Newly acknowledging need to get help...and first time blogger!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 3
Newly acknowledging need to get help...and first time blogger!
Hello - (apologies in advance as this my first time doing this so I may not be doing this right?)
After 35 days of drinking at least a 1/2 pint of whiskey every night, I am ready to seek help. Before that, I would have drinks about 3x per week but it is very hard for me to stop once I start with one drink, nearly impossible. This was only possible if I was sick from drinking the night before!
My drinking has taken a toll on my personal relationships. I'm so ashamed about it and I need to pick myself back up after falling down way too many times! It is so scary how one drink leads to 3 drinks so quickly and how alcohol gives me this (false) sense of mighty confidence...the next thing I know, I’m waking up the next day in a fog.
Since just over a month ago and every night after work, all I have wanted to do is start drinking. If I did make it to the gym after work, I would just start drinking after working out! In some sick way, it seemed (to me) more forgivable if I had a good work out before drinking… more healthy, etc. – what a falsehood!
Lately, I have felt more comfortable home alone after work (and on the weekends) by myself drinking than going out and being with my friends….
Lastly, I feel like I look really different – not a huge weight gain, but my face is puffy – and it is scaring me. Has anyone experienced this? And, if so, will it go away?
All the above reasons, in a nutshell, is why I am seeking help and a place within a community of people who have experienced the same and are also seeking help.
And, yes, I am scared!
Thanks for reading~
After 35 days of drinking at least a 1/2 pint of whiskey every night, I am ready to seek help. Before that, I would have drinks about 3x per week but it is very hard for me to stop once I start with one drink, nearly impossible. This was only possible if I was sick from drinking the night before!
My drinking has taken a toll on my personal relationships. I'm so ashamed about it and I need to pick myself back up after falling down way too many times! It is so scary how one drink leads to 3 drinks so quickly and how alcohol gives me this (false) sense of mighty confidence...the next thing I know, I’m waking up the next day in a fog.
Since just over a month ago and every night after work, all I have wanted to do is start drinking. If I did make it to the gym after work, I would just start drinking after working out! In some sick way, it seemed (to me) more forgivable if I had a good work out before drinking… more healthy, etc. – what a falsehood!
Lately, I have felt more comfortable home alone after work (and on the weekends) by myself drinking than going out and being with my friends….
Lastly, I feel like I look really different – not a huge weight gain, but my face is puffy – and it is scaring me. Has anyone experienced this? And, if so, will it go away?
All the above reasons, in a nutshell, is why I am seeking help and a place within a community of people who have experienced the same and are also seeking help.
And, yes, I am scared!
Thanks for reading~
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: California
Posts: 358
Welcome Dysonesque. You're doing things just right by coming clean to yourself about what's been going on.
I know a lot about what you're talking about: drinking alone, harmed relationships, being scared. I'm just in my 15th sobriety day today, but I can say that the relationships don't seem so 'harmed' as they do 'interrupted.' And that fog lifted after about 10 days of not drinking.
The one piece of advice I can offer: keep coming back here, either to read or post or both. I was on here for two weeks before I finally quit. The support, shared situations and goals, and just the general friendly and non-judgmental atmosphere helped me a lot.
So, keep coming back. Let me know if you want to know more.
I know a lot about what you're talking about: drinking alone, harmed relationships, being scared. I'm just in my 15th sobriety day today, but I can say that the relationships don't seem so 'harmed' as they do 'interrupted.' And that fog lifted after about 10 days of not drinking.
The one piece of advice I can offer: keep coming back here, either to read or post or both. I was on here for two weeks before I finally quit. The support, shared situations and goals, and just the general friendly and non-judgmental atmosphere helped me a lot.
So, keep coming back. Let me know if you want to know more.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
Hi and Welcome,
Guilt and shame are a big part of addiction and, for me, they were very difficult to deal with. My life also became very small as my drinking progressed and I gave up my activities and friends so I could drink.
Try to be kind to yourself as you move forward in recovery.
And, yes, when I was poisoning myself with alcohol, I sure didn't look my best. Now, many years later, I feel and look far better than I did at that time.
There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Guilt and shame are a big part of addiction and, for me, they were very difficult to deal with. My life also became very small as my drinking progressed and I gave up my activities and friends so I could drink.
Try to be kind to yourself as you move forward in recovery.
And, yes, when I was poisoning myself with alcohol, I sure didn't look my best. Now, many years later, I feel and look far better than I did at that time.
There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Anywhere, US
Posts: 68
Hey,
I can totally relate to you.. I was drinking almost 2 pints a night. best of luck, I have been trying to go to the meeting and getting numbers. I am sorry i don't know really else how to help, other than I understand this pain..
I can totally relate to you.. I was drinking almost 2 pints a night. best of luck, I have been trying to go to the meeting and getting numbers. I am sorry i don't know really else how to help, other than I understand this pain..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 3
Your message meant a lot -thank you. I appreciate the perspective of "interrupted" relationships rather than a 'permanent harm'. I'm just on my second night without a drink - it really is a struggle.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 127
Welcome, Dysonesque!
Wow...your post could have been written almost word for word by someone I know intimately: namely, me.
