i blew it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: mostly somewhere close to insanity
Posts: 80
i blew it!
don't know what happened to me last nite. i had a great family day with my girls...a little stressful but fine, and then nighttime came, and just sitting there chatting with my mom and best friend i thought i could just have one glass of wine....which turned into 1 bottle and 1/4 of one....bad hangover this am! i am so made at myself! i had 15 sober days and was doing fine! i have to start all over again, and i am feeling really frustrated and sad that i did that!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I am sorry to hear about your set back. But please remember that's all that it is, a bump in the road to recovery.
You are not alone. This is my experience: We would not have to worry about our inability to control the amount we drink if we never took that first drink. The real problem is our inability to avoid taking that first drink. If we have decided to quit drinking, it is likely that we have tried many methods to quit drinking. Our decisions to quit never seemed to work. We tried self-will, self-knowledge, firm resolve, renewing our resolve, moving to another area, doctors, psychiatrists, counselors but nothing we tried worked for very long. Always we returned to drinking.
When our best intentions and the certain consequences of taking even one drink do not stop us from taking that first drink, we must admit our powerlessness over alcohol. To remain sober we must find a Power greater than ourselves.
All attempts to not take that first drink failed until I started the program of AA. It took my acceptance of my powerlessness over alcohol, the willingness to believe that there is something greater than me out there, and the willingness and desire to go to whatever lengths necessary to learn how to live without drinking.
It can be done. There is a solution to the bumps in the road. You do not have to beat yourself up anymore. No amount of will-power is stronger than that first drink. Many alcoholics have been unable to explain why they took that first drink after a period of sobriety. It is a part of the insanity of alcoholism.
Please take a moment to look through some recovery programs and find one that will work for you. There are many out there. AA just happens to be the one that worked for me. Here is a link to the recovery programs thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
You are not alone. This is my experience: We would not have to worry about our inability to control the amount we drink if we never took that first drink. The real problem is our inability to avoid taking that first drink. If we have decided to quit drinking, it is likely that we have tried many methods to quit drinking. Our decisions to quit never seemed to work. We tried self-will, self-knowledge, firm resolve, renewing our resolve, moving to another area, doctors, psychiatrists, counselors but nothing we tried worked for very long. Always we returned to drinking.
When our best intentions and the certain consequences of taking even one drink do not stop us from taking that first drink, we must admit our powerlessness over alcohol. To remain sober we must find a Power greater than ourselves.
All attempts to not take that first drink failed until I started the program of AA. It took my acceptance of my powerlessness over alcohol, the willingness to believe that there is something greater than me out there, and the willingness and desire to go to whatever lengths necessary to learn how to live without drinking.
It can be done. There is a solution to the bumps in the road. You do not have to beat yourself up anymore. No amount of will-power is stronger than that first drink. Many alcoholics have been unable to explain why they took that first drink after a period of sobriety. It is a part of the insanity of alcoholism.
Please take a moment to look through some recovery programs and find one that will work for you. There are many out there. AA just happens to be the one that worked for me. Here is a link to the recovery programs thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
I'm sorry to hear about your setback too.
The main thing is to move forward now. When reading your post, it sounded to me like maybe, sitting with your mom and best friend, chatting, was a trigger for you. So, maybe next time, you could try to do things differently. Maybe getting together in a different place (like a coffee shop) or at a different time of day, whatever works so that you don't feel that craving again.
Hang in there!
The main thing is to move forward now. When reading your post, it sounded to me like maybe, sitting with your mom and best friend, chatting, was a trigger for you. So, maybe next time, you could try to do things differently. Maybe getting together in a different place (like a coffee shop) or at a different time of day, whatever works so that you don't feel that craving again.
Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hicktown, PA
Posts: 1,479
Hey hun - It's ok. You made a mistake. You do not have to "start all over again". No one, and nothing, can take away the experience you had of 15 days sober, nor can anything change the lesson that you learned by trying to drink again. Learn the lesson, start again, and hold your head up for coming here, sharing, and moving on. You can do this. (Trust me, I speak from experience on this one!) Love ya, Jomey
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Brighton UK
Posts: 328
That is hard when you are the only one not drinking and you have that feeling of being excluded so you join in. That is why I am sitting alone in my flat like a saddo - I don't want to confront that temptation. You did 15 days so that's great - just continue from today back into the sober zone.
