I thought it gets better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I thought it gets better
Havent been here in awhile and almost feel guilty to be here now cause I stopped logging in when I was feeling better and should have been here to support everyone else.
Now here I am cause i am feeling like my life is so hopeless and I feel completely alone.
Things were going really good, nothing fantastic happening, but things were looking up.
Finally got to feeling better and applied for a job which they told me to start right away, but when I went to fill out the final paperwork the fact of my record came up and now they told me they would keep my application in mind.
The guy Im staying with met a women at a bar and moved her in 3 hours later so I need to find somewhere quickly which was my plan anyway, but with the job getting screwed up I dont have the money to go. Pretty much the same story. Things get worse cause Im going to court Friday and they will be taking me out of the pretrial program and a felony will be put on my record.
That makes it 2 felonies from 1981, 7 misdemeanors in the past 2 years and now this new felony. I dont think i will ever get a job. With the new felony I will be turned down for financial aid so that will screw up my finishing school. I wont be entitled to food stamps or any assistance with housing. I see my self homeless again very shortly and I dont know where to start to even begin fixing everything.
I feel like getting ****** up but when I think it through it is just a depressing alternative that will serve absolutely no purpose.
I just dont know what to do. I have no one to help me or even talk to about this. I can talk to my counselor, but it seeems like a long time from now before I will see her.
I dont know why im even bothering to care cause this is just unbearably hard to deal with. I screwed everything up!!
I feel like my life is over, but I dont want it to be.
Now here I am cause i am feeling like my life is so hopeless and I feel completely alone.
Things were going really good, nothing fantastic happening, but things were looking up.
Finally got to feeling better and applied for a job which they told me to start right away, but when I went to fill out the final paperwork the fact of my record came up and now they told me they would keep my application in mind.
The guy Im staying with met a women at a bar and moved her in 3 hours later so I need to find somewhere quickly which was my plan anyway, but with the job getting screwed up I dont have the money to go. Pretty much the same story. Things get worse cause Im going to court Friday and they will be taking me out of the pretrial program and a felony will be put on my record.
That makes it 2 felonies from 1981, 7 misdemeanors in the past 2 years and now this new felony. I dont think i will ever get a job. With the new felony I will be turned down for financial aid so that will screw up my finishing school. I wont be entitled to food stamps or any assistance with housing. I see my self homeless again very shortly and I dont know where to start to even begin fixing everything.
I feel like getting ****** up but when I think it through it is just a depressing alternative that will serve absolutely no purpose.
I just dont know what to do. I have no one to help me or even talk to about this. I can talk to my counselor, but it seeems like a long time from now before I will see her.
I dont know why im even bothering to care cause this is just unbearably hard to deal with. I screwed everything up!!
I feel like my life is over, but I dont want it to be.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Dear Change...
I can tell you 19 months ago I was right where you are now. But please do not give
up. I waited way too long to get support. Try to get to a meeting and get some phone
numbers from some women..you need some sober friends..even just one who will see
you through this difficult time.
And don't worry..your story won't shock anyone. Mine didn't.
Love and prayers..
And keep comin' back.
Sherry
I can tell you 19 months ago I was right where you are now. But please do not give
up. I waited way too long to get support. Try to get to a meeting and get some phone
numbers from some women..you need some sober friends..even just one who will see
you through this difficult time.
And don't worry..your story won't shock anyone. Mine didn't.
Love and prayers..
And keep comin' back.
Sherry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I feel like there are many things I want to do and can do, but other people are in control right now. The people im trying to get a job from, probation department, even Jon. Sometimes you really do need other peoples help and I dont know where to turn. Metting are helpful, but it wont be a source of income, or a place to live and these too things are plagueing me with worry. I spend every waking moment in fear and it is wiping me out.
I feel like I have lost all energy and most of my ambition. How many problems can I handle before my head just pops off my shoulders.
The stress is killing me.
