wjw1970

I have been a heavy drinker for about 10 years. The past year, I have needed to have liqour every day. It's starting to catch up with me as far as my relationships and responsibilites.

I've been lurking here about a week, a link to this site was posted on another MB I frequent, and I am glad I clicked on it, due to my drinking getting out of hand and running my life.

I have an appointment for this Wednesday with an doc who specializes in alcohol dependancy. I will keep it, for if I don't get help, I will lose my marriage, family, friends, and everything I value in my life.

Today I will not drink. Today. I. will. not. drink. I have had one foot in the grave for years now, and I am ready to get both feet on the ground and get back to real life, and get out of this alcohol haze.

Thanks to all who have shared here......your similar experiences have helped me to reach out for help.

Thanks for reading.

tay-lyn

Wow! What courage it takes to do what you're doing! Making a start is sooooo hard. But it's a start. Welcome.....you'll find lots of help and support here so stick around.
Hang in there today, you can do it.

wjw1970

Thanks for the welcome tay-lyn!

The drinking has been affecting my family, and I finally realize that I love them more than I love the bottle. Something has to go, so I got rid of the vodka stash and I hope one day it will feel like freedom.

Of course, right here, right now, I'm scared. But it helps to know others have walked in my shoes, and survived! I can do it too

SF69

Welcome wjw1970! Glad you came out lurker mode.

And congrats on Day 1.

wjw1970

Thanks SF!

tay-lyn

WJW:
You said 'walked in your shoes'....well, I'm 'walking' in them. I am only on day 16 myself. I shouldn't say 'only' because everyday of my sobriety has been better than being on the drink. When I am drinking, EVERYTHING in my life is unmanagable. I am out of control. And I hate myself. And for the most part, others don't like me. Etc., etc., I'm sure you know the story.
I know you're scared, I am too. But we both know that inside that bottle is a bottom, a bottom that ONEDAY we are definately going to hit. I have hit bottoms in the past, but they were never enough to make me stay 'stopped'. I always picked up again because my disease told me 'next time...you can control it'. But, inside that bottle is a bottom waiting for me that is going to be so bad, I'll wish with all my might I had stopped before I hit it. I don't want to get there. I want freedom and peace. I want sanity and a little happiness would be nice! A little happiness inside me.....unmasked by the drink.
So ya, we here know what you're going through because we're all going through it. Even the ones around here that have lots of sobriety can relate the way I can. PLUS they are encouraging in that they are proof that we can be successful in sobriety!

reed

wjw--- now is the best time to stop, don't wait until you lose everything you care about. I, too, had to rid my vodka stash for fear that I would one day be found lying alone among the empties. When I look back on it, it's really hard to believe how bad I was sucked in. Alcohol took control of everything, I was living for a liquid that cared nothing for me or my friends and family. It really was sad. There is hope and a better life in sobriety. Best wishes to you.

wjw1970

I am ready to get the control back. You are right, my fifth of v sure isn't looking out for my best interests

scarly-J

good for you !!!! Keep us posted!!! You can do this!!

tay-lyn

If nothing else, this surely proves to me I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol........I love it..........it hates me:

If anyone in my life hurt me, made me sick (deathly sick for days), broke my bones, gave me stitches, embarrased and humilated me, got me fired, broke up my relationships, drained my bank accounts, isolated me from my friends/family......if anyone in my life did those things to me, I'd tell them to take a hike so quickly! BUT alcohol does all those things to me, and again and again, I defend it and go back for more. Now that is a love/hate relationship. And I'm always on the losing end.

My Mark

Is it stealing if I pin this to my bathroom mirror???!!! Dang that makes sense....

wjw1970

Thanks scarly!

Tay-lyn, I agree with MM......your wisdom will be copied into my journal with you getting credit for words I NEED to see everyday!

Right now, it would be my first drink of the day. Kids are home, no more errands to run. Instead of pouring my drink, I'm online with people who are helping me find courage NOT to drink.

Thanks to all for listening and supporting!

Jomey

Welcome WJW! Glad you are joining us - sounds like you have a great plan for going forward! Congrats on the decision to stop drinking! Stick around!

29a

That's why it has worked for me, because I don't have to do it alone.

Congrats, and way to go with the dr appointment, detox can get hairy.

Keep comin back my friend, and good luck!

Dee74

welcome wjw

D

wjw1970

Thanks for the welcome 29a (I see you and I share living in NC in common) and Dee.

DH got to come home to a sober DW tonight....I think he's in shock! LOL!

29a

No problem, I didn't even notice that. I've heard really, really good things about AA in raleigh if you should decide it's right for you.

StandFast

welcome wjw!
Hang in there.

Day 21 here!

Right on tylan!
I have stayed busy and reflected on my relationship with booze.
Of course, looking back at it now, I was fooled.

I pray everyday and mediate. And for every day sober I am really gratefull. I can't believe how good it feels not to have a hangover and not have to lose myself for nothing. Correction: to PAY BIG to lose me.

You don't want to be having this discussion 20 years from now,,,,,do you?

Missymae737

Welcome to SR...

You can do this!!!

wjw1970

You don't want to be having this discussion 20 years from now,,,,,do you?


Right on! I didn't think 10 years ago, I would be drinking 10 shots a night, but it slowly progessed into that. Thanks for the welcome standfast and missymae.

29, there is a place about a mile from me that has meetings. I need to look into schedules and try to arrange kiddie care to be able to go.

Well, I have been on the site all day, and this is my first night without drinking so being here has been a great help to me......

Next time I post, I won't be fighting a hangover