Robzoloft

Hey All- Here's what's going on...had a massively stressful day at work...political drama...co-worker went to the boss...disagreements of perception...he said/she said...all the standard BS. Had to have an uncomfortable discussion with said boss...I'm sure you know the drill. Anyway...left work feeling really down...worn out..done. I really wanted to alter my consciousness...wanted to feel different...RIGHT NOW. I wanted a drink. BADLY. I told my wife and some people who know me and my new recovery...talked it through...something I've never done before, I usually put on the "fine" act. Haven't taken a drink...don't plan to...don't want to...but do at the same time...I know you all know what I mean. I'm in a safe place ..people know how I feel...thought I'd share with you guys too. Thanks.

Aysha

Great job on making that known.
It's like self sabotage. I do it to myself all the time.
And not only does it help...It makes me feel better.
I have been tested the past few days. Even had to go to the city where I pick up and made it back alive and drug free.
Good job..Keep it up.

WLDKATZ

I wish I could give ya a hug Rob and say it will be alright at least your in a safe place and Chi is right self sabatage is the biggest reason ppl go back to drinking, glad to see your not!

Dee74

This is all part of starting to actually *deal* with crap rather than just running away from it with a bottle Rob - you're doing well

D

Surlyredhead

I am sorry you had a stressful day, those suck!! However, you handled it wonderfully, I am so proud.

Cathy

nogard

good job Rob as Dee said its living life on lifes terms, well done.

Kevin

Negative Man

It's good sometimes just to state it, Rob. Glad that you did. Remember that this job, boss, co-worker do not define who you are. You define that.

Be the best person you're capable of being with the rest of the day, and don't worry about that other stuff. Make this a good weekend for yourself.

Robzoloft

Thanks everybody...your posts are really helpful

tay-lyn

Hang in there Rob, your feelings will pass, the stress will pass....you're doing so great.....just hang in for the rest of the day/night....get some sleep and wake up sober to a new day!

Hevyn

Yes, Rob, very familiar with the "don't want to, but do at the same time" thing. That's why it's so great to come here among friends who actually do know what you're talking about. I was so used to being anesthetized against unpleasant things, it is like learning to live all over again. No more burying things, no more shoving them down - they need to be faced and talked about with those you trust, not drowned in alcohol. You are doing so great. I'm on Day 19 myself, and feel enthusiasm and hope beginning to s-l-o-w-l-y return. Love, Joanie

FightingIrish

Rob, I'm there with you man. One of the few things I did not lose as a result of my drinking bottom was my job, but coming back to it after being at an inpatient center for 34 days was and has been a soul-testing experience. (I am now four months out of the center sober.)

What I am learning about the general unreliability and unmanageability of my own thoughts, perceptions and behaviors is truly terrifying, but like you I feel grounded enough in step one to know that there is nothing in the world bad enough to be improved upon by a drink.

Still, for so long I used drinking alcohol as the immediate action I took whenever I felt discomfort, pain, embarrassment, shame, guilt or anything remotely unpleasant (or pleasant). So now, without that very reliable tool, I am left with few buttons to push or actions to take when I am feeling discomfort (which I find is generally most of the time) that had as immediate an effect as taking a drink.

I used to think of myself as a fairly self-less person, able to throw myself into a tough situation with intense focus on the people and crises at hand without worrying about myself too much. I am realizing now that a) I was probably just hungover all the time, so that numb, quieted thinking was a constant, and b) worry and concern for myself drives just about everything I do.

So this is a whole new level of surrender for me, and it's something I need to do everyday as part of my prayers throughout the day. Some mornings and evenings I will say the 11st Step Prayer (St. Francis) over and over again until I feel like I have truly meant it.

-M

theonlyway

Hey Rob, I hope that the past couple of hours have been good ones for you.

I've been thinking about you today and I'm so glad to hear you're still with us. I know that life has a tendancy of kicking us, just to see how long before we go down. You're a strong spirit and we're here with you...

Sending Hugggggggggs

~C

Hope

You did really well to get through that without drinking. Some days are just like that. It is new for us because we're not used to living without alcohol and it takes some practice but the more we face these things and don't drink, the stronger we get in dealing with life and the situations that we have to face.

I'm proud of you! You'll be glad you didn't drink when you wake up in the morning fresh and without a hangover!

CarolD

And then you return to work......
victorious!

SF69

Way to fight it Rob! And it's good to hear that you've changed your way of dealing with situations like this and started opening up to those that care around you. Kudos!

BLC

I can certainly relate. I've failed on many of those days and just hid in the bottle. Always made things worse never better.