capergirl770

So I was sober for 16 days..that was it..started drinking again last month, and once again..embarressed myself.See I lost a baby in May, stillborn..I wasnt with the father, and he wasnt there for me..Then I hooked up with a guy right after that who cheated on me, I took him back and he did it again..So I am full of bitterness and anger..I dont drink as much as I did but when I do, I do crazy stupid things..Last night I called up the babies father, out of the blue and demanded he come over and talk to me..He did, only cuz he has a girlfriend and doesnt want me to tell..So here I am again..ALone, in pain and sober...

Change4life

you had 16 days in and thats a good start. Ive been on like a million day ones, but the only thing we can do is keep working on it.

Drinking to hide the pain doesnt make it go away it just helps stuff the feelings deeper, which actually makes the healing process impossible.

We have to feel whatever it is, work through it an move on. By drinking were just gonna stay stuck suffering day after day with no loght at the end of the tunnel.

keep your head up it will get better!

Welcome back!!!!!

Change4life

I reread your thread and just wanted to let you know how sorry I am to hear about your loss.

I know it hurts I was there once years ago. Started drinking and drugging like crazy, but it doesnt make the pain go away. better to feel it and try to heal rather than letting the pain linger. The more we drink the longer we hold everything in, it just doesnt help.

In reponse to your reply on my thread.....

Maybe we can help each other. I have myself on lock down and will be on and off the computer probably all day if you want to chat.

capergirl770

Hi thanks for your response..I think the worst thing to do it drink when you are grieving..I just want to be a better person..I want to feel happy again, I want to be proud of me..I have alot of good in my life. I am in the Military, (canadian) and make a great living..I have all kinds of cool things..I have two wonderful best friends..Great parents..I am a pretty attractive, fit woman at 30..I dont know how I stay that way since I am not good to myself..I'm not tryin to go on and on, but I am trying to be thankful for the good so typing is helping..I want to be free from the bitterness and anger...
I also have this huge problem with rejection..I know everyone finds it hard, but I can't seem to handle it like an adult.. I act like a child, kicking and screaming when someone doesnt want me..THen I drink, and do stupid things which just lowers my already low self esteem.
Have you read the book the secret and if so what is your take on it?

Rowan

Hi Campergirl,

Welcome back. I have not read The Secret, but I watched the DVD and I liked it.

AA and this website are the main tools I have used to get sober and to stay that way a day at a time. I can identify with the kicking and screaming when someone doesn't want you - I had a very difficult time with rejection, and especially so while under the influence. Getting sober has helped free me from that behaviour, as has an honest look at my past.
It sounds like you have a lot going for you - I hope you begin your recovery in earnest, and that you keep reading and posting here.

Missymae737

Hi,

Please forgive yourself and try again...Early sobriety is most challenging but not impossible.

You can do this and when you do get sober good things will happen in your life.

Thinking of you...

29a

That could have came from my mouth 2 years ago.

And that's the thing. We're two different people, different genders, from different countries and yet alcohol has had the same effect on us, it has taken away our self respect.

I'm living proof that you can get it back. Just don't give up.

For me it was AA, if that's not your thing, there are other options. Find what works for you and stick with it.

You can have all those things and more.