I feel like I have lost all energy and most of my ambition. How many problems can I handle before my head just pops off my shoulders.
The stress is killing me.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Dearest Change...
I know hun...
The first year of my recovery was spent in isolation and fear. It has been only through
sharing on SR and having the courage to attend face to face meetings that I have
been able to overcome a lot of that (fear).
It just would be neat to have a flesh and blood person to go with you to court...
Meetings are full of folks who are ready to help. I know it is hard to ask....but
what have you got to lose?
It just seems like you need some friends now sweetie. And who knows? Higher Power
could have a miracle for you in a job through a contact in the rooms?
Don't shortchange yourself?
You need support. Just don't wait so long like I did....the help is there..and it is free.
OK. No more preaching.
I do care.
Love,
IO
I know hun...
The first year of my recovery was spent in isolation and fear. It has been only through
sharing on SR and having the courage to attend face to face meetings that I have
been able to overcome a lot of that (fear).
It just would be neat to have a flesh and blood person to go with you to court...
Meetings are full of folks who are ready to help. I know it is hard to ask....but
what have you got to lose?
It just seems like you need some friends now sweetie. And who knows? Higher Power
could have a miracle for you in a job through a contact in the rooms?
Don't shortchange yourself?
You need support. Just don't wait so long like I did....the help is there..and it is free.
OK. No more preaching.
I do care.
Love,
IO
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Other people are only in control of our lives if we give them control and continue to do so. You broke that circle some time ago but the consequences are still happening for you. The key point for me and for you it sems is having others to relate to at any time of night or day. Keep coming here and join a program AA, NA Smart or one of the others trhat suits you and then work it and keep in constant contact with others that you relate to.
You have hope and you clearly get the basic message of recovery (don't pick up) so keep reaching out and as your attitude and there life will change.
Kevin
Being with and talking to other addicts keep me clean and now keeps me clear and well
You have hope and you clearly get the basic message of recovery (don't pick up) so keep reaching out and as your attitude and there life will change.
Kevin
Being with and talking to other addicts keep me clean and now keeps me clear and well
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Hi Change4life 
. I was wondering why you haven't been posting. I can't begin to imagine the stress of everything... you have a lot of things working against you atm. I can tell you that using IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE PROBLEMS GO AWAY. It will most likely make things worse. Do yourself a favor... don't use. Something will work out with housing and a job if you keep looking, staying straight and asking for help. I know it. I'm glad you posted.
. I was wondering why you haven't been posting. I can't begin to imagine the stress of everything... you have a lot of things working against you atm. I can tell you that using IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE PROBLEMS GO AWAY. It will most likely make things worse. Do yourself a favor... don't use. Something will work out with housing and a job if you keep looking, staying straight and asking for help. I know it. I'm glad you posted.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
hey Beth
sorry I missed you...
look - I really would get to some meetings...you need support - good solid sober support - right now, and not only do you get support for keeping clean but the more people you meet, the greater chance of someone knowing someone who has a room or a job. Networkings like that
Yeah it sucks, when you're not the meeting kind....but what's the alternative here ?
You have to try something B - stay there much longer and the little use voice will get ya and...you just can't let it do that right now. You cannot use.
You have to be prepared to do anything right now, hon.
Grab the support - above all stay clean, keep looking for jobs and rooms - and things will get better.
D
sorry I missed you...
look - I really would get to some meetings...you need support - good solid sober support - right now, and not only do you get support for keeping clean but the more people you meet, the greater chance of someone knowing someone who has a room or a job. Networkings like that
Yeah it sucks, when you're not the meeting kind....but what's the alternative here ?
You have to try something B - stay there much longer and the little use voice will get ya and...you just can't let it do that right now. You cannot use.
You have to be prepared to do anything right now, hon.
Grab the support - above all stay clean, keep looking for jobs and rooms - and things will get better.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 79
hey change,
I haven't replied to you, but I thought I would share my support. I know it can be difficult. I agree with Dee..you never know who you will meet in a face to face support group! I know people who have made contants in support groups and it has helped them greatly. I know it can be difficult to get yourself motivated when everything looks terrible...I have been there.
