Now the real work begins...I guess
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 213
Now the real work begins...I guess
Hey All- Its Tuesday...Day 27 for me. Hard to believe it'll be 4 weeks tomorrow. After that a whole month is on the horizon. What i'm struggling with today is what always happens to me...and I need to do something different about it or I'll get the same results I've always gotten...so I'm putting it out there...both here and in mtgs. I really have a hard toime with anxiety. Every little ache and pain is cancer...every headache a tumor..every stomach ache ...cirrhosis. Every day at work is the day I get fired...Every argument with my wife a divorce and on and on and on. Can anyone relate to this ceaseless catastrophizing and paranoid gloominess? Or am I just really a complete nut? Its like theres this internal negativity that never really goes away....and eventually leads back to the bottle. I mean, rationally, I know 98% of what I worry about never happens...I know this. Yet I can't stop stressing...panic attacks, headaches...psychosomatic symptoms...the whole thing..it sucks. Its like a separate entity in my head. I'm on meds..but they only work to a point. I need advice on how to come to terms with this...I need help. I'm not suicidal or anything like that but at times I just wish it would stop...this s*** is relentless. I am a very successful guy...I have a lot...I work hard...I've regained much I lost in my active addiction...the future is bright...yet it means nothing to me. I'm constantly afraid and sad...what's wrong with me?
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Rob 
there is nothing wrong with you...just my little codie two cents....IMHO I know that when I was able to start feeling feelings....it was very raw to me-I felt as if I did not deserve certain things in my life-with recovery, meetings, great people in my life such as SR! I have learned that I do deserve a lot in life-it takes time and it is still taking time for me....it get's better as long as we continue to do the work! I was not an addict to drugs or alcohol however living around it ...growing up with it I found everything to be chaos and thought that was the way life was to be lead-when things started to become clear ..it was as I said RAW...it does get easier-
Very proud of you for your MONTH! Keep up the great work!
I always remember this ...Progress not perfection!
there is nothing wrong with you...just my little codie two cents....IMHO I know that when I was able to start feeling feelings....it was very raw to me-I felt as if I did not deserve certain things in my life-with recovery, meetings, great people in my life such as SR! I have learned that I do deserve a lot in life-it takes time and it is still taking time for me....it get's better as long as we continue to do the work! I was not an addict to drugs or alcohol however living around it ...growing up with it I found everything to be chaos and thought that was the way life was to be lead-when things started to become clear ..it was as I said RAW...it does get easier- Very proud of you for your MONTH! Keep up the great work! I always remember this ...Progress not perfection!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Oh Rob, I sure can relate. Everything in my life, I saw as a catastrophe. The glass was always half empty. Don't kid yourself, getting sober is hard work and it brings up a lot of stuff that we numbed through alcohol and drugs. So just because you've got 27 days of sobriety (awesome job, by the way) doesn't mean that things are going to be suddenly terrific. You're right, it's time to do the work. Are you working with a sponsor? I strongly suggest you get one and/or talk to one and share this stuff, and get to work on the steps. If you can use a guided meditation or some soothing music for a few minutes, a few times a day, and focus on 'downregulating' - you may find it helpful. Take the time to breathe, and tell yourself that how you are feeling will pass.
Most important, keep sharing this stuff. It helps us all. Hang in there Rob
Most important, keep sharing this stuff. It helps us all. Hang in there Rob
Bring Laughter Wherever You Go
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 357
I know what you mean Rob, it's like I always live inside fear.....only when I'm drinking do I say F*** all that, everything is fine. But then when I'm sober again, I'm left with the fear, and it always compiles. Maybe our guilt can't handle the pain of initial sobriety, so our guilt creates a way for us to look away from it, and maybe it does that through anxiety, anxiety that keeps our attention on the 'what if's' instead of the 'what is'. Because we all know the quilt of the 'what is' can be too painful to deal with.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
First things first, congrats on the 27 days sober, that is something to be proud of.
I had the same things going on in early sobriety, and still do on occasion, the biggest help for me was and still is to get it out there, don't let it spin around in my head, the longer I keep it in my head the bigger it gets!!!
By simply getting it out it immediately seems to be a bit better, especially when I either spoke to someone about it face to face or on the phone or here. Part of what helps is the fact that what is going on is not unusual, we are not alone.
I can tell you that with me I did worry about everything, mole hills became mountains, then I would talk to my sponsor or some one else in the fellowship and they would tell me they felt the same way and all of those horrible things never happened!
Think about it, how many times have you argued with your wife? How many times has she divorced you?
How many times have you been diagnosed with cancer?
How many times has the worst thing possible happen that you could imagine?
What has helped me the most was working the steps with my sponsor, this has given me the ability to calmly take a honest look at something and determine if there is something I can do about it? If there is then I do it rather then worry about it. If there is nothing I can do about it, then I simply accept it and turn it over to the universe because there is nothing to be gained by worrying about it.
The program is a program of action, with everything we come up against there are 2 courses of action to be taken, one is to do something about the problem if we can, the other is to simply take the action of accepting the fact that it is out of my hands and turn it over to the powers that be and not worry about what I can not change.
