Pilgrim

Well it's nearly a year since I tried to stop/joined SR and it's 5 1/2 months since my last drink.

So much has happened to me.

I struggle with feelings. I have so much clarity. Some of it is terribly painful and some of it overwhelms me with happiness. The strength of the feelings sometimes feels like knives going through me. On the way home tonight, I made these sort of pained noises in the car. I am hurting right now and I am also overwhelmed by something wonderful that has happened.

Pain comes mostly from people in my life that I love who are still drinking and who do terrible things. They will not join me in a simple happy life. They cheat and lie and use me. I have to say goodbye. I don't know how so I am doing the next right thing and waiting for my HP to help me.

Joy - well let me tell you some of it. My children live with me always. I went camping with them last weekend. We played the game of life tonight. I am working hard and travelling a lot but there is safety and peace and love in my home. There is no price I can put on that.

I got a call from my sister yesterday. We hadn't talked for 2 years. She and my family blamed me for all the problems in my family. This Christmas, my alcoholic mother behaved inexcuseably. My sister said - you weren't there. I now see it wasn't you. Can you forgive me?

This is more than I could ever have asked for and completely unexpected. I can't describe to you how grateful I feel.

I am so tired. Every day all these feelings leave me completely drained.

I am growing. I am alive. I am doing what people to in the world. How brave non drinkers are. Now I am brave too.

Good night my beloved SR friends. In the words of Flight of the Conchords - I am tired and I think I will go to bed now (except it's not business time).

CarolD

I am just tickled your sister has come to see the truth
A to each of you.

Forward we go...side by side

Rusty Zipper

steph, its awesome to see you growing in recovery, and growing up into the women you can be!

you rock lady!

and i remember you first come'n around...

my, another miracal!

xxoo

rz

Anna

Hi Pilgrim,

I, too am so happy that your sister has seen the truth in your family. That is such a blessing for you. I'm glad to hear you're doing well.

Missymae737

Hi Steph,

It is wonderful to see how far you have come in your recovery...

Thanks for sharing...:ghug

gypsytears

Thanks for the update Steph. You have come a long way since your first started posting. I'm glad you hung in and didn't give up .

Pilgrim

Hi Gyps. I am glad too. How are you getting on?

I have lost my earlier posts but I remember how I was still. I was so lost and lonely. I was also self centered and pathetic - waiting for someone to save me. I remember thinking that as I walked around town, I had my SR friends with me to keep me safe. SR was my first HP.

Carol and Anna - I could never have been given a bigger gift. Only my sister not my parents but isn't it amazing? We stay sober one day at a time and the effect we have on other people is so big. To help my family, that's all I have to do. Just for today, to go to bed sober tonight. for you both.

RZ - I remember you being there for me when I first came too. You were so wise and helpful. The first thing you posted to me was a little man banging his head on a brick wall saying I should just concentrate on getting sober and not worry about my "relationship". Hehe. I thought you just didn't understand. My head was full of yes but this and yes but that and I continued to bang my head on the bricks. I still have the same problem you know. The relationship stuff isn't quite sorted yet but I have been practising giving up control with my sponsor's help. Watch this space....

It's morning here so GOOD MORNING SR!!! Hugs from Steph

cmc

Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I'm so happy for your many blessings and newfound joy in life.

gypsytears

Hey Steph... I'm good. Thanks for asking .

You sound really happy and hopefull. Maybe that's one (of many) difference from the beginning posts. You have a whole different tone. I'm glad you and your children are camping & doing things together and home is your safe place. That's so important...being with your family. Wow about your sister's apology. That must feel really wonderful... I'm glad for you.

It is a good morning isn't it .

parentrecovers

great to hear from you, pilgrim! hugs, k

Dee74

steph

blast from the past for ya

D

Jomey

Wow - thanks for sharing. What a great post...it's a good day here, just reading your good news! Very inspirational.