I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Jes
I haven't replied to you, but I thought I would share my support. I know it can be difficult. I agree with Dee..you never know who you will meet in a face to face support group! I know people who have made contants in support groups and it has helped them greatly. I know it can be difficult to get yourself motivated when everything looks terrible...I have been there.
I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Jes
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
c4l, this could be the best time to really move foward...
what one thinks they want, and what one can get by seeing what is working, and what isnt, can be just that thing to change the negative, into the positive c4l!
and dont underestimate the power of the rooms, in any form!
theres opportunitys out there, just wait'n for the grab'n!
i wanted something, put loads of effort into it, and it never happened... when i redirected that effort, woe, did life take off!
good wishes c4l, and nice seeing you back!
love
rz
what one thinks they want, and what one can get by seeing what is working, and what isnt, can be just that thing to change the negative, into the positive c4l!
and dont underestimate the power of the rooms, in any form!
theres opportunitys out there, just wait'n for the grab'n!
i wanted something, put loads of effort into it, and it never happened... when i redirected that effort, woe, did life take off!
good wishes c4l, and nice seeing you back!
love
rz
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Delray Beach
Posts: 9
hope this helps
I am WAY behind you now, I NEED to change, and am staggering in her half wasted,and half on my knees..For your personal sanity you must quit, at least that is my story, I can tel ypu from here that I love you, and would like to help any way I can.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi Change,
The worst things that have ever happened to me in my life have happened in sobriety. Bad things, things I would not wish on anyone (our little girl was stillborn, 4 miscarriages after that, my wife was found to have a tumor, I lost my job, crushing debt). We got through and meetings were the key for me. The guys at the mens meetings in the Allston-Brighton section of Boston carried me on their shoulders and saved my life. Drinking at that time would have been absurd and would have made things incredibly worse.
You can and will get through. If the old saying that adversity breeds character is true - and I believe it is - alcoholics are the best people in the world. Lean on some of us - we are strong. I've said it before and will say it again here, although I heard it somewhere else - alcoholics are like gold - we've been through the fire and come out the other side cleansed of all impurities - pure gold.
You'll be okay, Change. Things will get better. Take care.
Mike
The worst things that have ever happened to me in my life have happened in sobriety. Bad things, things I would not wish on anyone (our little girl was stillborn, 4 miscarriages after that, my wife was found to have a tumor, I lost my job, crushing debt). We got through and meetings were the key for me. The guys at the mens meetings in the Allston-Brighton section of Boston carried me on their shoulders and saved my life. Drinking at that time would have been absurd and would have made things incredibly worse.
You can and will get through. If the old saying that adversity breeds character is true - and I believe it is - alcoholics are the best people in the world. Lean on some of us - we are strong. I've said it before and will say it again here, although I heard it somewhere else - alcoholics are like gold - we've been through the fire and come out the other side cleansed of all impurities - pure gold.
You'll be okay, Change. Things will get better. Take care.
Mike
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
C4L...I can only repeat what others here have said...get to meetings...call for rides, if you must (even the AA hot-line, if necessary)...reach out to everyone who'll listen. I've had program people help me and my family members in ways I couldn't expect from life-long "friends"...program people are the greatest.
Things will get better...but, you have to let people know that you're in desperate need of help, be it emotional support at court, a job, living arrangements...whatever!!!
As you can see, I live in Jersey, too, and I have never known Jersey AA/NA folks to turn their backs on a fellow Jerseyan!
Things will get better...but, you have to let people know that you're in desperate need of help, be it emotional support at court, a job, living arrangements...whatever!!!
As you can see, I live in Jersey, too, and I have never known Jersey AA/NA folks to turn their backs on a fellow Jerseyan!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Im feeling slightlt better today. I should know by now not pay to much attention to my pessemistc attitude when im sick, I dont think clearly when Im not feeling well. my cold seems to be getting better and so is my attitude.
