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Day 11# and unbearable cravings...

Old 12-29-2007, 07:54 AM
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Angry Day 11# and unbearable cravings...

Does it EVER end???. I'd like to think that there is at least *some* pot of gold at the end of my sobriety "rainbow" but I'm beginning to have my doubts and doubting can be a VERY dangerous thing when you are a recovering alcoholic so early in game. Working up a sweat doing things around the house plus constant stress...

Any advice besides "you need to work the steps!!"?. (Sorry but I'm not an AA'er).

Thanks, Need4Change
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:03 AM
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I can relate those cravings can be tough. Just know we are here for you. Stay online all day if possible if it helps. Do you have a gym you go to. Sometimes if I'm feeling cravings I go and work my butt off and for some reason drinking loses its appeal. Just an idea. You've made it past ten I know it is the weekend but you made it through the last one so you can make it through this one.
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:16 AM
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Any advice besides "you need to work the steps!!"?. (Sorry but I'm not an AA'er).
Sorry to hear that. First of all, I was in a detox/mini-rehab for 12 days...then, so busy with AA meetings, I just didn't have time to obsess over the alcohol. After five days, the booze would have been out of your system...so, there shouldn't be any physical cravings...now, it's more mental than physical. Since the disease is mental, physical, and spiritual, the 12 Steps also address the spiritual aspects.

Don't discount AA out-of-hand...it is always an option.
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:17 AM
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Your not into AA that’s to bad because I found something far more precious than gold. Alcohol is the great persuader I don’t need to convince you to come into AA, booze will do that all on its own. Well if it doesn’t kill you first, sorry you are in such agony but thanks for reminding me what I used to be like.
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:29 AM
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N4C-

I would suggest getting out of the house..go for a walk, get yourself out of your head. It also might be helpful to go back and read some of your old posts! those should remind you of the terribleness of the hangover.

I am sorry you are getting the types of responses that you asked not to get..I know it can be a pain when you don't agree with the majority! However, I would suggest looking into other support methods - I utilize a few different "programs" (and not one of them is AA) and I have found them helpful. But as Jersey pointed out, the actual physical cravings stop after a few day. You have reached that point. Now you just have to change the associated behavior (example - if you liked to drink when you were alone watching TV and you are feeling the mental urge to drink....get away from the TV and go for a walk, the craving will pass and you'll be fine.)


Hope this helps
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:41 AM
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Lots of good advice here - get out and do something to take your mind off things, if even for a few minutes.

It will get better!
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:44 AM
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Needy, it's way too early in the game to become discouraged. I stopped in August and still had a bad time over Christmas. I keep waiting for the joy and peace of mind I know will come eventually, but it's not here yet. As I was told (in de-tox) withdrawing is the easy part, it's the maintenance that's the kicker. I do think it's asking alot of yourself to white knuckle it alone. SR got me through this, but I think I would have progressed faster if I'd had additional help & suggestions.
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Old 12-29-2007, 08:47 AM
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Jersey Nonny is right. It's out of your system after 4-5 days, so your physical cravings should be over. If you're not going to A.A. meetings you should at least read the book. It's hard to read the first 164 and not have some sort of spiritual awakening. Do you know that Libraries report the A.A. Big Book as the number one book that's stolen from them. Don't steal one of course! I was just pointing that out. It shows how many out there are struggling for help.
Secondly, I would hit the 12 step forum anyways here on the board. Carol always posts topics from The Daily Reflections, and The Thought for the Day there. If nothing else, it will send your thoughts off on the right direction.
Do those things for now. That way you get some of the benefits without having to go to those meetings.
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Old 12-29-2007, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Jes23 View Post
I am sorry you are getting the types of responses that you asked not to get..I know it can be a pain when you don't agree with the majority!
Ditto

On the other hand, I do believe that you do have to find something positive to replace the booze with. If AA works for some, for me it's mindfulness and meditation. Getting away from a trigger situation like others have mentioned is important too--at least until the craving begins to subside. I'd never done that until recently--I just tried to fight through and failed. However, getting away from the trigger and through the major craving only works because it puts me back in a space to practice mindfulness, and it has worked. I also feel you need someone to talk to and SR--the latter has been huge for me.

