Notices

Where I'm At

Old 01-25-2008, 03:06 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
DES
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 37
Where I'm At

I haven't posted much but I've been doing a lot of reading here on the board and it's been extremely helpful I want to add!!! So, all of you who who post are helping more than just those who reply to your posts. Thank you !!!

I'm on day thirteen. I struggle to stay away from drinking from time to time which sounds par for the course. I still haven't gotten rid of the booze in my cabinet, like a security blanket I guess huh? With the exception of a three month period I've been drinking all my adult life. Lately though it has gotten really bad, rum for breakfast, (in between dry heaves) before going to my shop. Then after work I got pretty much blitzed, fall down drunk, every night. Blackouts on a daily basis.

I'm feeling better physically now, but mentally I'm no better. My blood pressure has come down some, it was dangerously high when I was drinking. I was depressed before I quit and I'm depressed now. The depression comes (I think) from my divorce about a year ago. My x had an affair and it tore me up. She was bi-polar or BPD or some combination of emotional or mental disorders. I have no energy or drive. I can barely get off the couch to grab a shower and get to work. I was in therapy for about a year and was prescribed about every anti-depressant there is at one time or another I think. I can't remember which med it was but I started to have suicidal thoughts while on it, nice huh ! Neither the drugs or the therapy seemed to do any good. I hate to go anywhere, even to the store.

I have no health insurance so I think I'm done with therapy. I was on my x's health insuance so I lost that with the divorce. Now I can't get health insurance because of my depression, the meds I was on and the notes the therapist made about my drinking. Yep, the Doc has to turn over all notes to the insurance companies.

The withdrawls were really bad for me for the first 3-4 days. Night sweats, really bad! Cold sweat the rest of the time, shivering. Either I was visited by a ghost one night or I was halucinating. Dry heaves all the time and the shakes like you won't believe. I still have mild shakes, how long will this go on? I know I took a chance by not going to a detox place but read above about the insurance and I couldn't leave my business. No, I'm not in AA. I went to a meeting when I quit before and I'm not sold on it. So far I'm doing this on my own and with the help of this board.

I don't really have a point for this posting but I guess it feels good just to write some of this out. My future should look bright but I can't seem to climb out of the hole I'm in.

Doug

Last edited by DES; 01-25-2008 at 03:23 PM. Reason: typo
DES is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 03:27 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Anxiety King
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 403
Originally Posted by DES View Post

I don't really have a point for this posting but I guess it feels good just to write some of this out. My future should look bright but I can't seem to climb out of the hole I'm in.

Doug
Doug, day 13 sounds like a good start at climbing out of that hole. Just keep at it!
SF69 is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 03:34 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
Congrats on the 13 days!

You no longer have physical dependance which is huge!

Remember why you quit and no matter what don't listen to the voice...the chattering in your head is full of lies...

You can do this
bugsworth is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 03:38 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Raised from the Dead
 
chicago's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Chicago
Posts: 376
Wow that was a great post. I appreciate your honesty. I was initially not sold on AA either. Rest assured, I am now. But I only fully committed when I had exhausted every other feasible option. AA or death were my two options and I chose AA.

If you find that going at it alone doesnt work and you need assistance in finding a solution for your alcoholism, we are here if/when you need us.
chicago is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 03:40 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
where the light is
 
gravity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Hi Doug,

Congratulations on day 13. I also find posting in this forum helps, articulates my thoughts. Sorry you are feeling so low. If you give it time this will likely improve.

I can't help but wonder...after the h*ll you have gone through, why do you keep booze in the house? Also, and I'm not pushing AA, what turned you off? I just started going a month or so ago..took a few meetings to feel comfortable. Some of the stuff they talk about I can't really relate to but I need the structure & face to face support/friendship to keep myself focused. I know that there are many ways to achieve sobriety but this has been my experience.

"My future should look bright but I can't seem to climb out of the hole I'm in." You have already started to climb out of that hole. What you are doing today makes that future so much more attainable.

Best wishes!
gravity is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 03:40 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
CarolD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR Doug!

Depression is why I began AA recovery.
By 3 months...it had vanished No meds.
While this is not true for everyone,
my depression was situational.
Did your depression begin during your marriage problems?

I see where you said your were not sold on AA
I certainly did not want to be there either!

Do keep reading and posting
Glad you joined us!
CarolD is offline  
Old 01-25-2008, 04:15 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
Hi Doug and Welcome,

Carol has given you great advice on depression. Since you've had little luck with medication, I do hope your depression clears up as your recovery continues. If not, persevere with your dr.

Keep reading and posting.
Anna is online now  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:11 PM.