sign up for this board and seek some advice from people who have been there.

Right now I am on a work-trip in a foreign country. I had decided not to drink during that trip. First night I had a couple of beers at the end of the day. Second day (yesterday) I went and bought a bottle of single malt. I told myself I was going to have one drink at the end of each day. Now, I probably don't have to point out that this was already in violation of my commitment not to drink on this trip. What is worse, I didn't stick to my plan to have just one drink at the end of each day as I actually drank the whole bottle.

So, anyone care to comment? What do you make of this? Am I an alcoholic or am I overreacting?

Alive

Welcome Corum.

Thank you for joining us. What i know is that addictions become devastating winds in our lives. It might take time, it works slower but it eventually works it's way around us if we let it. So the fact you're here at this point is very good, it means you have a chance to stop and recover before you fall any deeper.

I am confident you will find that this place is filled with human kind beauty and inner peace sharing.

More people will come to give their thoughts. Stick around Corum

Rowan

Hi Corum,

Welcome to our site Here is a link that has 20 questions to help you determine whether drinking is especially problematic in your life. Only you can decide whether you are an alcoholic. Let us know how you do and keep posting

12 Traditions of Alcoholics

nogard

Hi Corum, welcome to SR, hang around.

Kevin

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, corum. hope you find the support and answers you are looking for here.

hugs, k

tkdan

Hey Corum, welcome to SR. It is up to you to decide whether or not you are alcoholic. If you are, you don't have to wait til you hit bottom to change. Many will tell you they wish they had seen the warning signs sooner. Good for you to suspect that there may be a problem. Keep us posted.

29a

Couple of things to note people who do not have drinking problems, don't wonder if they have drinking problems, it never crosses their minds.

Also, normal drinkers do not try to control/limit there drinking.

That being said there is a difference between being a hard drinker and being an alcoholic.

The questions posted above will be a very accurate indicator.

good luck to you

theonlyway

Hi Corum, no matter what you decide, you will likely find so much support here. This is a wonderful place and we're so gad you're here!

The best advice I can give you to to learn... Read, share, listen... One of he best lines I've heard here is... "People who aren't acoholics never wonder IF they're an alcoholic"... For me, that hit home, but it may not ring true for others?

Learn as much as you can. The experiences, information and support here is invaluable!

Keep coming back!

~C

1963comet

Welcome to SR

Cannot even think of anything to add. The about covered everything.

But want to say Hi.

CarolD

Depression is why I quit drinking
and began AA. By 3 months of sobriety
my situational depression had vanished.

Many people are not aware of the fact
there are different levels of alcoholism.
They think alcoholic
then picture a smelly guy with a pint of Thunderbird.

That is end stage unchecked alcoholism.
That is not you or I....yet.

Please see if this info clarifies my point.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Welcome to SR!

theonlyway

The thread Carol just posted was (excuse the expression) but it was *INTOXICATING* to me in my first days...

I'm not sure if I found it from a post she made, or from GreenTea, or where, but once I started reading it, there was this AH-HA moment that I loved!

I've mentioned... I'm an information Junkie... but the information HAS to MAKE SENSE!!! --and the excerpts here (there) were so *crystal*...

Glad you're here --
~C

Cathy31

Corum, welcome!

Cathy here - alcoholic - for sure, what a relief to know that! I too thought I was overreacting when i first found this board...my advice to you would be to read and read and see if you identify...the fact that you were not able to stick to a simple thing like not drinking on your foreign trip and actually drank to excess - a whole bottle wow - makes me think you are an alcoholic! However, the rule is only you can decide.

What i would do is try and quit for 30 days. if you can do it easily, great. More importantly AFTER the 30 days if you can have 1-3 drinks and abruptly stop (no excuses) even better.

Alcoholism is a 2 fold disease : an allergy of body (once we take the first drink or two a physical allergy kicks in and we have to keep on drinking - however we dress it up, a craving kicks in and we keep on drinking - to excess) secondly it is a mental obsession : that 'this time it will be different' so we are doomed - just as in your case - to pick up that drink again and again and again.

I love AA - it got me sober showed me a whole new way of life and living...as you're asking advice, why don't you try the above as well as check out AA meeetings right now on your foreign trip - you got nothing to lose!

Let us know how you get on!

Cathy31
x

Corum

Hi Everyone and thank for the replies.

I did that test and even if I hadn't experienced any of the more "extreme" symptoms I still managed to score some 7 points. Had I scored 3 or 4 I might have dismissed it but I think its safe to proceed on the assumption that I have a problem.

Cathy31: I am going to take you advice on 30 days of sobriety. If that goes fairly well I will test to see where a drink or two will take me (though I suspect I already know. The fact is that I have managed to do a week or two without alcohol in the past. Then there is a social occasion that involves drinking and that is enough to send me down the slippery slope). Of course, if I find a month of sobriety to be difficult then I will probably skip the experiment and go straight on the working on recovery.

But thank you everyone for the welcome and the support.

theonlyway

Good Luck Corum and stay in touch, ok?? We're all pulling for you!

