Longball1

Okay, i don't know who remembers but i went to 5 days of detox and remained sober for 13 days. On the 14th i bought a bunch of alcohol due to boredom and isolation, had a tiny bit then dumped it all out. The next night i bought a fifth of dilluted crappy vodka, 22% and drank it, same with the next 2 nights. Last night i ran out of time and had to resort to drinking some beer, ugh. Anyway, i'm already struggling to not run to the store and get something, i think i'm getting the flu or a cold to boot, so i'd love to feel better. That's the first problem. Secondly, does this start over my sobriety?? Or do you consider this a "slip" in AA terms? So far i haven't pushed it to the point where i was, i was drinking over a fifth per night of 80 proof vodka, so i'm not in "bad" shape per se, but even when i attend meetings i still manage to go grab a drink eventually, though the meetings help.

I've been staying up super late, especially during sobriety and waking about around 2:30-4:00 pm. I take adderall and sometimes take more than i should, which seems to make me crave more, but if i don't take it i lay around like a lump on a log with no energy/motivation what so ever. I'm a college student in my senior year, and we're on break still until the 7th so i need to get my act together. Any help as to how i can/should ween my way back to normality and get a fresh start before i screw up any worse? I have 8am classes started next week, so i need to make several changes. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to go grab something small to drink to help myself feel better and ween (sp) down from the alcohol for safety reasons since i haven't been eatting but once a day, very late... Any help would be appreciated, and if i left out any info please ask if it helps with your guidance...

Thanks,
LB

daisygirl1217

I heard that the word "recovery" includes slip ups...its all part of it......please whatever you do just never fade from the fact that you know you have a problem that must be dealt with...all my life i grew up with alcoholics and some even died from it...tears me apart knowing you are so young with such a horrible addictions.....I wish you nothing but the best with your recovery and school...i know how hard both are.....

tellus

LB, I'd be a senior too right now if not for my alcoholism. Kudos for sticking with it.

Do any of your friends know what you're struggling with? If I could do things over again, I'd surround myself with "in-the-know" friends. Or what about your parents? Having understanding parents has been a lifesaver (literally) for me.

Best of luck,
A

Rowan

Hi Longball,

There are different schools of thought on 'slips' or 'relapses' - for myself, I relapsed twice over the years with alcohol, and changed my sobriety date. Most recently, 18 months ago, I started abusing sleeping pills and again changed my sober date. If I take something purely for the effect or to numb out, it's a conscious decision and therefore not true sobriety. It would be different if I unintentionally ingested a food that had been cooked in alcohol.
All of this aside, please don't let it hold you back from pursuing a clean and sober lifestyle. I'm glad that you are attending AA meetings, and urge you to continue to do so - not occasionally, but every day until you go back to school. Get a sponsor, get honest, and start working through the Steps. There is way out of this. Please continue to read and to share on this board - there is much valuable support.

Ro

Longball1

Thank you very much for the info, all of you. To answer several things w/o making several posts most of my friends know, and my family knows. I really was quiet about it until i go clean, then i got a better understanding of the fact that i was "sick", not just some bum loser drunk or whatever. So getting that 13 days under my belt felt good, i didn't mind people knowing. AA was scary until i went, it's not bad at all though i pass most of the time during discussion because i'm so new to this all i feel i should just listen and relate. On the bright side of things, even if i had some "slips" lately, i'm not destroying my health like i was before. Man, i was really beating myself up, but i need to stop smoothly asap so i don't allow the progression to continue. I'm thinking about drinking a SMALL amount tonight to ween down from withdrawls or whatever i'm feeling right now, i know how serious that can be. What do you guys think of that? Bad or decent idea, and yes, i have control to have just a SMALL amount, just today. I'll only buy a small amount and then hit the hay early, i've always been decent with control, (no black outs, dui's, ect) i just know how much i needed to drink in the past to get drunk, and that's what i purchased. I'm just really nervous about cold turkey quitting, i think a couple beers or sumpin would provide a safety net for me, or is this all just excuses? Thanks again,
LB

Anna

Hi and I'm glad you're seeking information and to change your lifestyle.

Whether a slip or not, the important thing is to continue to move forward.

One thing about your post bothers me and it's that you said you are trying to cut down/wean off alcohol. I tried that too, many, many times and I can tell you that it might seem to work for awhile, but it doesn't stick.

1963comet

Just coming here and talking about it is good. I did the same thing to. Cutting back, but I count my last drink as my sobrity day.

I did stay sober for a year with AA back in my 20s. But when I was ready to stop years later I remembered everything I learned in AA.

