I think I have a prblem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: summerville sc
Posts: 2
I think I have a prblem
Hi, I'm Luke I feel I have a problem, but i am very ashamed to admit it. About six months ago I drank all of the time, I mean every day and and alot. one night when we were on vacation I become very drunk and was terrible to her (not physical). I promised her that it would never happen again and that I would stop my drinking. I did for about a week and then I bought a six pack. I felt so ashamed about drinking it I hid it in the closet until I could get rid of it. well she found it before I got rid of it (promise broken). I was forgiven and up until last Thursday everything was going well. On Thursday we went out with a few people from her work and I became totally drunk and did not remember it (promise broken). Up until this point we had went out many times I did drink, but I had it in control, I don't know what happened. We are still together at this point, but her disappointment is killing me. This women has been the mother to my four year old daughter nearly since we met and now I have put the happiness of the two most important people in my life at extreme risk. Nancy (my girlfriend) has lost total faith in me and is sure that it (drinking binge) will happen again. I can not promise her again that it will not because I allowed it to. It may be too late, but I need to make sure that it never ever happens again. I know I may need to go to AA and I have found a location close to home, but I am scared and ashamed to go. I just dont know what to do. Thanks for listening.
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
Welcome!
I promise you that if you really want to stop feeling ashamed, and start keeping your promises, there is a way to do it..
Go to that meeting. You'll be welcomed there. First step is the hardest..
Keep posting..you are in the right place if you want to fix this!
Karen
I promise you that if you really want to stop feeling ashamed, and start keeping your promises, there is a way to do it..
Go to that meeting. You'll be welcomed there. First step is the hardest..
Keep posting..you are in the right place if you want to fix this!
Karen
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Ditto!! No need to be ashamed. As far as walking into a Meeting goes. Warm up with a Speaker Meeting or bring a friend. Arrive early so you're seated before the meeting starts. That way all eyes aren't on you and it will give you a chance at one on one before hand to lighten the situation.
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Hi Luke
We'll - your starting in the right place; and I would say your not intentionally breaking promises because you don't care, your breaking promises because, like us, you've lost the ability to control alcohol. That's why I'm here, there was a point in the past, where I could stop after a few beers but I've since lost that control.
I would strongly suggest that you at least check out a few AA meetings. All you have to do is walk in and sit down. Introduce yourself just like you did here, "Hi, I'm Luke, I think I might have a problem" or "this is my first meeting".
Just sit and listen. I didn't open my mouth for my first four meetings and then it was just like talking with family.
That being said, walking into my first meeting was just about the scariest thing I've ever done but so worth the few minutes of fear. I'm one of those prototypical males that never asks for help. I've fixed everything else in my life, so why can't I fix this?
I found out it doesn't work like that, that's why I'm here. You sound like you've also figured that out. You've tried to control it and it didn't work.
We've all been there and done that and there is no shame or embaressment in it.
I hope you stick around, your life and family are worth it.
We'll - your starting in the right place; and I would say your not intentionally breaking promises because you don't care, your breaking promises because, like us, you've lost the ability to control alcohol. That's why I'm here, there was a point in the past, where I could stop after a few beers but I've since lost that control.
I would strongly suggest that you at least check out a few AA meetings. All you have to do is walk in and sit down. Introduce yourself just like you did here, "Hi, I'm Luke, I think I might have a problem" or "this is my first meeting".
Just sit and listen. I didn't open my mouth for my first four meetings and then it was just like talking with family.
That being said, walking into my first meeting was just about the scariest thing I've ever done but so worth the few minutes of fear. I'm one of those prototypical males that never asks for help. I've fixed everything else in my life, so why can't I fix this?
I found out it doesn't work like that, that's why I'm here. You sound like you've also figured that out. You've tried to control it and it didn't work.
We've all been there and done that and there is no shame or embaressment in it.