I especially relate to the part about working out and drinking in the same day. That was something I did too. I was totally schizo. Working out in the afternoon....drinking that night...then back to the gym the next day...then back to the wine...repeat ad infinitum.
I've learned from reading in here that its not uncommon to be very healthy in some areas of your life and yet still be an alcoholic.
I have 25 days thanks to reading and help from people in here. I hope you keep coming back and keep posting too. Good luck to you!
Wow...your post could have been written almost word for word by someone I know intimately: namely, me.
I especially relate to the part about working out and drinking in the same day. That was something I did too. I was totally schizo. Working out in the afternoon....drinking that night...then back to the gym the next day...then back to the wine...repeat ad infinitum.
I've learned from reading in here that its not uncommon to be very healthy in some areas of your life and yet still be an alcoholic.
I have 25 days thanks to reading and help from people in here. I hope you keep coming back and keep posting too. Good luck to you!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I liked to drink my daytime alcohol with juices because it was soooo darn healthy!
At night...with water was my preferred method.
Important to keep hydrated ya know.
And Yes! my face was puffy
my eyes and hair lifeless ... dull
I even wore dark drab colors
My alcoholism manifest itself in depression.
Not until I finally quit drinking was I
able to get back into mental balance.
Depression is why I began AA recovery
It's an awesome adventure ..
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: toronto, on
Posts: 59
Hi Dyson,
I replied to you peripherally in another post but just wanted to say that when I read your post just now I felt like it could've been me who wrote it. I did that too! As recently as just last week. I'd hit the gym, then come home and hit the gin. And my face is puffy-looking too since I started drinking too much. But I tell you, I'm on day 4 and I already feel like the puff is subsiding. And I've noticed my eyes are much brighter than they've been. I wouldn't worry about the puff. I'm sure it'll go away over time.
Hope you're holding up. Believe me when I say that I know what you're going through. Cravings have been nearly intolerable since yesterday for me. What I'm finding helpful is just the thought of waking up in the morning with no hangover and having another way more productive day at the office (they've not been very productive in months - with too many sick - hungover - days). You can do it! Remember, you're not alone. Coming here really helps too.
~pancake
I replied to you peripherally in another post but just wanted to say that when I read your post just now I felt like it could've been me who wrote it. I did that too! As recently as just last week. I'd hit the gym, then come home and hit the gin. And my face is puffy-looking too since I started drinking too much. But I tell you, I'm on day 4 and I already feel like the puff is subsiding. And I've noticed my eyes are much brighter than they've been. I wouldn't worry about the puff. I'm sure it'll go away over time.
Hope you're holding up. Believe me when I say that I know what you're going through. Cravings have been nearly intolerable since yesterday for me. What I'm finding helpful is just the thought of waking up in the morning with no hangover and having another way more productive day at the office (they've not been very productive in months - with too many sick - hungover - days). You can do it! Remember, you're not alone. Coming here really helps too.
~pancake
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: PJ/SEL
Posts: 3
Hi,
I can relate to that: I workout in the gym 4 times a week in the morning and drink 5 days a week. I drink alone, just like you feel comfortable at home. I dont go out, dont socialize and I love drinking alone at home. I dont gain much weight but I can feel my body dehydrated, my quick thinking dwindling, my face puffy, hands and legs sweaty and other symptoms that is contrary to my normal self.
Drinking makes me feel good, secure and that any problem is not a problem. It gives me that false secure feeling and the need to top up after work just to feel good. In the morning after a night's drink I feel tired and most of the time can’t even remember if I had my dinner, who I called and sometimes what I did.
The best thing is to stay away and stay sober. Please understand that it is a problem and we have to stop. Dont stay at home during weekends and week days try to go to the bookstore, window shopping walk around or go to your preffered religion gathering. My personal believe if you do not change your current lifestyle which induces drinking it will be very hard for you to resist as the settings (environment) would encourage you to drink.
Try to stay sober but most importantly do not give up, it’s also important that you acknowldege that if its not today someday you will have to stop, may be then it would be too late...health wise and too dependent on alcohol
all the best...
I can relate to that: I workout in the gym 4 times a week in the morning and drink 5 days a week. I drink alone, just like you feel comfortable at home. I dont go out, dont socialize and I love drinking alone at home. I dont gain much weight but I can feel my body dehydrated, my quick thinking dwindling, my face puffy, hands and legs sweaty and other symptoms that is contrary to my normal self.
Drinking makes me feel good, secure and that any problem is not a problem. It gives me that false secure feeling and the need to top up after work just to feel good. In the morning after a night's drink I feel tired and most of the time can’t even remember if I had my dinner, who I called and sometimes what I did.
The best thing is to stay away and stay sober. Please understand that it is a problem and we have to stop. Dont stay at home during weekends and week days try to go to the bookstore, window shopping walk around or go to your preffered religion gathering. My personal believe if you do not change your current lifestyle which induces drinking it will be very hard for you to resist as the settings (environment) would encourage you to drink.
Try to stay sober but most importantly do not give up, it’s also important that you acknowldege that if its not today someday you will have to stop, may be then it would be too late...health wise and too dependent on alcohol
all the best...
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