Let us know how it is going.

Longball1

Thank you for your honesty. I mostly just meant for tonight, i just feel very shakey and have that blurry thing going on, i figured just picking up something small to cure that for tonight, and tonight only would be nice. I am fresh in/out of lol recovery, so i know i can quit again and go back to sobriety, i just would like to do this safely and i don't feel so safe right now. Tomorrow i will be seeing my drug/alcohol counselor, and hitting up a meeting, coming home making dinner and going to bed. I just want tonite to be "safe". What do you think?

kevin 311

the earlier you stop putting that chemical in yourself, the earlier you stop letting it change your brain, mind and body

isolation and boredom were key problems for me as well

if you have a phone number of someone in recovery that you like and trust, call them before you start drinking

or call someone else who is lonely and could use a call

meanwhile, ask yourself who it would help, for you to drink

hope this helps

take care and stay warm!

CarolD

My guess is those flu/cold symptoms are from your drinking again.
Light drinking..light withdrawals. JMO

I don't know how adderall mixes with alcohol.

Check with your doctor when you see him tomorrow...K?

Kellye C

Hi there. Your post disturbs me but I think it's mainly because it brings back memories of my entry into AA.

To answer some of your questions, for me I would have to adjust the sobriety date. A date where alcohol has been ingested, regardless of amount, is not a sober day to me. Second regarding tapering off. You want to get something to just "get you through tonight." My question to you is what happens tomorrow? If you are having withdrawals tonight (which it sounds like you are) why is tomorrow any different? What are you planning to do differently tomorrow?

Lest you think I'm being mean (which I'm not) I would like you to know I'm not trying to discourage you but asking you some hard questions. I was going to AA for 28 days before I had a true sobriety date. Like you I would go to meetings and then drink afterwards. Granted I was drinking less than I had coming in but drinking nonetheless. I was terrified of withdrawals, having been through some wicked ones already, and wanted to "ease" into sobriety. I invented all these elaborate plans of how I was going to cut down, how I'd quit "tomorrow". I just didn't want to face it.

The day came on 8/8/04 on an outing with my new AA friends that I had an "a-ha" moment. As I sat out on the river going through my daily shakes (less than they had been but still present) I realized that I had reached the jumping off place. If I was really going to do this sober thing it was time I got off my *ss and got after it. I knew that there was no time like the present. I got up, went to a meeting and when it came time to get chips I explained that although I had been writing bogus sobriety dates that I was ready to come clean and get sober. I then picked up what I pray to God is my last desire chip. It was quite embarassing to admit all this but also freeing. I was able to dive into sobriety and begin looking for a sponsor and working the steps with a clean conscience and a new sense of hope. I still had to go through the shakes, blurriness and withdrawals but I got through it by staying in meetings, staying in contact with AA people, keeping busy and telling myself that I never had to go through this again unless I chose to.

It is my hope that you will reach the point where you are ready to go through the withdrawals (with medical supervision) and resolve to not drink, no matter what. It's not easy but it is worth it. You are young and have so much living ahead of you. I promise you it will be so much better if you choose to do it sober!

Take care,
Kelye

Longball1

Thank you, greatly for your post. I totally relate! I was very commited when i came out of detox, but all of a sudden one day my depression kicked back into full gear when my counselor warned me about the "pink cloud" and i fought it for a few more days then the isolation and boredom took over, i still attended meetings but starting drinking low amounts. It now feels like i am where i was before, just 'less' if that makes sense. I'm not hammered or hungover, but not motivated and looking foward to the evening again. Your questions you asked are self explanatory IMO, and you're right in ever angle i could look at them. I truly hope i reach that point you did, because i'm on the fence right now if you know what i mean, i have either side i can jump to, but i DO realize how progressive drinking is so i know i must act quick. I love hearing people's stories btw, i find it comforting for some reason. We/they are the winners really, they made the choice to attend and share, while the others are passed away, in jail, or drinking. So i guess i find comfort w/ the discussion meetings and leads, but the big book ones i avoid since i'm w/o a sponsor and they were on like the 5th step when i did attend... Thanks again,

LB

Kellye C

I'm glad you found the post helpful as that was the intent. I understand about being on the fence. I was there too but the choice for me was removed as my kidneys and liver started shutting down and I quickly progressed to being so physically dependent on alcohol that I could not go for more that a couple of hours before the shakes and throwing up started. It made it difficult to work and function. I sunk to lows that I never saw coming. I got to the point that I actually hated drinking but I hated the withdrawals and facing what I had become even more. It was easier to drink til I passed out than it was to go through the physical discomfort and face the disappointed and disgusted looks from my teenagers. Because of my rapid physical deterioration I was faced with either drinking myself to death in a very rapid fashion or getting sober and reclaiming my life. I chose to live.

