hooked for life?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 9
hooked for life?
i've been taking benzodiazepines, opiates, & muscle relaxers since 2003.
back then i could go without them not even notice withdrawl...
now it's absolute hell when i go without my prescribed soma (carisoprodol)...
i use to be on a benzodiazepine support forum, but they kicked me out due to my honesty/expressing my true feelings...and they were just d*cks about it!!
i tried coming off of benzos last year and tried a titrate method with valium (diazepam)...just made the problem worse.
oh and i LOVE marijuana, without it i don't even feel the effect of GABA analogues or even opiates...
now i'm on soma which is GABAergic just like benzos & barbituates are. GABA analogues seems to be my biggest mental dependency...i wouldn't be typing right now if i wasn't on soma!!
recovery? sh1t...i wish i knew a miracle !!! but i don't...any advice? anybody else been hooked to pills and if so how did you get your head away from that surreal feeling it gives?
this is my first post by the way, glad to be at a support forum
peace & Love
Curtis
back then i could go without them not even notice withdrawl...
now it's absolute hell when i go without my prescribed soma (carisoprodol)...
i use to be on a benzodiazepine support forum, but they kicked me out due to my honesty/expressing my true feelings...and they were just d*cks about it!!
i tried coming off of benzos last year and tried a titrate method with valium (diazepam)...just made the problem worse.
oh and i LOVE marijuana, without it i don't even feel the effect of GABA analogues or even opiates...
now i'm on soma which is GABAergic just like benzos & barbituates are. GABA analogues seems to be my biggest mental dependency...i wouldn't be typing right now if i wasn't on soma!!
recovery? sh1t...i wish i knew a miracle !!! but i don't...any advice? anybody else been hooked to pills and if so how did you get your head away from that surreal feeling it gives?
this is my first post by the way, glad to be at a support forum
peace & Love
Curtis
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
Welcome Curtis...
For me benzos were too dangerous, and eventually i dropped them before they made too much damage. But i did feel the addictive role they can play. This site is an amazing place, there's a lot of info and many people who know what you're talking about, who have been there and have recovered. Yes, it's a hard road, but it's worth it. These people that come to this forum everyday are the living proof how it's possible to live free and overcome, even if it looks very hard.
About the marijuana topic, i'm not aware of its effects. What i know is what works for me, walking the path of recovery i had the amazing chance to start over...fresh..
stick around, keep posting...
For me benzos were too dangerous, and eventually i dropped them before they made too much damage. But i did feel the addictive role they can play. This site is an amazing place, there's a lot of info and many people who know what you're talking about, who have been there and have recovered. Yes, it's a hard road, but it's worth it. These people that come to this forum everyday are the living proof how it's possible to live free and overcome, even if it looks very hard.
About the marijuana topic, i'm not aware of its effects. What i know is what works for me, walking the path of recovery i had the amazing chance to start over...fresh..
stick around, keep posting...
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome Curtis!
I think that recovery is a miracle but there is no miraculous way to go about it. It's just hard and takes hard work.
Have you talked to your dr about detoxing? I know it won't be easy for you,but you can do this and there is lots of support here.
I think that recovery is a miracle but there is no miraculous way to go about it. It's just hard and takes hard work.
Have you talked to your dr about detoxing? I know it won't be easy for you,but you can do this and there is lots of support here.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hi Curtis. Glad you are here.
I agree with Anna. It is hard work and some pain that goes into recovery.
I had a dependency on benzos about 8 or 9 years ago. But I just stopped because they werent available anymore. Plus they made me very violent and aggressive.
It's funny. I got a legal script for them this year and didnt like them. Hardly took them.
Hang in there.
This board is a great place. You wont be judged here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 9
i have already tried a benzodiazpine taper with valium (f*ckin joke)
i feel sick with these pills but yet i feel sick WITHOUT them even more...
i am SO lonely in my life...no friends really...just old pals that never come around....
i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was very young, probably 3rd grade they gave me Ritalin which i think caused the most damage possibly....
i don't know how to live without GABA analogues or Opiates....
i had a mental break-down last night due to loneliness (and i was HEAVENLY medicated) no pill can completely take away the pain of my life. lonley f*cking world....
i don't mean to sound hostile, i am just STUCK right now in my life....
i feel this hollowness in my brain (lack of emotion, feeling, or senses) without pills. so are you asking me to get off of what is currently helping me/making me worse?
confused mad scientist and i just hope my chaos doesn't lead to suicide in a year from now...2 years...sh1t i don't know..
