tay-lyn

Can't believe I have eight days. Longest I've been sober since I started drinking again.
Something is different this time. Each time before (there's been a bazillion) I wanted to quit but didn't. I wanted the insanity from my drinking to quit, but I didn't want to quit drinking. This time I feel as though I don't want a drink at all for many, many reasons. This time around, I've been focusing on recovering as opposed to just quitting. Looking at all the reasons why I pick up, what I'm running to or from, etc., etc..
I know I still have to be extremely careful because I've had long boughts of sobriety and yet I always ended up picking up. The last time I had 9 months and picked up because I was so tired of 'trying' to stay quit. I wasn't recoverying during those 9 months, I was just dry.
I know I will have to be extremely careful every day of the rest of my life. Alcoholism is rampant in my family and I know it takes work each day to stay sober. So even though I feel as though I may be 'getting it' this time, I know I still have to stay cautious and never stop working on my recovery.
I have just started to work on my recovery and feel as though I am at the bottom of the mountain looking up.....but at least I'm looking up.

Rowan

Fantastic, Tam.

Anna

Hi Tay-lyn,

You know I think we're all on this journey together. We're at different places on the road and that's okay. We're moving forward. And, I do think stopping drinking and recovering are two different things and it's great that you see it that way. It sounds like you're doing great.

Alive

I actually see recovery as the blessing from a problem. And the learning is so great, that the problem becomes a blessing for the future results it can produce.

I'm proud of you Tay-Lyn...You inspire me

lostmdboy

Have you consider getting in to a recovery program. I am glad you are feeling good, but it hard to stay sober by your self.

gravity

Hi tay-lyn,

Wow! Can I ever identify with your post. This is exactly my perspective. I really believe that it is so important to focus on recovering, everyday. I don't find this to be daunting or a negative exercise as I don't always have to "scare" myself into staying sober (eg. recalling my drinking history & the fallout). There are mostly positives to recovery - the underlying sense of peace & happiness is a big one. Like you, it took me a "few" trial runs of just "quitting" to get it through my head that it is about so much more than not drinking. You sound great!

Jomey

Wow! What a great post! I am really happy for you....recovery, with the sense of peace and happiness that Gravity mentioned, is such a great place to be...glad you are here walking with us all in our recovery journey!

tay-lyn

Hey Gravity; You bring up a great point.....what we focus on to stay sober......in the past...to stay sober....I always reminded myself of my terrible, awful past drunks.....the humilitation, the hurt, the cost. At the end of my sobriety, before I picked up, I was so sick of focusing on the negative, always remembering how terrible I was....it got old and I was exhausted from constantly feeling bad about myself that I turned to the bottle to help me forget.....viciuos circle. I am hoping that focusing on healthy things will be more positive.

gravity

Hey tay-lyn,

Youre reading my mind ! It's good to remember where I came from & learn from it but I'm done with beating myself up to motivate myself to stay sober. This is a such a major, positive change in life - that's motivation enough for me.

tay-lyn

Reading everyones's posts and hearing how y'all have been and are going through the same thing is SO very encouraging. The fact that you take the time to respond to my post means an awful lot to me. Reading your posts has made me do so much thinking about recovery. I love being able to blog, I have always wanted to/needed to keep a journal, but am such a computer person, that I never seem to sit down with pen to paper anymore. So blogging is my new way to journal.....just thought I'd post my 'journal entry' for today..............

'Remembering AND Recovery'
I was looking back at one of my posts....I Need To Remember....and thinking about Remembering vs Recovery. I thought, 'remembering isn't what I need to do, recovery is what I need'. Then, in thinking about recovery, I feel a little more in control and focused and happier.....but without the remembering.....simply recovering could lead me back to drinking. I may think that I've got such a handle on myself that I can handle the drink. That has happened before. Telling myself the my 'self' was the problem, and since I had been working on my 'self' and that was the problem, I could handle the drink. But I now think that recovering and remembering need to go hand in hand. I need to recover the 'real' person inside of me, the true person, I need to find her, brush her off and pick her up and let her out......but she needs to remember that the drink makes her go into hiding again.
So a little (or a lot) of both is the recipie I am going to try this time......remembering and recovery.

SF69

Hey Tay-lyn,

Just wanted to say great job, and to agree with the rest on how we've all been there.


Anna, I never really thought about this way, but it's true. The SR forums are like a CB, and the members with longer sobriety are radioing back where the speed traps are (and where the good diners are too). Then us with shorter times pass the info on to those just getting on the highway.