aret

I keep going, keep moving but in what direction I'm not sure. Every day is getting a little easier, but sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions to make it through rather than actually living. I have not been drinking, I should feel better right? In ways I do, I am not waking up with headaches and wondering what happened the night before, yet, it still feels as if something is missing. Shouldn't I be happy? Why do I feel different than I did before? Why do I feel as if my energy and happiness is diminishing. It is hard to fill my time, hard to study, hard to focus on work. The only thing keeping me so strong is the love of my life. The only time the thought doesn't cross my mind is when she is with me, and I know that she can't be with me all the time. So I have tried to be strong on these nights home alone, staying out of the bars, and overdosing on diet coke. I have gone back to smoking more weed which reminds me of my highschool days, but calms my anxious mind. Something to get me through, and take my mind away. I will continue to try, although I thought that I would feel more of a sense of accomplishment but instead I feel solitude.

Rowan

Hi Aret,

It's good to see you posting again. I'm glad you are staying sober. It's quite common to feel better physically in the beginning, and I understand how confusing it can be when the emotions don't follow suit. It takes time, and patience, to get there. I wonder if it's a good idea to be smoking weed - I know it produces a different effect than the alcohol, but it is still a drug. Something to think about?
Be good to yourself, and I hope you continue to post and reach out.

aret

Perhaps not the best way to deal with things, but I guess I know this is something I can control. It has been in my life since I was young and has come and gone. It helps my anxiety, which I already suffer from, that is becoming worse from not having the downers (which is ironic because although I knew alcohol was a depressant, it always had the opposite effect on me until I took it to far. ) I am doing better now, just a lot of sorting out to do in my head, along with all of the other stress, that takes my mind right back to thinking about it. It feels like a vicious cycle.

CarolD

Hmm...
MJ made me unfocused and slothful.
I quit it years before my drinking became a problem.
Ever heard the term "stoned"
my mind turned into a stone for sure.

Have you and your lady considered
attending an open AA meeting?
that would be a good step forward IMO