~C

Kickit

Welcome and good luck.

Anna

That sounds like a good decision Corum and remember, we are here to offer support.

That Dude

Hi Corum,

I know for me, I obsess with trying to figure out if I am an Alcoholic. I asked an "older" man at a meeting about this. He said, " Where theres smoke, theres usually fire." You may not be an alcoholic, but it sounds like you have a desire to stop. The only requirment for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. You don't even have to be an alcoholic to go to meetings. The big book of AA also states that,"Alcohol is only a symptom of my disease." I know for me that there are many underlying reasons why I drink. My sponsor and my fellows in AA aid along in this spiritual journey of self-disovery in my life. I myself didn't drink everday, I usually didn't drink in day-time at all. I just knew that when I started I wasn't going to stop until I passed out. One drink is too many and a thousand is never enough. There is some much more to life than drinking, I think of all the money and time I have wasted with alcohol. When I say a bottom, it doesn't have to meen the streets, jail, divorce, or being bankrupt. A bottom is just somewhere that I could never see my self going. Alcoholics are all different and all the same. We may be at different computers, but we are all at the same website.

Thanks,
Dude

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Corum, I had a sneaking suspicion how you would score on that test just by the simple fact you sought out a board like this. Non-alcoholics do not get on the internet seeking advice on alcoholism unless it is for a freind or family memeber.

You have recieved some excellent advise, I will throw in my 2 cents worth if you don't mind.

What ever you decide to do or not do keep an open mind dismissing nothing without investigation first.

Second do some research on alcoholism, one of the things you will learn is that as long as an alcoholic drinks the disease always gets worse and never better. Another thing is that an alcoholic can go 10 years without a single drink and if they start drinking again with in a week usually they are right back where they left off or worse, some of us even try to make up for lost time!

I can attest to alcoholism being progressive, I drank for 40 years, every year I drank more then I had before and the need/usrge to drink drew stronger. At about the 30 year mark I was starting to see that I had a problem and spent the next 5 years trying to either moderate or quit and always wound up drinking more then I ever did. The last 5 years of my drinking were not by choice, I had to drink, if I did not drink I would start to get physically ill.

Every ones bottom is different, there is no need to take the elevator all the way to the ground floor before quitting, as a matter of fact the quicker some one decides they are sick and tired of being sick and tired the easier it is to quit drinking and stay stopped.

warrens

Corum

I sent you a private message. I felt I lacked the experience and wisdom to say what I said publicly. Basically, your original post scared the bejeezus out of me because I saw so much of myself in it.

Others may disagree, but to me, naming it isn't nearly as important as recognizing it. It sounds as if perhaps you have.

You said you are an academic. What that means specifically, I don't know. But I do know that alcohol and people with advanced degrees seem to travel in the same circles. It may be vintage wine or single malt, but the occasions always seem to be there. Please beware of the "ritual." It is my greatest weakness rather than the alcohol itself.

I am very interested in how you will do in the following 30 days. Interested in a very compassionate and empathetic way. I hope you will continue to keep your thread alive.

During those 30 days, it might be wise to keep a little written "checklist." One that simply tallies the # of times/day, hour, etc, that you are conscious of or "think" about what you are doing. You may be very successful in your "trial," but you may be surprised (or not) at your tally.

I'm at the point where I MUST call myself an alcoholic. No more parsing of terminology or APA definition. It doesn't matter that I couldn't drink a bottle of single malt in two days, or down more than twelve beers in a day.

It took a 2x4 (dui) to stop me in my tracks. As the fog lifts, boy do I see a different man than I thought. A couple of weeks ago I would have hotly debated that I possessed even a modicum of self pity. I now see I was drowning in it. I might suggest that if it takes a bottle of anything to satisfy, you are medicating something. And that bottle, paradoxically, will prevent you from grasping just what that is. A medicine for all seasons, all reasons. It even outsells big pharma.

Go very perceptively and gently into the goodnight. After 3-4 days "check in" with yourself" instead of burying yourself in your work. Has anything changed? This is only my fifth day without and boy, do I see a different me.

As an academic, you might be like me and find that daily writing helps lift the fog and clarify some stuff. Some journal. But, to me, that is like howling at the moon. It feels great! But I need perception checks apparently to avoid what is called "stinking thinking." My drinking, thus thinking was pretty narcisstic. In the few days I've been on this site I've gained more than a few insights.

Enjoy your "time off!"

warrens

Tazman53

Warrens one thing I quickly learned in AA is that alcoholism is a very non-dicrimnatory disease, class, race, faith or lack of, gender nor age exclude anyone.

We have a 15 year old in my area in the rooms, just picked up 6 months, we have lawyers, a judge, a retired minister, business owners, teachers, nurses, the head of a teaching institution, men and women, straight and gay, people in their late 80's. Alcoholism has no respect for anyone in any station in life.

We all have a common denominator and a common solution which we share with each other, there is a love in the rooms I have found no where else in my 54 years on this earth, we love and care for each other.... warts and all. No where else will you find a man that 2 years ago was living on the streets helping another man who is an elected official.