I had the same things going on in early sobriety, and still do on occasion, the biggest help for me was and still is to get it out there, don't let it spin around in my head, the longer I keep it in my head the bigger it gets!!!
By simply getting it out it immediately seems to be a bit better, especially when I either spoke to someone about it face to face or on the phone or here. Part of what helps is the fact that what is going on is not unusual, we are not alone.
I can tell you that with me I did worry about everything, mole hills became mountains, then I would talk to my sponsor or some one else in the fellowship and they would tell me they felt the same way and all of those horrible things never happened!
Think about it, how many times have you argued with your wife? How many times has she divorced you?
How many times have you been diagnosed with cancer?
How many times has the worst thing possible happen that you could imagine?
What has helped me the most was working the steps with my sponsor, this has given me the ability to calmly take a honest look at something and determine if there is something I can do about it? If there is then I do it rather then worry about it. If there is nothing I can do about it, then I simply accept it and turn it over to the universe because there is nothing to be gained by worrying about it.
The program is a program of action, with everything we come up against there are 2 courses of action to be taken, one is to do something about the problem if we can, the other is to simply take the action of accepting the fact that it is out of my hands and turn it over to the powers that be and not worry about what I can not change.
Silly Rabbit
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 956
a few things that work for me-
i tell myself that probably everything will be okay. probably things are going to be just fine, and if they're not, then i'll deal with it, but since i don't know whether they're going to be okay or not, there's no point in worrying about it. might as well just keep my chin up, and see what happens.
i have a lot of faith, and i fully believe that the big guy's got me all the time, no matter what. because of this, i know in my heart that nothing that happens today is going to be so big that i won't be able to manage it with him. on the flip side, if something reall bad does happen, then that's him showing enough faith in me to know that i'll deal with it and be okay.
the worst thing that can happen is that i die. everybody's gonna die. so really, the worst is inevitable eventually, and i have no control over it. NO control over it. so why am i wasting my time trying to do something i can't? that's like trying to play tennis with a baseball bat-it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't work, AND it's not fun at all!
gratitude lists help me a lot.
prayer helps me a lot.
being with folks that make me laugh, comedies, and reading good books helps a lot.
being emotionally sober helps a LOT-this includes, but is not limited to, taking care of my mind/body/spirit and being responsible for my actions and my reactions.
so maybe this will help you, i don't know. i hope it does.
oh yeah, the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. check-a-check it out.
i tell myself that probably everything will be okay. probably things are going to be just fine, and if they're not, then i'll deal with it, but since i don't know whether they're going to be okay or not, there's no point in worrying about it. might as well just keep my chin up, and see what happens.
i have a lot of faith, and i fully believe that the big guy's got me all the time, no matter what. because of this, i know in my heart that nothing that happens today is going to be so big that i won't be able to manage it with him. on the flip side, if something reall bad does happen, then that's him showing enough faith in me to know that i'll deal with it and be okay.
the worst thing that can happen is that i die. everybody's gonna die. so really, the worst is inevitable eventually, and i have no control over it. NO control over it. so why am i wasting my time trying to do something i can't? that's like trying to play tennis with a baseball bat-it doesn't make sense, and it doesn't work, AND it's not fun at all!
gratitude lists help me a lot.
prayer helps me a lot.
being with folks that make me laugh, comedies, and reading good books helps a lot.
being emotionally sober helps a LOT-this includes, but is not limited to, taking care of my mind/body/spirit and being responsible for my actions and my reactions.
so maybe this will help you, i don't know. i hope it does.
oh yeah, the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. check-a-check it out.
God is my benzo
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Charlotte, nc
Posts: 198
Dude, your right where you're supposed to be. I went through the same thing at that point in my sobriety. Crazy emotional rollercoaster from angry to sad to crazy happy like I was shifting gears in a car. Irrational fear, sense of impeding calamity. All that fun stuff. Guess what. It never gets better.
Just kidding. At 27 days your body chemistry is still completely whacked. Your still under the haze. Emotions you used to suppress are finally being excersized.
My girlfriend always says If your goin through hell, keep goin. You will balance out, your highs will get lower and your lows will get higher till your livin life on a somewhat even plane.
Keep it up man, it gets easier. It's a hard path to easy livin.
Just kidding. At 27 days your body chemistry is still completely whacked. Your still under the haze. Emotions you used to suppress are finally being excersized.
My girlfriend always says If your goin through hell, keep goin. You will balance out, your highs will get lower and your lows will get higher till your livin life on a somewhat even plane.
Keep it up man, it gets easier. It's a hard path to easy livin.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Rob, I definitely relate to what you're saying.
For me, in early recovery, I began to recognize that I was trying to control things in my life, that were outside of my control. I began to learn that I had to 'let go'. Believe me, I didn't like that idea. It was very scary. But, the truth is, there is very little in our lives that we can control, except ourselves and how we react to things that happen.
For me, in early recovery, I began to recognize that I was trying to control things in my life, that were outside of my control. I began to learn that I had to 'let go'. Believe me, I didn't like that idea. It was very scary. But, the truth is, there is very little in our lives that we can control, except ourselves and how we react to things that happen.
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