Im finally at a point where I realize the only answer for me is to start getting to meetings, one to be around people that have been where I am now, find some new sober friends and also network in the process.
I know Im not the only person in the world with a record and others have found a job so why cant I. It will be harder for me and sometimes that obstacle wears me down, but giving up isnt going to help.
Ive been toying with the idea of getting back into playing my guitar and singing to make money cause if ido that I can probably make more money than if I had a conventional job. Ive been avoiding that for fear of the drugs and alcohol that usually become readily available when in that situation.
I dont know it could be a bad idea, but Im thinking if I cant get a job I need to make my own work. Another reason to get into the meetings. maybe I can meet people that have enough time under thier belts and have the strength to say no that could possibly come with me in the beginning.
I love playing at the hospital and that gave me the confidence to get back to p;laying but it doesnt pay except for the incredible feeling I get to watch the kids sing and dance and leave thier troubles behind for a short time. people really do like my songs so It is a shame I cant use that talent acuse Im to much of a woos to say no.
Really need to work on that...... NO a simple 2 letter word! Its amazing how much trouble I have with that concept
Im finally at a point where I realize the only answer for me is to start getting to meetings, one to be around people that have been where I am now, find some new sober friends and also network in the process.
I know Im not the only person in the world with a record and others have found a job so why cant I. It will be harder for me and sometimes that obstacle wears me down, but giving up isnt going to help.
Ive been toying with the idea of getting back into playing my guitar and singing to make money cause if ido that I can probably make more money than if I had a conventional job. Ive been avoiding that for fear of the drugs and alcohol that usually become readily available when in that situation.
I dont know it could be a bad idea, but Im thinking if I cant get a job I need to make my own work. Another reason to get into the meetings. maybe I can meet people that have enough time under thier belts and have the strength to say no that could possibly come with me in the beginning.
I love playing at the hospital and that gave me the confidence to get back to p;laying but it doesnt pay except for the incredible feeling I get to watch the kids sing and dance and leave thier troubles behind for a short time. people really do like my songs so It is a shame I cant use that talent acuse Im to much of a woos to say no.
Really need to work on that...... NO a simple 2 letter word! Its amazing how much trouble I have with that concept
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Sounds like you're moving forward with a good positive attitude. There are an awful lot of nursing homes in New Jersey...have you thought of trying to get into them with your "act"? We have different folks come here every week. I'm sure they don't pay much, but it would be something to start...and, there wouldn't be any drugs or alcohol involved (unless you count Tylenol). 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Yea nonny, as a matter of fact I have been looking into the nursing homes, already have been learning new songs. i probably have the most diversified act there is.
Puff the magic dragon to frank sinatra. Okay maybe frank isnt exactly my forte, but it works and people like it.
Feeling down again today. I know I have to stay positive....
If you go into the game thinking you wont win, you have already lost right?
Keep plugging thats all I can do, no matter how hard everything seems, and man does everything seem absolutely impossible right now.
Not the happiest camper, but it could be worse.
My boss hired someone new over the weekend and now my hours will be less than they already are, but I will keep on smiling. The smile might be fake for now, but maybe a true smile will come to fruition soon!!!!!
Love you all
Thanks Rowan, glad to hear from you also!!!!
Puff the magic dragon to frank sinatra. Okay maybe frank isnt exactly my forte, but it works and people like it.
Feeling down again today. I know I have to stay positive....
If you go into the game thinking you wont win, you have already lost right?
Keep plugging thats all I can do, no matter how hard everything seems, and man does everything seem absolutely impossible right now.
Not the happiest camper, but it could be worse.
My boss hired someone new over the weekend and now my hours will be less than they already are, but I will keep on smiling. The smile might be fake for now, but maybe a true smile will come to fruition soon!!!!!
Love you all
Thanks Rowan, glad to hear from you also!!!!
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