unigirl

Hi all, im nearly 13 days sober - i've got up to 2 months before in A.A. but relapsed. Now im back again (after around 6 weeks of drinking- which was - as promised, worse than before) and i do feel i've accepted that i am an alcoholic more- though not fully.

Iive got a sponser in A.A and starting the 12 steps tommrow- doing my 1 st - admitting i am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanagebale. I can do this without hesitation now. However i still get overhwelming desires to drink. I am 20 years old and at uni- a lot of mates drink so talking with them can be a trigger. Also hearing certain songs, memories of the good time i drank (not many lol....) trigger my desire to have a drink. The thing is i never want to drink again forever. Just have the desire to have one last night out and get wasted. I think its the need for escapism too. I know this is very common, but just wanted to know what others do/have done if this has occured with them?

I do ring my sponser sometimes- but others times i dont- some days id be ringing her several times and she is a busy woman. I also pray which does help. I also feel much better after meetings.However i am so sick of getting these feelings. I feel it really hinders my recovery and im scared one day ill go and act upon my thoughts and actually drink. Which i never want to do again - (most of the time). After these thoughts and the desire to drink again subside i look back and think 'what the hell was i thinking?!'. Any suggestions would be welcome, thanks.

Anna

Good for you with 13 sober days!

And, it's also great to recognize that triggers are a potential problem. One thing I would say is that staying sober is really hard and you need to really want to do it. For me, I used to drink at home, alone, so I had to change that. Changing routines and patterns in my life really helped and getting rid of some of the toxic people in my life helped a lot too. By taking that step, I found that new and wonderful people were coming into my life. I avoided triggers as much as possible and never kept alcohol in the house and still don't.

I was always looking for the escapism thing too. Try saying the Serenity Prayer to yourself and really letting the words sink in. When I 'got it' that I didn't have to be everything to everybody, I could let go and let life happen.

29a

Hey uni, your not alone. When I first got sober, some thing would set me down the craving path and it was like I could feel a physical hunger for booze. Certain images, places, smells would just make me nuts.
The steps are what removed those cravings for me. And I saw you are starting tomorrow. Congratulations.
You also mentioned calling the sponse and praying. Both of which are good. Have you tried calling other AA's particularly those with less time than you? It may really help. I had a hard time doing this for a long time, like I was bothering them with my problems. Then I realized it worked even better if it wasn't about me. You don't have to tell them your having cravings when you call. Just ask how their day is going. Maybe you can help them.
Something else I've heard is think about your last drunk, not your first drink. Meaning when you do get those cravings, try not to romantacize (splling?) booze, think about the pain it has caused, think about what happens when you drink. ie don't think about that great party where you had a lot of fun.
But like i said, it goes away with the steps. If your goin thru hell, keep goin. You'll be through before you know it.

bugsworth

unigirl...congrats on 13 days...by now the cravings are all mental.

You are not powerless over your cravings...they are hollow...they have no real hold over you...dismiss them...not as easy as it sounds but the reality is that is what you have to do one craving at a time. As time passes they are less intense and less frequent.

I agree with Anna, change is so important...it is a must. You can do this...remain strong and focused!

little-el

I just wanted to say that recognizing your addiction, in the midst of the "normal" drinking that goes on in college (funny how apt we are to qualify alcoholic binges when in the "proper" context), is really important. It can be hard, but also recognize the harm that many of these so-called "normal" drinkers are doing to themselves, and the harm that you, especially as an alcoholic, would do to yourself if you joined in.

Hang in there: 13 days is great! And congrats on starting to take on the first step!

unigirl

Thanks everyone. I really apreciate all your comments. I am glad i am not alone in these feelings. Thanku for all your positivity too- it help curb my negativity lol! Its very encouraging to know this will pass if i keep working hard.

unigirl

im actually nearly 3 weeks sober- not 13 days- lol- when i looked on my calender i only counted down from 28th jan (first sober day) to 11th jan (which was my two weeks sober) - not the 18th which is tommorow and is my 3rd week sober(it was a loooooong day yday lol) - sorry i know its not that important but just wanted to clear that up so it doesnt cause any confusion if i write any other threads!

nogard

Welcome to SR

Yep as Anna says change routines as your changing your whole life. Sponsors can't alwasy asnwer teh phone they have lives. Talking to my HP helps me a lot. I often find teh replies come from other people so be with other members and if you cant get numbers and phone people.

Kevin