loneliness is my killer...more than the pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loneliness leads me to abuse.....without meds i get very suicidal...
maybe a girl....maybe a f*ckin MIRACLE....sometimes my life seems so repetetive...pills only DULL that repetetive motion...
if i only had FRIENDS...other than the little family i got.
i feel sick with these pills but yet i feel sick WITHOUT them even more...
i am SO lonely in my life...no friends really...just old pals that never come around....
i was diagnosed with ADHD when i was very young, probably 3rd grade they gave me Ritalin which i think caused the most damage possibly....
i don't know how to live without GABA analogues or Opiates....
i had a mental break-down last night due to loneliness (and i was HEAVENLY medicated) no pill can completely take away the pain of my life. lonley f*cking world....
i don't mean to sound hostile, i am just STUCK right now in my life....
i feel this hollowness in my brain (lack of emotion, feeling, or senses) without pills. so are you asking me to get off of what is currently helping me/making me worse?
confused mad scientist and i just hope my chaos doesn't lead to suicide in a year from now...2 years...sh1t i don't know..
loneliness is my killer...more than the pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loneliness leads me to abuse.....without meds i get very suicidal...
maybe a girl....maybe a f*ckin MIRACLE....sometimes my life seems so repetetive...pills only DULL that repetetive motion...
if i only had FRIENDS...other than the little family i got.
Last edited by curtis23; 01-10-2008 at 01:25 PM. Reason: typo
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Hey dont feel bad. I dont have any friends either. But I have a great family. All the real friends I have use or deal. And live in other states. So being around them is out of the question for me anyway. I really havent made any new ones except 1 or 2 here and there from work. But I feel like such a loser lately I dont feel comfortable around them. Plus they dont know about my addiction.
Your not stuck in life. just on your thinking and perspective. You need to really want to get out of that rut and be willing to do something in order for it to change.
You cant stay negative. It only adds to the misery and keeps you down and then you ll never get anywhere.
And harming yourself is not an option.
It's not even worth it. Plus life can never be so bad that it comes to that. Besides. Think of the misery youll be leaving behind to the ones who care about you. And the questions and not knowing. They will be so grief stricken. You dont want that.
I hope you feel better. If you get lonely. Come here and post. Someone is usually always here to communicate with. I know its not like having someone F2F. But it helps for now.
Your not stuck in life. just on your thinking and perspective. You need to really want to get out of that rut and be willing to do something in order for it to change.
You cant stay negative. It only adds to the misery and keeps you down and then you ll never get anywhere.
And harming yourself is not an option.
It's not even worth it. Plus life can never be so bad that it comes to that. Besides. Think of the misery youll be leaving behind to the ones who care about you. And the questions and not knowing. They will be so grief stricken. You dont want that.
I hope you feel better. If you get lonely. Come here and post. Someone is usually always here to communicate with. I know its not like having someone F2F. But it helps for now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Curtis,
Sorry for being late in welcoming you.
I've been clean from benzos for 4 years - they sure numbed me out. I liked it that way for a while. But every so often the fog lifted and I was miserable. I decided to get help.
Sitting on the fence is so difficult - you want recovery, but you don't want to let go of what you think is helping you to survive. It's called addiction, and you too can be free, if you are willing to take certain steps.
I had no friends before recovery. I was suicidal. I attempted - and nearly succeeded - in taking my life. If I knew then what I knew now - wow - who knows? But I had to go THROUGH it to get to where I am today. My life has changed so much. I don't drink or pop pills anymore and it's amazing. Things get better every day - especially how I feel about myself. That's the thing, though - you can't get from there to here without a hell of a lot of hard work.
I hope you stick around, and look deep inside yourself for answers.
My best to you,
Rowan
Sorry for being late in welcoming you.
I've been clean from benzos for 4 years - they sure numbed me out. I liked it that way for a while. But every so often the fog lifted and I was miserable. I decided to get help.
Sitting on the fence is so difficult - you want recovery, but you don't want to let go of what you think is helping you to survive. It's called addiction, and you too can be free, if you are willing to take certain steps.
I had no friends before recovery. I was suicidal. I attempted - and nearly succeeded - in taking my life. If I knew then what I knew now - wow - who knows? But I had to go THROUGH it to get to where I am today. My life has changed so much. I don't drink or pop pills anymore and it's amazing. Things get better every day - especially how I feel about myself. That's the thing, though - you can't get from there to here without a hell of a lot of hard work.
I hope you stick around, and look deep inside yourself for answers.
