New here, Tramadol addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: WI
Posts: 44
New here, Tramadol addiction
Hi everyone. I'm new here. Spent the majority of today reading posts and decided to join. Anyhow, I have been abusing pain pills ( vicodin, percs, tramadol, ocycodone, carisopradol) for about 3 years now. Started out as a couple a week for fun, no big deal. Then I had genuine pain do to a back injury and actually needed them, and of course built up a tolerance and was taking more and more. I think it got out of hand when I had my tonsils out 2 years ago at age 29. The recovery was horrible, and I was given a scrip for 160 vicodin. Yikes. After that I think my GP doctor thought I was taking too many and decided to put me on Tramadol for my chronic back pain instead of vicodin. At first I didn't like them, but they quickly became my DOC. Awhile back I remember searching for posts from people like me and reading that people were taking up to 20 tramadol a day. I remember thinking, "Jesus, how is that even possible?" But now that I think I have hit somewhere around 12-15 in a day(and I am tiny, 5'6 only 105lbs.!)-I know it's possible and I know I need to stop. Problem is, I am terrified of quitting. Terrified doesn't even begin to cover it actually. I don't even know what to really expect. I hate throwing up more than anything in the world and I know that will happen. I had a stomach flu 2 months ago and went 2 days without taking any because I was puking every 20 minutes and I didn't want to waste them. I thought that was my chance to get myself off them for good! But by the end of day two I had horrible RLS (restless leg syndrome) and couldn't sleep. I took 3 or 4 hot showers and would sleep about 30 minutes after each one but that was it. I had to be up at 6 AM for work, so at 1 AM I gave in and took two tramadol just so I could sleep! Went right back to where I was after that. I feel like I need them to go to work, to function and get things done. I'm also afraid without them I won't be a very nice person which would kill business since all I do is talk with clients all day! Dealing with the pain from my back is another issue, but is actually the least of my worries right now. I have a wonderful husband, who unfortunatly has also developed a problem with pain pills, and the two most beautiful little girls ever. I feel like such a piece of crap when I look at them and then at myself. I know I have to stop not only for myself, but for them. They are getting old enough to be able to figure out whats going on and I DO NOT want them to know about my problem. The last thing I want is for them to look back at their childhood and remeber mom as a junkie pill popper. So, I am here for support and information from all. I need to know what to expect, how long it lasts etc. I work 4 days on, then 3 days off every week. But the 3 days off are not alone time, it's getting kids to and from school or being busy with them all day etc. etc. so it's not like I can lay in bed. I could take some days off work, but we really can't afford it right now. It feels good just to write all this out and let someone know, because in 'the real world' I do a darn good job of hiding my addiction and therefore cannot talk about it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi and Welcome,
I understand how scary it is to face dealing with addiction.
Have you talked to your dr to get his advice on how to deal with this?
I hope you keep reading and posting.
I understand how scary it is to face dealing with addiction.
Have you talked to your dr to get his advice on how to deal with this?
I hope you keep reading and posting.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