I hope you stick around, your life and family are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hi Luke - Welcome to SR. Going to that first meeting is scary as all-getout! I was sweating, shaking, crying before I even got there! But, like everyone said, if you want to save your life and your family, a few minutes of even the most extreme discomfort is worth it! You will be embraced at the meeting - follow 'Cuda's suggestions about getting there early...maybe call in advance and ask someone to meet you at the door. That helps alot...just having someone looking out for you to arrive with a smile on their face and a helping hand in the door.
Don't be ashamed...you are doing the right thing here...keep doing it!
Don't be ashamed...you are doing the right thing here...keep doing it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: summerville sc
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your replies. It seems like we have a bit in common Omega Man. I have never been one to ask for help and i have never needed to. My pride (or stupidity) has never let me, but I do know i need help when I ask the question of myself "why did you let this happen" and I can not answer it. When the question is asked of me by Nancy "What are you going to tell Kalli (my four year old daughter) when she asks why her Nancy mommy is not here" and I have to tell her that the fault is mine. How to tell Nancy I will make this better when she no longer has trust in me that I will and is questioning if she wants to stay with me or not. lotta hell to go through, but im ready to start walking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: A place of special Dreams....
Posts: 4,018
Welcome.....you made the first step in admitting that you have a problem and you know where there is a meeting near you.................Keep coming back and moving forward......
Recovery will accept you no matter how you feel.....don't be ashamed....we all love you and welcome you with open arms........
It takes One day at a time .........and you seem to be headed in the right direction.....................Don't worry what others think.....Make the first move to a meeting and you will feel better about yourself....
Listen to what others have to say .....and if you feel like talking just step in and do so...........
God will direct you through all this..........I will pray for you that all works out for you and you find your way through recovery.....
I have done it one day at a time.........the first meeting I went to I felt rejected.......and yet I kept coming back.......got lots of Hugs and phone numbers from other members......It really works if you want it to work bad enough...........
Get the AA Big Book and read it from cover to cover.........and discuss it with others in the program at meetings ......You will find your way....I know you will.........
In the end you find peace with yourself and find a new way of life on top of that.......................I know......I have 22 years today in AA and love every minute of it.....would never give up my recovery........
Little Penguin
Recovery will accept you no matter how you feel.....don't be ashamed....we all love you and welcome you with open arms........
It takes One day at a time .........and you seem to be headed in the right direction.....................Don't worry what others think.....Make the first move to a meeting and you will feel better about yourself....
Listen to what others have to say .....and if you feel like talking just step in and do so...........
God will direct you through all this..........I will pray for you that all works out for you and you find your way through recovery.....
I have done it one day at a time.........the first meeting I went to I felt rejected.......and yet I kept coming back.......got lots of Hugs and phone numbers from other members......It really works if you want it to work bad enough...........
Get the AA Big Book and read it from cover to cover.........and discuss it with others in the program at meetings ......You will find your way....I know you will.........
In the end you find peace with yourself and find a new way of life on top of that.......................I know......I have 22 years today in AA and love every minute of it.....would never give up my recovery........
Little Penguin
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi formerofficer,
Welcome!
There is so much shame involved in addiction and in admitting that we have a problem we can't manage and that we've hurt those who we love the most.
But, you're right, you can change your life and begin recovery. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Welcome!
There is so much shame involved in addiction and in admitting that we have a problem we can't manage and that we've hurt those who we love the most.
But, you're right, you can change your life and begin recovery. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: TX
Posts: 542
Hey Luke, welcome to SR. You are not alone in this. As a man I can relate to the pride thing too. I've finally had to accept the fact that this is one problem I can not fix on my on. If you are interested in learning more I would suggest reading "Under The Influence". I found this book very helpful in understanding the why or how I did the things I did. Keep posting it does help too.
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Hi Luke,
Our recent experiences with alcohol are very similar. In my case, years of increasingly heavy drinking, did okay for 13 months (abstinent then moderation), recent 3 day bender. I am now on day 16 without a drink. I also have 2 small children and a wife that was/is(?) very disappointed in my inability to follow through on all the apologies & promises to quit drinking.