Ending the Old Me.
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Under a Rock
Posts: 377
Hi Wine-Not, just my opinion but you didn't blow it. You drank, couldn't control it, didn't like yourself afterwards and came right back here.
It's not like you went on a week long bender, you just dragged your foot along side the wagon, you didn't fall all the way out.
Big Book page 31: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of the jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
I'm pretty sure you just did that.
Ahhh - I'm quoting the Big Book - I've been brainwashed. Just kidding people, LOL - that just struck me as funny.
Anyway - this is a good learning lesson, for all of us. Don't beat yourselve up over it, just keep working at it and smile!
It's not like you went on a week long bender, you just dragged your foot along side the wagon, you didn't fall all the way out.
Big Book page 31: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of the jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."
I'm pretty sure you just did that.
Ahhh - I'm quoting the Big Book - I've been brainwashed. Just kidding people, LOL - that just struck me as funny.
Anyway - this is a good learning lesson, for all of us. Don't beat yourselve up over it, just keep working at it and smile!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 34
I'm back to day one with you, sweetie. To make it worse, my DH called my mom to come over and she saw me at my worst. It needed to be done, and now my problem is out in the open. I was so angry at myself, but I know I have to step up to the plate and start again. ((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
I understand how quickly our alcoholic voice will try to tell us that we can have only one. I, too, have relapsed in the past because I listened to that voice.
As others have said, just move forward from here. You can do this.
As others have said, just move forward from here. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
Hi Wine-not
Soooo sorry to hear that.
My first year I had to stay away from people drinking. I did not trust myself at all in the beginning. And it was only because I learned by those mistakes. I did not quit the first time. I had in a year when I was 25. At that time I never went through the horror stories I heard in AA. So, I drank until I was 40 and I have my own horror stories now. Dang it
Soooo sorry to hear that.
My first year I had to stay away from people drinking. I did not trust myself at all in the beginning. And it was only because I learned by those mistakes. I did not quit the first time. I had in a year when I was 25. At that time I never went through the horror stories I heard in AA. So, I drank until I was 40 and I have my own horror stories now. Dang it
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
This is why I encourage honesty. When it comes to Alcoholism or the Recovery from Alcoholism I suggest you tell Family and Close Friends. If that was the case, they may have supported you in your decision to quit instead of drinking with you.
That's just my opinion and not meant to be taken as fact.
That's just my opinion and not meant to be taken as fact.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Each time I started drinking again
when I was trying to stay sober
At least 2 of the HALT elements were present.
Guard against becoming too
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
HALT
This may not have been true for you
I don't know.
Take care....2008 is a good year for
a fresh beginning ..
when I was trying to stay sober
At least 2 of the HALT elements were present.
Guard against becoming too
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
HALT
This may not have been true for you
I don't know.
Take care....2008 is a good year for
a fresh beginning ..
where the light is
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,763
Hi Wine-not,
Don't beat yourself up. 15 days was great and you are rebounding immediately. You will definitely learn from it and be stronger. For me, actually drinking is only one part of my problem. The other part is thinking that one day, I can enjoy alcohol. I have to be vigilant every day and accept who I am. Oh, and I have to believe the fact that I can't drink in no way defines me or limits me in any way from enjoying my life. I don't know if this helps or applies to your situation, but here it is anyway!
Don't beat yourself up. 15 days was great and you are rebounding immediately. You will definitely learn from it and be stronger. For me, actually drinking is only one part of my problem. The other part is thinking that one day, I can enjoy alcohol. I have to be vigilant every day and accept who I am. Oh, and I have to believe the fact that I can't drink in no way defines me or limits me in any way from enjoying my life. I don't know if this helps or applies to your situation, but here it is anyway!
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