Couples in recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read

LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-17-2008, 08:27 AM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 32

Couples in recovery

My husband and I are both alcoholics. After he had a very self destructive binge this passed weekend I decided to really take a good luck at him, myself, our relationship and our lives. I said to him, "let's kick it together." We have entertained the idea before. We spent a lot of time in marriage counseling and individual counseling - him for anger, me for anxiety. Our counselor always urged us to go check out some meetings. She always reminded us that fears and pain can't be alleviated with alcohol.
On Sunday night we each attended a meeting. I am really serious, I don't want to deal with the fallout from binge drinking anymore. I don't want alcohol as my crutch anymore. I tried to go to another meeting on Tuesday when my husband got home from work and got lost looking for the location.

My concern is that my husband hasn't looked at the meeting book. He hasn't done any online research. I even mapquested the only meeting that he went to for him. I think he feels that because he only drinks on the weekends that during the week he doesn't have to enlist any support. I feel that during the week is the time to build yourself up and gain some resolve to prevent a weekend relapse. I am not going to push or nag, just focus on my own recover, but I am really worried that he is not going to follow through. Should I push him? I have already told him that I don't want to do it alone. Besides, his really endanged himself with this last drinking episode.

Majamama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2008, 08:44 AM   #2 (permalink)
Anna's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,083
Hi and Welcome,

I do not believe that you should push him, nor can you. He will need to come to the decision to seek help for himself. In my opinion, you cannot urge your husband to keep pace with you as you recover. You can show him, but the way you live your life, that recovery is wonderful.

It can be very difficult for couples to deal with growth. In my case, I began drinking after 25 years of marriage and my husband never drank. When I began recovery, I knew instinctively that it was going to rock the boat. But, I had to do it, I had to grow and move forward. I am now much less dependent upon my husband and I am also more tolerant. We are not on the same spiritual journey, but that's okay.
And I dont know what the future is holding in store
I dont know where Im going, Im not sure where I've been
There's a spirit that guides me, a light that shines for me
My life is worth the living, I dont need to see the end.

John Denver
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2008, 11:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
Pinkcuda's Avatar

Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,416
I quit and went to meetings for a year and a half before my wife pulled her head out joined in too. I go to my meetings and we go together to some but she never goes alone to any meetings. We have to be careful to work on things as far as alcoholism and addiction and not turn A.A. into marraige counseling.
Just do your thing and lead the way. Don't push, pull or prod.
Pinkcuda is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-17-2008, 11:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
Life the gift of recovery!
nandm's Avatar

Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,057
I have found that when I concentrate on my own recovery I am healthier and better able to handle what happens within my relationship. I have had to learn though that the only recovery program I can work is my own. My partners choice of how they work their recovery program is their business not mine. It only creates problems when I step in their recovery program.
Just my experience.
NOTE: All BB quotes are from the 1st Edition of the Big Book
Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.
nandm is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:59 AM.