how do people .....
 

how do people "drink socially"? i mean, is that a concept i never quite got and now i have to kiss it goodbye? theres a softball party on Saturday and i cant get out of it . ( i JUST moved to this city , in with my brother and hes determined i have a social life and not just drink alone while playing ds and watching the office. great show btw) i have no way of passing on it. i mean, i really do need friends here in Odessa and if i cant make friends with people who drink while im 26 ......wtf am i going to do in ten...twenty..thirty years??? people drink. i just ...cant. how do i do this? is social drinking something i can still do? i don't really know how. (i know ive been sober for 24 hours and at this point it doesn't really matter what i do Saturday ..but for future reference....)

please don't laugh. i look at my future and see a ton of social situations where people are drinking and .... how do i not drink without looking like "that guy"?? its not so much about looking like that guy as its about the ton of situations ahead of me. any advice? i hope yall at least understand my complaint here. thanks for putting up with me since ive joined. i like it here, and youll probably have to ban me to get rid of me :jail

I have found ...Gasp! ...drinking is not mandatory for fun.
If my drinking had been so full of joy
I would not have quit.

When I was a drinker...so were all my friends.
Now that I don't drink...99% of my friends are sober folks.

I found friends in AA that share my lifestyle and goals.
We dance...we go to movies...we play sports...we do
whatever interests us. We have a blast!

This can be true for you too....keep moving forward.
:hug:

I do understand that you are genuinely perplexed about this situation, and I used to feel the same way. I just couldn't conceive of a social life that didn't include drinking.
Thankfully, that has changed. Like Carol, I am involved in AA and have many sober friends who I enjoy activities with. Hang in there and keep posting.

I'm glad you posted this because it's currently the thing that's making me most mad. I feel so envious of those people who can just have a couple of drinks. Last night, I went out to dinner and I saw this glass of wine coming toward my table and I felt this huge sense of relief before I realized it wasn't for me. When the server sat it down at this other table, I just thought, "Wow. To have a glass of wine with dinner. A GLASS, ONE GLASS of wine."

I am in academia and my partner's in film and, in our social circle, no socializing is complete without booze. (I went to my sister's bridal shower last month in another town and was SHOCKED that there wasn't alcohol, though it was probably a good thing.) I, too, am trying to figure out what to do and say starting tomorrow night when the drinks come out. (I haven't socialized this whole week just to get a good start on sobriety.) I don't want to drink and I won't: I don't want to be sloppy drunk and there's no in between for me, I've tried. But, yes, I feel you on the mystification and envy at these people.

You and I both need to start collecting sober friends. I've realized I don't have a single friend, not one, that I don't get drunk with.

Anyway, hang in there! I know we both can keep plugging.

Amazing, how, we're all in this thing together! I am fortunate enough that my manthing doesn't drink often. I am betting, that until/if I can deal with this, he won't have a beer anywhere near me!

I worry about social situations, but I can always be "that girl" and just use the excuse that I have to drive. It always worked before this monster got a hold of me...Ironic how I used to be the responsible one. Guess it is time to get back there again.

We can do this!

I hear yall.....oh boy do I hear yall.

I'm in my own little cocoon until I feel strong enough (who knows, I may never be) to resist the urge to partake when those around me are.

No words of wisdom, just sayin I know where you are coming from.

If I want to, I can have one alcoholic drink over a social evening.

However most of the time I chose not to. I just seem to have a better time when I'm not drinking.

You know what? Nobody cares either way.

~SK

My biggest fear when I knew I had to quit drinking was "If I am not drinking what will I do?" Everything I did involved ME drinking!

I felt just like you, once I quit I made an important discovery, unless it was a beer bash or a cocktail hour there are a lot of folks that do not drink!!!!

What I found out was that I never noticed people who were not drinking because the only thing I was really concerned about was MY drinking!

I discovered that the line for sodas at a football game was longer then the line for beer, I noticed that most people drink hot chocolate and coffee at a game when it is cold, not beer!!!

