Jackie36

I sure could use some input today. A little backround. I had a few years sobriety under my belt, relapsed almost 2 years ago. Back on the road to recovery.

This last year has been hell. 3 different treatment centers, 2 detoxes, a trip to the hospital with my body shutting down. I was swollen, yellow, liver and heart shutting down. And what do I do when I get out? DRINK!! Insane..... More insanity, blew thousands of dollars, lost my job (I have never not worked since I was 16, I am 40 now) I am a runner and a hider (from myself) I stayed away from home for chunks of time because of the shame and guilt. Yea, alot of fun.

I put myself in treatment this last time, by the grace of God, I am 47 days sober. But I am going nuts, and feel so lost in life! I have a 16 year old daughter, we are living with my mom right now. I have a fiance, who drinks, but handles it. I have been trying soooo hard to get a job, and its not happening fast enough!!

My mom is very controlling, always has been. I can't stand being here, but appreciate it at the same time if that makes any sense. I do go to after care for my treatment plan, and have been getting to at least 3 meetings a week. But not working I have no money to do anything, not even enough gas right now to get to a meeting. I feel restless, and I keep thinking why am I working at all of this so hard, I am getting nowhere!

Sorry this is so long, and I could go on and on, but I am having the "F'it" attitude right now! How do you get yourself off the pity pot, or stop playing the victom? I just feel so bitter about everything!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Jackie

Anna

Hi Jackie,

Good for you with putting yourself into treatment and 47 days sober.

I do understand your impatience. I have learned a lot about having patience since I began recovery and it's hard.

As far as getting a job, just keep at it. Try every possible option. Have you done online searching in your city - eg. craigslist or something like that? Do you know anyone who can give you a job - even part-time or temporary? Focus on your recovery and moving forward and the right job will come along.

bonsai12

I’m sorry your feeling lost. This past year you sure had your share of hell haven’t you? I have relapsed in and out of AA for several years and it hasn’t gotten any easier for me. Today I just do what’s suggested, I made a decision and made some changes.

I wish you the best with your daughter and your mom. As far as getting myself off the pity pot. Like I said made a decision and made some changes. Self pity still pops up but the more I took care me the better I feel...

Good job on the treatment and the 47 days.

mikel60

Hi Jackie,
Welcome to SR. Reading and posting here sometimes can help me with my attitude. I also attend recovery meetings (AA is where I go) in order to meet ohers and share with them. I hope you stick around.
Mike

Change4life

I know you are looking for advice, but I cant really give any right now cause Ian kinda in the same place. Im having a real hard time getting a job also and it is stressing me out beyond belief. I just finished starting a thread that was basically the same feelings just different circumstances. Here I am ready to give up, but after reading this I have to keep trying, There must be a way to get off the pity pot we just havent gotten there yet. I hope we both find the answer soon. I truly hope things get better for you soon.
You will be in my prayers. I seem to be doing alot of that lately.

nodrinkingzone

Wow... sounds like a long couple of years, Jackie. I haven't been through what you've been through, so all I can say is - keep at it, 47 days is a heck of an achievement after all that.

Try writing things down, tell your story, go for walks if you get the urge, and keep going to meetings I guess.

It sounds like your life is in danger if you drink again, and I hope you can find the strength to continue to stay sober today, one day at a time.

And thanks for sharing your story, that's the kind of inspiration I need to not drink again. I am 28 days sober, it's my first attempt at sobriety, and recently my fiance of 6 years left me because of my drinking and I almost lost my job.

This forum's the best place on the 'net for me (I see you joined almost four years ago, welcome back!) so keep coming back here every day if you can, it's like a permanent meeting!

Also if it's not too much trouble, how did you get through your first years of sobriety? Any techniques that might help a newbie?

Thanks,

ndz

Jackie36

Thanx for responding, it makes me feel less lonely

As far as the jobs go, I go online all the time. It really is the only way that companies will accept resumes now adays. I have sent out close to 100 resumes since Sept., no exageration (sp) I am very marketable, lots of skills under my belt, and no bites! I have recently signed up with 2 temp agencies to help out. Have my fingers crossed there. It is just so flippin frusterating! I do believe that I will get something when I am "supposed" to get something, but sometimes I loose track of that belief. My pity pot can get pretty big

I do go to meetings at least 3 times a week, it does help keep me centered. Right now I feel as though I could live at a meeting 24/7 to get me thru this slump.

The most important thing that I can say from my experience being sober for a length of time in the past, is let time happen, and try to be patient. I started drinking at 14 years of age. If you think about it, that many years of knowing and doing things one way, takes time to get used of living life the right way. I am one that can not stand feelings, or cope with them for that matter. I never learned how to. So that part is the hardest for me, learning to let myself feel them sober. Bottom line is AA meetings, being around others like me, and TIME helped me before.

And good God, I think I just helped myself a little just by typing that. lol