Anodyne

Blah.

I stopped going to meetings and didn't work the steps.

Sure enough, soon I was drinking every 3-5 days again, regretting it,
then doing it over.
Culminated early this morning with me apparently calling my sister
and telling her I took some pills..when I hadn't,
and she called the cops and I got the mental protective custody treatment
until I sobered up and talked to a psychologist.

I really hate it. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt
anyone else, either.

And it really, really sucked. Hospital for two hours, then another dozen or
fourteen in that tiny room.

THey were nice though, gave me a couple books.

I couldn't have my anxiety meds, because they couldn't give them to
me until I saw the mental health professional - who was very nice, btw,
and I couldn't see her until I blew all 0's.

From a .267 to .000 takes a while.

No faucet, just a basin and a metal toilet.
You get a cup so if you get desperately thirsty enough
you can get yourself a glass from the toilet.

How..completely un fun that was.
But, it really shocked me and I hated it soo much, that now I'm
full on about going back to my rehab classes..which I had been skipping,
and back to AA.

If this ends up being the shock that I need..I can't call it a wake up call,
I've already had dozens of wake up calls..then, well, as much as I hated it,
I'll be glad it happened.

Just kinda..wanted to talk about it a bit/get it out.

barb dwyer

bummer, Anodyne.

Man. This has been SOME weekend.
You make number four.
wow.

Well, then ... *pity part over* ... time to buck up, man-up, and suit up, huh?

We have a disease called alcoholism.
When we quit drinking, then go back -
we don't pick back up where we left off.
We pick up ... where we would be had we never stopped.

For me ... considering I died - that's .. um, dead.

Heard that on a speaker tape this weekend.

I'll help any way I can, dude.
Unless you like the whole toilet -n- cup thing.
Could be a detriment to picking up chicks, though.....
the whole breath thing, ya know ....

Anodyne

Haha, no, I pretty much hate the toilet and a cup thing.
I've been thinking about what might have been in there.
*shudder*
I assume they cleaned it..otherwise they wouldn't give me a cup and have
me drink from it. But a solitary drunk tank room at a jail.
Ick.

And you're right. I'm not pitying myself. It was a bad deal, but they didn't
send me to the state place, and I have a chance to do it right..again..and stick with it.

I thank God for that, because it's possible..you know, what if I had gotten behind the wheel? I could be too dead to have this chance right now.

And..just talking, and seeing all you folks who have done it/are doing it, and having
a place to call community when I'm not at meetings, helps.

What did you mean by four? Relapses or jail goings-to?

barb dwyer

"slips" ... two jails goings-to ... pretty much an assortment.

I stayed home all weekend and listened to Alanon and alateen speaker tapes. The epitome' of boring (sounding, to an outsider, I know)
... but I lerarned quite a bit.

Ano -
If you stick it out - and DO the Twelve ...
it changes ya.
I'm the proof of that.
You get a ...
self respect and if you're like me - that's total NEWS.

We're alcoholics.
We drink.

Just time to jump back into the solution.

ANGELINA243

Oh, how very true that is! My disease is doing push-ups when I am not drinking--I found that out the last time. It is out to kill me.

Anodyne, hang around awhile--keep posting. Just keep moving forward and consider this to be a learning experience.

Anodyne

yeah.when I had two months sober, I was going to meetings all the time, but not
DOING the steps.

That might be what led to me starting to stop going.
Which, in turn, led to drinking again. Just like I was told it would.

Oh, the wisdom of listening to people.
I wish I'd done it earlier.

barb dwyer

Ano -

I know several people who've been going to meetings for quite some time without actually DOING the steps.
In order.
As written.
Some have intellectualized about it,
you know - thought it through really REALLY well .. but never DONE them;
others just kind of slide in *as if* they've done them...
like if they hang out long enough , people will forget they never got around to it.
But it shows.
Folks are usually just too polite to point it out to them.

I just reckon we all go at things the way we go at things.
I know that with MY life, MY drinking ....
I had to do EVERYTHING ... different.

And for me -
to actually Fill the requirements ...
was something I'd never done.

And you know what I learned more than anything by doing the Steps,
by filling the requirements this ONE time in theis whole life?

I learned what self respect might feel like.
And I like it.
It made me want more.
It made me want that feeling - for you.
For every alcoholic suffereing.

Anodyne

Mmm. Self respect.
It's been a while.

Yeah, I did start reading the Big Book..and I remember the part
about how helping other alcoholics is very helpful to the person themself.

barb dwyer

yup.

every single person on this site helps me to stay sober.
especially the ones I don't like.

theyr'e the ones I learn the most about myself from.

SF69

Weird, one of the topics we discussed at my AA meeting last night was complacency. I'm still pretty new to the sober life, so I've haven't had to deal with that yet. Though, if I should get to that state of mind, a few members said things to help me deal with it.

First, remember the problems of the past that made me want to quit drinking. Then think of the problems that lie ahead of me if I start drinking again.

If all else fails, make sure I get to the meetings and don't let it slide.

mike_mass

Welcome back.