My best to you,
Rowan
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 607
curtis --
If you don't mind me asking, where do you stand with opiates specifically? By the picture you've painted it seems like they are not your drug-of-choice but you're happy to throw them into the mix when available, is that about right?
I'm mostly asking because that's the only class of drugs that I consider myself an "expert" on (for all the wrong reasons...) I used to be a giant polydrug abuser like yourself, although with a different basket of drugs. But then one day heroin entered my life, like a jealous woman who would not tolerate all my other affairs. Soon there was no time or money for anything but H. My polydrug abuse turned into a single-drug abuse, but believe me, it was no improvement.
By the way is that your own photo in your avatar or is it Dave Matthews or somebody else I should recognize?
Cheers
XJ
If you don't mind me asking, where do you stand with opiates specifically? By the picture you've painted it seems like they are not your drug-of-choice but you're happy to throw them into the mix when available, is that about right?
I'm mostly asking because that's the only class of drugs that I consider myself an "expert" on (for all the wrong reasons...) I used to be a giant polydrug abuser like yourself, although with a different basket of drugs. But then one day heroin entered my life, like a jealous woman who would not tolerate all my other affairs. Soon there was no time or money for anything but H. My polydrug abuse turned into a single-drug abuse, but believe me, it was no improvement.
By the way is that your own photo in your avatar or is it Dave Matthews or somebody else I should recognize?
Cheers
XJ
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by exjunky 
curtis --
If you don't mind me asking, where do you stand with opiates specifically? By the picture you've painted it seems like they are not your drug-of-choice but you're happy to throw them into the mix when available, is that about right?
I'm mostly asking because that's the only class of drugs that I consider myself an "expert" on (for all the wrong reasons...) I used to be a giant polydrug abuser like yourself, although with a different basket of drugs. But then one day heroin entered my life, like a jealous woman who would not tolerate all my other affairs. Soon there was no time or money for anything but H. My polydrug abuse turned into a single-drug abuse, but believe me, it was no improvement.
By the way is that your own photo in your avatar or is it Dave Matthews or somebody else I should recognize?
Cheers
XJ
If you don't mind me asking, where do you stand with opiates specifically? By the picture you've painted it seems like they are not your drug-of-choice but you're happy to throw them into the mix when available, is that about right?
I'm mostly asking because that's the only class of drugs that I consider myself an "expert" on (for all the wrong reasons...) I used to be a giant polydrug abuser like yourself, although with a different basket of drugs. But then one day heroin entered my life, like a jealous woman who would not tolerate all my other affairs. Soon there was no time or money for anything but H. My polydrug abuse turned into a single-drug abuse, but believe me, it was no improvement.
By the way is that your own photo in your avatar or is it Dave Matthews or somebody else I should recognize?
Cheers
XJ
Right on the dot!!! good thing about opiates for me and me only they help me when i've gone cold turkey from either klonopin or soma. the soma is my pain relief as well as the opiates (tramadol is what i ususally get occasionaly) plus i have horrible teeth (just getting that outta the way) so it's not just a high necessarily.
Congrats for gettin off H...not many people can do that it seems, must've taken alota strength oh man...i've never tried it but i consider oxy contin or methadone just as potent even synthetic!! so i got the taste of that...from now on i promise to only use pain medication for pain related issues AND THAT only...(keep tellin myself that, over and over and over...etc) but back to the point of opiates is for me they are vital when i can't have benzos or soma...and my brain feels so sick & perceptionally disturbed when i am that way. Once again that's just me, chemistry is different for everyone!!
(afraid i'm gonna p*ss someone off someone, somehow, and someway just like the other 2 forums)
And to finalize everything, my avatar is not my own photo, it's Thom York from Radiohead (my fav band of this generation/era) and i love him to death.
Peace & Love
Curtis
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: United states
Posts: 200
God
Thats the answer. Give your pain to him. He will bear it and if you can let go and do this then you will have a peace no drink or drug ever has given you. You are never alone. I will pray for you finding him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 9
benzo tapers with my chemistry just never work. i have tried ALL of that...even water titrations...just teased me!!! ended up making me worse...
what other methods...hmm...
detox? i don't know...that's the least idea i've had in my head.
love this forum compared to the last sh1tty one hardly any members online anyways...
peace & Love
Curtis
what other methods...hmm...
detox? i don't know...that's the least idea i've had in my head.
love this forum compared to the last sh1tty one hardly any members online anyways...
peace & Love
Curtis
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