Newcomer with alcoholic mother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 8
Newcomer with alcoholic mother
Hi everyone,
I'm new here and am looking for some help in dealing with my alcoholic mother. Most of the resources that I'm finding online about adult children of alcoholics talk about adults who grew up in alcoholic homes. My story is a bit different. My mother did not begin drinking until after I started college and moved away from my home town. That was nearly 10 years ago.
I'm 27 and now live about 700 miles away from my parents, so I don't really know what goes on there on a daily basis. But almost every time over the last 6 years that I've gone home for a visit, I notice my mom drinking. I've tried talking to her and my dad about it, but she always says she's just about to get help, and my dad always tells me that they're taking it day by day and he doesn't know what else to do.
The last time I went home about 3 weeks ago, it seemed to be really bad. I smelled alcohol on my mom as soon as I arrived. I confronted her about it and she denied it. Then I did a little snooping and found bottles of liquor hidden in various areas of the house, some empty and some still with liquid in them. I secretly followed her to the basement where I saw her downing a bottle of rum. I didn't have the courage to confront her at the moment, I was just too sad, and I know this is selfish of me. I emptied all the bottles I could find and later that day she just went out and bought more. I told my dad about it and, in his usual style, he blew up at her, took her car keys and money away, and made her empty the remaining bottles. He hasn't learned yet that this makes no difference-- no matter how loud he screams or if he's taken her car or money away, she finds a way to get alcohol.
I confronted my mom once more just before I left and she told me that she's going into an out-patient rehab that the company she works for runs for their employees. She asked me to just let her get through the holidays without anymore scenes. Now I'm back 700 miles away and I don't know how to confront her or my dad to see if she's followed through on her promise to go to rehab. If she tells me she has, I don't even know if I'd believe her.
I know this has been a long story. My goal in writing this is to say that my dad isn't helping, my brother (who lives 5 minutes away from my parents) doesn't do anything, and I'm too far away to make any real practical difference in their lives anymore. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everyone else is in denial and my mom is not getting the help that she needs.
Things just keep getting worse and I feel like I have no support and can't help my mother. Someone please help me with some ideas. Thanks for listening!
I'm new here and am looking for some help in dealing with my alcoholic mother. Most of the resources that I'm finding online about adult children of alcoholics talk about adults who grew up in alcoholic homes. My story is a bit different. My mother did not begin drinking until after I started college and moved away from my home town. That was nearly 10 years ago.
I'm 27 and now live about 700 miles away from my parents, so I don't really know what goes on there on a daily basis. But almost every time over the last 6 years that I've gone home for a visit, I notice my mom drinking. I've tried talking to her and my dad about it, but she always says she's just about to get help, and my dad always tells me that they're taking it day by day and he doesn't know what else to do.
The last time I went home about 3 weeks ago, it seemed to be really bad. I smelled alcohol on my mom as soon as I arrived. I confronted her about it and she denied it. Then I did a little snooping and found bottles of liquor hidden in various areas of the house, some empty and some still with liquid in them. I secretly followed her to the basement where I saw her downing a bottle of rum. I didn't have the courage to confront her at the moment, I was just too sad, and I know this is selfish of me. I emptied all the bottles I could find and later that day she just went out and bought more. I told my dad about it and, in his usual style, he blew up at her, took her car keys and money away, and made her empty the remaining bottles. He hasn't learned yet that this makes no difference-- no matter how loud he screams or if he's taken her car or money away, she finds a way to get alcohol.
I confronted my mom once more just before I left and she told me that she's going into an out-patient rehab that the company she works for runs for their employees. She asked me to just let her get through the holidays without anymore scenes. Now I'm back 700 miles away and I don't know how to confront her or my dad to see if she's followed through on her promise to go to rehab. If she tells me she has, I don't even know if I'd believe her.
I know this has been a long story. My goal in writing this is to say that my dad isn't helping, my brother (who lives 5 minutes away from my parents) doesn't do anything, and I'm too far away to make any real practical difference in their lives anymore. I just don't know what to do. It seems like everyone else is in denial and my mom is not getting the help that she needs.
Things just keep getting worse and I feel like I have no support and can't help my mother. Someone please help me with some ideas. Thanks for listening!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Welcome to our recovery community - I'm glad that you decided to post.
You may wish to join our Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum - I'll grab a link for you -in the meantime, thank you for your introduction. Others will be along to say hello.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
You may wish to join our Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum - I'll grab a link for you -in the meantime, thank you for your introduction. Others will be along to say hello.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
Last edited by Rowan; 01-11-2008 at 10:37 AM. Reason: added link
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Hi and I'm sorry for your situation.
I think you know that there is not much more you can do. You've spoken to both your parents and now it's up to your mother to seek help for her problem. I hope she does.
For yourself, you could check out AlAnon in your area where you'll find lots of support. There's also a forum on these boards for Friends and Families of Alcoholics, if you are interested in posting there.
I think you know that there is not much more you can do. You've spoken to both your parents and now it's up to your mother to seek help for her problem. I hope she does.
For yourself, you could check out AlAnon in your area where you'll find lots of support. There's also a forum on these boards for Friends and Families of Alcoholics, if you are interested in posting there.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
The forums here, Al-Anon, and you may still want to check out ACOA...you are an adult, and you [/u]are[/u] the child of an alcoholic. Your Dad is very much in denial...probably your brother, too...so, you need to get some support for yourself, and keep trying to encourage your Mom to get into a rehab. If she knows you are seeking help from your own perspective, it might click for her. Good Luck to all of you.
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