Congratulations on the 6 month period when you were doing well. Very hard work. This is not wasted time. Perhaps there are some experiences, knowledge or tools that worked for you that you can use again? In my case, tons of reading/research, keeping busy, and counselling kept me more or less on track. I also learned how to not drink in certain situations. However, the thought that one day I could responsibly enjoy drinking never left me and eventually bit me in the a** big time. Now, I am using some of the tools that worked in the past but have added Sober Recovery & AA to my plan of attack. I now have a support network & people who understand where I am coming from (as opposed to my wife & others who say "why don't you just quit?").
As someone who recently started attending AA, pride was a major issue. In retrospect, embarassment may have been just as big of an issue but this has proven to be almost totally unfounded. Scared that I would see someone I knew (it happened!), scared that people would find out. Now, it isn't that big of a deal and I (almost) look forward to going to AA meetings! I am doing something that I need to do for myself/family and, really, if anyone has a problem with it, well you know what they can do!
I really can't bring myself to make anymore promises to my wife. As curliQ said, its time to walk the walk. She is, however, very happy/relieved that I have joined SR and am attending AA. She no longer has to listen to me talk about something she has no personal experience with and she knows I am taking my recovery efforts to the next level.
Hope some of this helps. Best of luck!
Our recent experiences with alcohol are very similar. In my case, years of increasingly heavy drinking, did okay for 13 months (abstinent then moderation), recent 3 day bender. I am now on day 16 without a drink. I also have 2 small children and a wife that was/is(?) very disappointed in my inability to follow through on all the apologies & promises to quit drinking.
Congratulations on the 6 month period when you were doing well. Very hard work. This is not wasted time. Perhaps there are some experiences, knowledge or tools that worked for you that you can use again? In my case, tons of reading/research, keeping busy, and counselling kept me more or less on track. I also learned how to not drink in certain situations. However, the thought that one day I could responsibly enjoy drinking never left me and eventually bit me in the a** big time. Now, I am using some of the tools that worked in the past but have added Sober Recovery & AA to my plan of attack. I now have a support network & people who understand where I am coming from (as opposed to my wife & others who say "why don't you just quit?").
As someone who recently started attending AA, pride was a major issue. In retrospect, embarassment may have been just as big of an issue but this has proven to be almost totally unfounded. Scared that I would see someone I knew (it happened!), scared that people would find out. Now, it isn't that big of a deal and I (almost) look forward to going to AA meetings! I am doing something that I need to do for myself/family and, really, if anyone has a problem with it, well you know what they can do!
I really can't bring myself to make anymore promises to my wife. As curliQ said, its time to walk the walk. She is, however, very happy/relieved that I have joined SR and am attending AA. She no longer has to listen to me talk about something she has no personal experience with and she knows I am taking my recovery efforts to the next level.
Hope some of this helps. Best of luck!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hi and welcome!
Not a single person in AA went there because their lives were going good.
Go.
Pride ... is what keeps us drinking.
And winds us up alone and dead.
And please let us know how you're doing.
Your sharing helps keep us sober as well.
That's how it works.
Not a single person in AA went there because their lives were going good.
Go.
Pride ... is what keeps us drinking.
And winds us up alone and dead.
And please let us know how you're doing.
Your sharing helps keep us sober as well.
That's how it works.
Fighting the good fight
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 309
^^^
what she said
Going to my first meeting, on my first day after a week long bender (my fiance left me) was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I am 20 days sober now, and feeling much better about my life. You are in the right place, and I would highly recommend going to meeting IF ONLY to face it and overcome the fear of quitting. That has been the biggest difference to me - the fear of admitting my problem, and realising that I cannot do it on my own.
I wish you all the best, keep reading here - there's lots of sound advice from people just like yourself.
ndz
what she said
Going to my first meeting, on my first day after a week long bender (my fiance left me) was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
I am 20 days sober now, and feeling much better about my life. You are in the right place, and I would highly recommend going to meeting IF ONLY to face it and overcome the fear of quitting. That has been the biggest difference to me - the fear of admitting my problem, and realising that I cannot do it on my own.
I wish you all the best, keep reading here - there's lots of sound advice from people just like yourself.
ndz
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