Dealing with reality
 

Figured I would just share where I am at right now in hopes it can straighten out my thoughts. I just passed 4 months of not drinking. I won't say sobriety because I think I have a ways to go on that. Anyway, it looks like I will be single soon. I have been married for 13 years and the wife has had enough. 4 months ago I was "caught" once again sneaking my favorite drink. I have lied to her and hid it from her for at least 10 years. She always seems to catch me and I always promise I will get help. I am sincere about it until the urge hits me again and I think "I will just get a small buzz since it is such a nice day." That usually starts me on about a 3 or 4 day run (if I'm lucky). I love her wiht all of my heart and never wished to hurt her. Even though I have not drank for 4 months, she says that she can't trust me anymore. It is devastating to me as I don't know if I can fix this one. If only I could turn back time. I have 2 teenagers and have to figure out what I am going to do. I am 39 and feel as if this is the end of me. She told me yesterday and I really wanted to drink but I knew that whatever pain I was feeling would be twice as bad if I drowned it in drink. I am pretty down now but just wanted to get my thoughts out. She has online friends she chats with all the time but I have no one to vent/talk to so I am using this forum to get it out. Thanks for listening.

I admire you for staying sober, that must take a lot of strength. Take care of yourself and your kids and you'll get through this.

We are here to listen and support you when ever you feel like talking. Hope you feel a little bit better after getting it off your chest.

Best wishes,
Mandarina

Hi Den,

I'm glad you decided to join us - I'm very sorry about your marital troubles, and hope that you take steps to work on your recovery, regardless of the outcome of your relationship. Are you involved in any sort of recovery work, besides not drinking?
Please continue to read and post here, as it is a wonderful supportive recovery community.

My best to you,
Rowan

Hi Den13,

Just a quick hello!

After what I put my wife through the trust level is virtually non existent. I never wanted to hurt her but that's alcohol and that's the past - I can't change either. I have to "do whatever it takes" to stop drinking and prove that I can do it (promises don't work anymore) - for my wife, my kids, myself. I don't know how long this will take. You have 4 months of abstinence which is a great accomplishment. I really know how tough that is. Best wishes.

Welcome!!! Glad to have you here and big, fat, congrats on your 4 months. Keep moving forward.

Does she know you've been sober 4 months? You've told her? I think it would be very hard for her to accept your word after hiding it from her for 10 yrs.

Maybe shes' just pushing back a little for what you've put her through. Stay sober, give her some time and space; it might not be the end yet.

Stay positive and keep letting her see that your changing for the better.
I hope everything works out for you.

Prayers that the 4 of you can work
together for a mutuallyy beneficial solution.

Way to go on your sober time
:)
Welcome to SR!

What CarolD said :D

All the best Den, well done on your sober time. My fiance left me a month ago, and while we don't have kids the fact that I am sober and working on recovery has helped the situation.

I hope everything works out, and even if the relationship ends that you can find your own strength to continue sobriety.

Good luck, I'll send positive vibes your way tonight.

ndz

Den you will be in my prayers, congrats on the 4 months sober and a bigger congrats on not drinking over what is up with your family right now.

My wife told me her and the kids were gone in a month just before I went into detox, I told here I was going into detox and she told me it may be to late, that she would see how I did. So I went into detox not knowing if I would have a family or not when I got out. The key for me was I knew I had to get sober or die, family or not, I was at the end, I knew when I went into detox that I had to stay sober, family or not!

When I came home from detox they were still there, I told them I was going to AA to stay sober, my wife told me that she offered no gaurantee that we would stay together whether I stayed sober or not. At that point I thought about buying a 12 pack but I had made the decision that I was willing to do anything to stay sober, I went to over 90 AA meetings in 90 days and got a sponsor as they suggested I do in detox.

I credit the fellowship of AA and the program for my sobriety, the salvation of my marriage, the freedom I have today from the obsession for alcohol, and the person I am today.

Welcome to SR...

Keep posting, we are glad you found us...:ghug