Hi i'm new here
 

And new to recovery...I have been drinking since i was 21..not heavily then or now but steady...usually ranging from a 6 pack or less in the evenings to more on the weekends..I have a bad habit of drinking when i get upset..I have only had one or two black outs and i know i am on the verge of being an alcoholic

I went to jail on my birthday last wed and decided it was time to stop the insanity..I went to jail three times last year on account of drinking..mostly public drunk in my ex's driveway..He's an alcoholic too and in AA and had a bad habit of provoking me..hitting me and lying to me when on a bad drinking binge....

We were going to try to make it through AA together but it just isn't happening...He's a month sober but tries to make like he is almost 100 percent better and that just isn't the case..He started badgering me on my slow progress with AA and the big book and even lied to me last night about going to AA..I am without a car since my DUI and live in a small town..I have only been to 3 meetings and haven't really gotten to know many people and the ones i have met are pretty busy ATM so i don't have many choices of ways to get there

He had told me he was taking his mother out for her birthday and turns out he went to AA instead leaving me here very upset..wanting to drink and without a ride to AA :/ I called a girl from there and discovered he isn't fooling anyone...I had thought i was really being paranoid like he had been telling me...There is a younger girl there that he "said" called him for guidance..For the two years i had dated him he talked to other girls and lying about it..He told me i was just being paranoid about her calling (i think he had called her) and that he would NEVER try to pick someone up in AA cause that wasn't what it was about

I know i am rambling but last night upset me a ton...To make a long story i talked to a girl from AA who i have kind of starting being friends with and she talked me through it...I discovered he was with me to feel better about himself and that he is also considered a predator there..Not meaning anything bad..just that he is sick and needs girls that are going through the same thing to make him feel better..The girl has been warned about him and i am happy i am not just being paranoid

I cut off all ties with him..i don't need him hindering my progress..Now i can't say i am not hurting because of this..I love him and it was very upseting...i have to go to the same meetings he does because of my lack of ride and the size of my town..I had been iffy anyway about going to meetings and this is going to be worse

as i said sorry for the rambling...my mind is racing

Manda

Hi Manda,

Welcome!

I am glad that you cut off ties with your ex because it sounds like he was going to be quite a trigger for you. It's hard to stop drinking and you really need to focus on yourself.

There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.

Thanks..I need it..I still haven't decided if i am ready for AA yet or not..My mind changes everyday...but at least i feel in my eyes that i am ready to stop..My progress is slow but it's here and that's all that matter

As of right now i want to go to AA tonight..but that could all change when 5 o'clock rolls around..I don't really want to face him tonight and i have a HUGE issue with talking in front of a large crowd..i have been that way since i was young

Hey Manda, welcome to SR. Rambling is ok sometimes we need to do it. Sorry you are going through a tough time. You will find a ton of support here so stick around.

Welcome Manda. Keep coming back here. I'm on day 27 of no-drinking, and this board is a big part of that. I came here two weeks before I finally decided and did something about it. So... just keep coming back, posting, reading. It'll help no matter what you decide.

thank you =) Last night was just horribly upsetting to me...I knew in my mind he hasn't changed yet..but i never wanted to believe it

It's great that you found SR. There is a lot of support here. You are not alone.

You did a great thing by letting go of that guy. He sounds like he'd only pull you down. I had to let go of someone like that myself. Not easy but you will feel better about yourself and your recovery without that person pulling you down.

It gets better every day. It doesn't always feel like it but know that each day you don't drink, you are one step closer in your healing.

Stick around SR, post, read, and just talk about whatever is on your mind.

This place is full of people who have been through or are going through what you are dealing with now so post and talk all you want.

Thanks! Posting on here is really helping..I am struggling right now..It's the weekend and the time i used to start drinking in the evening..Posting on here and coffee are helping though :)

Manda, I am new to this struggle now also. I feel your pain about your ex. My husband is also an addict. I would like to help in any way I can. Hang in there.

good job putting recovery first. do that and everything else will work itself out.

how are you
 

Hi, my name is Sebastian.
First of all, I am sorry I burge like this into someones elses thread. I am new here as well, and tried placing my own thread but couldn´t get it aproved.
I am 29, about to turn 30 and I am an alcoholic and a addict to cocaine. I have been drinking on a regular basis since I am 13, and doing coke since i am 17. At this time I have two days being sober. My body is al shaky, I tell people i am hiperactive. Thank God I actually am somewhat, but know this spasms are not normal. I have a harder time breathing sometimes, and I am just concerned in general with my health, I know i look young and very healthy, but i know it might no be exactly what I am thinking. MEntally, I am very paranoid and suffer from depressions constantly, I am just not good at taking blows, like my brothers death or ending a 6 year relationship. I can manage those things right.
My consumption however limits itself to the weekends and party nights although, in recent months, once in a while, i would just do blow watching movies for a whole night. I have come to enjoy that. Going next morning to work with my eyes red, tiredm and sleepless to finish the left overs of my coke while I work. I just had a 3 day on going party by myself that ended saturday, i have many memory lapsus there that I just have no idea what happened. fortunately no one is hurt, my car is complete(stupid me, i was driving!!!). I just have been telling my self that I would stop 3 months ago, and I cannot stop. I am kidding myself and killing myself. I have many business projects coming up, and my daughter and all my future that I see with good eyes, I dont want to screw it up, I am scared I might just not be able to make it through.

Sounds like you have a lot to live for with your daughter and all. There is always hope. You work so does that mean you have insurance? Checking with a dr is a good first start. Detox can be deadly.
I call myself an alcoholic, but really I would take any drug i could get my hands on. Lots of coke, lots of speed, pills, weed, junk. whatever. I've been sober for a while. I did it using the 12 steps of aa. I am no longer bound by addiction as long as I stay active in my recovery.
So I guess whatever you chose, the important part is to take some action. Rehab, AA, whatever it takes for you.
You'll get lots of support here, the more you contribute the more you get out of it.

Welcome ebastian....:)

Good to see a new member
Please keep in touch with us.