Starting again....and again...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Starting again....and again...
Seems to be my life at the moment.I was doing so well before Christmas.I was sober for the longest stretch I've done since last May.But Christmas was not a happy time and I relapsed more than once.I'm currently back to my old pattern of lasting 2 days-then by day 3 I just can't seem to hold on anymore.I'm not drinking as heavily as I used to.I don't start at 10am(surprisingly) but I know how this works.It's only a matter of time.
I could kick myself for starting again-and have, many times.This may sound weird but when I was sober?I really was happy and I'm wondering if it's just such an unfamiliar state to me-I couldn't stand it?I am so accustomed to being depressed or upset about something, and for those months I really wasn't.I had tons of energy, I got involved in life outside of myself and I was really enjoying the benefits of not being hungover or so plastered I could hardly cook dinner.
I know I was triggered by a huge amount of stress(I had an aquaintance and her 7 year old badly behaved daughter staying here for 3 weeks-it was hell) but the thing is-life is always going to throw us these things.I need to learn to deal with them without turning to alcohol.I know it doesn't make it any better-but maybe I got too confident and thought I would be able to have 'just one' again?Stupid really.I know it's a lie.I simply cannot drink.
I really am trying now to get myself back to where I was.I also know I can't do it alone.I've been to a few A.A meetings here and am thinking about going back too.But I wanted to fill you in a little bit seeing as I've been so absent.SR was always such a supportive place for me and I'm still grateful even if I did disappear on you all for a while.
I hope to be able to contribute more soon too.God knows we all need each other as we go through this.
Anyway.....hi, again.Hope it's ok I'm back,
Love, Julesxox
I could kick myself for starting again-and have, many times.This may sound weird but when I was sober?I really was happy and I'm wondering if it's just such an unfamiliar state to me-I couldn't stand it?I am so accustomed to being depressed or upset about something, and for those months I really wasn't.I had tons of energy, I got involved in life outside of myself and I was really enjoying the benefits of not being hungover or so plastered I could hardly cook dinner.
I know I was triggered by a huge amount of stress(I had an aquaintance and her 7 year old badly behaved daughter staying here for 3 weeks-it was hell) but the thing is-life is always going to throw us these things.I need to learn to deal with them without turning to alcohol.I know it doesn't make it any better-but maybe I got too confident and thought I would be able to have 'just one' again?Stupid really.I know it's a lie.I simply cannot drink.
I really am trying now to get myself back to where I was.I also know I can't do it alone.I've been to a few A.A meetings here and am thinking about going back too.But I wanted to fill you in a little bit seeing as I've been so absent.SR was always such a supportive place for me and I'm still grateful even if I did disappear on you all for a while.
I hope to be able to contribute more soon too.God knows we all need each other as we go through this.
Anyway.....hi, again.Hope it's ok I'm back,
Love, Julesxox
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi Jules,
That was exactly how it was for me. Whenever I'd get a few days sober and start to think that maybe I could really do this - I'd sabotage myself. I realized finally, that I was afraid of succeeding. I had no idea how to deal with success, whereas I was all too familiar with failing.
Take a step outside of the cycle and believe that you deserve to succeed at sobriety.
That was exactly how it was for me. Whenever I'd get a few days sober and start to think that maybe I could really do this - I'd sabotage myself. I realized finally, that I was afraid of succeeding. I had no idea how to deal with success, whereas I was all too familiar with failing.
Take a step outside of the cycle and believe that you deserve to succeed at sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
it's more than ok 
it's marvellous
:ghug3
You do what any of us do Jules - keep fighting til we win...
you still have a ways to beat my 15 year 'again and again' record LOL
I know you can do this Jules.
welcome back!
D
it's marvellous :ghug3
You do what any of us do Jules - keep fighting til we win...
you still have a ways to beat my 15 year 'again and again' record LOL
I know you can do this Jules.
welcome back!
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-31-2008 at 05:06 PM.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Thank you
Anna-yeah-I really think you hit the nail on the head.I appreciate your words here very much.
Dee-you have been such a constant support.*hugs*
Carol-thank you too.We always have a 2nd chance huh?I'm not giving up.
Julesxox
Anna-yeah-I really think you hit the nail on the head.I appreciate your words here very much.
Dee-you have been such a constant support.*hugs*
Carol-thank you too.We always have a 2nd chance huh?I'm not giving up.
Julesxox
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Missed you
Been wondering where you were....so very glad you came back, since you were one of the people I "followed" on here when I first joined in August. I crashed & burned again after New Year's. I am now on Day 18, but it's different this time Jules - I terrified myself & barely made it out. As we keep saying, it's a journey. You were traveling up the road doing quite well, then took a detour. You are now back on your path, and you will make this. Love, Joanie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,299
Hey Joanie,
I guess we can never get too confident hey?I was doing really well too-so were you(I did post in your thread the other day.I've lurked a while-felt too crappy to actually post-you know.....)
Thank you for your post here.We are all in this.....I just want to do better.And I can do without the hell too.Can't give up.Won't.
Really good to see you again.Hang in there-I'm with you too.
Julesxox
I guess we can never get too confident hey?I was doing really well too-so were you(I did post in your thread the other day.I've lurked a while-felt too crappy to actually post-you know.....)
Thank you for your post here.We are all in this.....I just want to do better.And I can do without the hell too.Can't give up.Won't.
Really good to see you again.Hang in there-I'm with you too.
Julesxox
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