I also found out that if someone offered me a drink and I said no thanks, they said nothing, they did not get on the PA system and say "Hey look, Martin is not drinking!"

I have also discovered that most people at a wedding reception never go to the open bar to get a drink. Now the only way I made that discovery was by not going to the bar and getting a drink! When I went to the bar to get a drink the only people I saw were people drinking.

Here is another amazing discovery I have made since I quit drinking, I can still do everything I used to do while I was drinking with one major difference...... I do them better sober! I have also found there are a ton of new fun things I can do now sober that I could not do while drinking!!!

So many with sobriety under their belts tell us 'don't think about the next day or the 'what if's''. But I too dwell on future social events. My hubby and I have a cottage up north and we are surrounded by other cottagers who we've made friends with. We all get together go to the beach, boating, or sit around the fire, and guess what, someone ALWAYS has a drink in hand. I've ALWAYS had a drink in hand. I have been thinking 'how the hell am I going to do this, how am I going to be there with all that drinking and not have one?' I have a family birthday party to go to this weekend, I love getting together with all our family, we're all friends and we all drink a lot together, play board games and have a LOT of laughs. Again, 'how the hell am I going to go to this party with my friends and family all over me with a drink in their hands?'

Bottom line.......I have two options to pick from:

1- I drink and become a sloppy big mouth drunk who makes an ass out of myself, get sick the next day and not remember a thing.

or

2- I tough it out and get to leave the party with self-respect and the respect of others, go home and go to bed sober and remember everything the next day with a warm smile on my face.

That's the bottom line. Simple, I just have to pick one. Which one do you think I choose?

thanks for your replies. its nice to at least be understood. and ya know...its true. i NEVER notice people not drinking unless they're being all "oh. (fake laugh) i don't drink" (smug look) other than that...it really is all about me worrying about my own drinking.

ive been doing pretty good though. i haven't had a drink at all since Monday (i know i know. but baby steps! all about the baby steps!!) i have a party tomorrow that is a stupid beer bash thing. im going to try to play it cool. my brother said he just lies and says "oh i just opened this one. didn't you see? " or "uh ive BEEN drinking" and no one ever notices hes still sipping his first beer after five hours. i don't know if it'll work, or even that its a healthy strategy but at least im kind of excited about this "social experiment" hehe. :bounce

When I stopped drinking, most of the people in my social circles didn't even notice. They were too drunk. Those that did notice were for the most part relieved. They knew they wouldn't be breaking up a fight, running out of Irish whiskey, or cleaning up the bathroom.

If you're new in Texas and they question why you aren't drinking, just tell them to shut up and mind their own business. They like that in Texas. JUST KIDDING! I'm feeling a little weird this morning.

Not to make light of this - when I first stopped i was worried, too. Try going, let people know. Heck, tell everyone you take your softball really serious and you're in training. Just don't drink. That's the real thing to worry about.
Mike

blitz nobody really gives a crap if that guy/gal has a drink or not... and the ones that do...

might be post'n on this board someday...

situations ahead!...

one can stil put a lampshade on ones head without a drink!

ya might find your hanging with a new crowd...

good wishes blitz...

rz

Glad this was bumped....been invited to a party this weekend by my best friend (who doesn't know I'm on the wagon yet) On the fence about going or not. There will be drinkers and non-drinkers. I won't go if I'm not strong enough to be one of the non drinkers, but part of me says go anyway.

I still have time to make that decision, but leaning towards making an excuse as to why I wouldn't be able to go.:grumble:

just tell folks that there is not enough alcohol present to quench your thirst.

LOL, don't dwell on tomorrow, today. Deal with tomorrow when it is today.

You will be fine. I have noticed, if I have a DIFFERENT drink in my hand at all times, I don't feel the need for the beer so much. I just keep sipping, and it really helps. My drink of choice is gatorade, and I carry a 32oz jug of that around with me.

I don't get out much, but I think if I have to, I will just say, I got really dehydrated, and the gatorade is what I need for now. It isn't a lie. And it is socially acceptable, at least until I can deal in different ways with not drinking in a social situation!