Lest you think that my trip to my bottom was a long one I'd like to say that I went from someone who rarely drank and even more rarely drank to a buzz at the age of 35 to the dying and physically dependent person I just described at age 38. 3 1/2 years from start to finish. Because I had been drinking for such a short time I was convinced there was NO WAY I could be an alcoholic. I couldn't have been more wrong....

I've been told in the rooms that if you are a true alcholic and leave the rooms, alcohol does a really good job driving you back in. Some people are just not ready, haven't lost enough or suffered enough and then there are others who got in really young before they had to go to those lengths. It is an individual choice and one only you can make.

Where is your bottom? When is enough truly enough? Questions only you can ask and only you can answer.

In the meantime I hope that you will stick around and keep us posted on how you're doing and allow us to continue sharing our experience, strength and hope with you. Good luck on your appointment tomorrow!

Best wishes,
Kellye

Longball1

Did you have pre-existing problems or did this happen in 3.5 months? How much and often did you drink?

Also, when you refer to "rooms", what are you referring to? I am confused.. Thank ya

LB

SaTiT

Hi longball

It veries from indiviual to indiviual.
A week..will that's relatively overnite, overnite for me.
It is best to try to to take yourself too seriouse especailly
in earily recovery. You body and mind is still detoxing.
Yes i would stay up all day and all night.
I know you want answers, but it's still oneday at a time for me.
And I don't pick up no matter what...no matter how I feel, what I think,
what happens, cravings or no cravings, GF or no GF..I simply
don't pick up no matter what

You might try little changes like...eating twice a day.
Maybe take a simple 5 minute walk
In my bordom..i started reading literature about alcoholism
and i started writing a journal. I started cleaning my house, one
coner at a time, one closet at a time. it took me a month for
me to get to the bathtub..but i scrub the heck out of that too.
Gradually my living enviorment became cleaner..and I'm able to
relax in it.

Or maybe go to a meeting to be around folks.
You don't have to share or say anything.
When you're ready to talk..then you will.

It depends..sometimes isolation is not good.
I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone.

Time alone to sort things out for me was good too.
I learnd that I wasn't that hard to live with.

But in earily recovery i tend to over think everything.

I'm still taking it oneday at a time.
I don't have cravings and my life is not centered around alcohol anymore..
It was center around my AGF addiction thou.lol

Tazman53

Longball today is another day, yesterday is gone, you can not change it, but you can learn from it.

Slip or relapse, more sematics then anything, either way it is not sobriety, nor is it to be worried about, you have today and that is all you have control over.

Slips/relapses are not required to recover, as a matter of fact every slip/relapse is harder to come back from, some people never make it back. Many people do recover after slips/relapses so it is not the end of the world, but it is not a good thing to beleive that they are a part of recovery, many folks new to sobriety when they hear this figure "Hey I can get drunk or drink again one more time because it is part of recovery!"

I drank for 40 years, the last 5 years I had no choice in my drinking, I HAD TO DRINK EVERY DAY just to feel normal!

I went through a 5 day detox and I thank God no one told me that a slip/relapse was part of recovery, because I doubt I would have ever made it back into the rooms.

Old timers in the rooms told me to not drink no matter what, even if my arse fell off, they told me if it did fall off to put it in a bag and take it to a meeting!

If you went through detox I know they told you that if you really want to stay sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor..... right?

Have you gone to at least one meeting every day since you got out and got a sponsor?

One of the things my first sponsor told me was to get phone numbers of other people in AA and call him and at least 2 other AA memebers every day even if all I did was say hi!

I really wanted to stay sober, I was in the final stage of my disease I know that for me to drink is to die!

I followed suggestions, I made those 3 phone calls every day even though I hated doing it at first, I found out that people in AA liked me to call them because it helped them to stay sober as well!

At just over 2 months sober this getting comfortable calling AA folks saved my butt, I was ready to drink, my arse was on fire in a way I thought only a drink could put out!!! Did I drink? Nope! First I said the Serenity prayer over and over again then I called someone in AA!!! The fire went out, I did not drink, I was not alone with this feeling, I had just called someone who knew exactly how I was feeling because he had that feeling before to.

Go to a meeting ASAP, if you have a sponsor call him ASAP, if you are willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober you will do this.

Remember "It works if you work it."