If you're interested in books here's some thoughts from kevin 311's thread:

Originally Posted by kevin 311 View Post
Eckhart Tolle's books The Power of Now and Stillness Speaks regarding how and why to practice present-moment awareness -- probably other books on mindfulness meditation cover the same ground
Originally Posted by awake121207 View Post
Be Free Where You Are
Peace is Every Step


They are both by Thich Nhat Hanh.
Hang in there.

Wishing you strength and peace
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Old 12-29-2007, 11:22 AM
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Well, I came within a hare's breath away from going back to drinking again, found all kinds of justifications and excuses for drinking and then finally asked my room mate to go down and get me a case of beer and a pack of cigs once he arrived home.

Thankfully, he was able to talk me through it and that really helped but I came soooo close and that was really scarey!. I tell you, the cravings have been driving me mad. They are non-existant in the mornings but by the late afternoon, they drive me nuts until later on in the evening after I've eaten and such. Perhaps the timing of the cravings has something to do with the fact that every other day I would usually start drinking between noon and 2:00PM.

I came so close. What if the next time it's "for real"??. Scarey stuff ):

- Need4Change
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Old 12-29-2007, 11:22 AM
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I know you don't want to hear about AA so I almost hesitate to post since AA is what saved me but here goes anyway. For ME, the physical part was over within a week. After that it was all mental. The emotions I had tried to blot out were all the sudden awake with nothing to numb them. I drank for a reason, I didn't want to deal with life on life's terms. For this alcoholic, I had to get to the root causes and conditions of why I drank and learn new ways to deal with life and problems otherwise I could not stay sober. I found that solution in AA, working the steps, making meetings and learning from those who had gone before me and understood what I was going through.

There are other methods of recovery that you may want to check out. I have no experience with them but I know you've been around here long enough to either have heard of them or know how to search for them. I would suggest getting on the Alcoholism forum as well. Regardless of what method you choose I would suggest you pick something and get after it. In the meantime keep busy, keep reaching out here and be openminded and willing to take suggestions. Keep this in mind, there is nothing so bad that a drink won't make WORSE!

I wish you the best,
Kellye
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Old 12-29-2007, 11:27 AM
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Just saw your next post. Consider the evenings your "trigger time" and plan to do something different that will keep you from thinking about a drink. My trigger time was after work, being alone in my room and being alone period as I tried to do all my drinking in secret. For the first month or so I could not be alone, I could not stand to be in my room. I ended up laying in the recliner in the living room watching tv and reading books and trying to sleep (insomnia was and is a huge problems for me). In the evenings I made sure I went to meetings or did stuff with family to keep me occupied until the liquor stores closed (I drank the hard stuff and hated beer so I basically had to last until 9:00).

Once again, keep it up and don't give in. You have had h*ll getting where you are you don't want to go back!
Kellye
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Old 12-29-2007, 12:30 PM
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Hey Need4 - Sounds like you are doing great! Just got back from a few days camping...I am soooo glad to see you are sober. I don't have a lot of time right now (need to dig out from under mountains of laundry:rof) but just wanted to say Hi. You know, you sound like a whole new person???? A happier, more reasonable person who is a lot closer to being ready to live a whole new life???????? Hugs, Jomey
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Old 12-29-2007, 12:44 PM
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First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for your continued and unwavering support. I can't believe HOW CLOSE I came!.

During my recent craving (which hit me like a ton of bricks), I ate 2 vienna sausage sandwitches with mustard, a bowl of chocolate ice cream and played a video game. Then, my room mate came home and I thanked him for talking me out of it but told him how scared I was of just how close I had come to relapsing.

I also want to thank all of you (again). Ever since I quit, my mind has been very sharp and clear. I generaly feel quite good and for the first time in awhile, I feel in control of myself and like I have some kind of future ahead of me. I appreciate my food more, my animals more, I enjoy and appreciate just about everything more.

I was an out-of-control mad-man when I was drunk. I would be so uninhibited that I would think nothing of walking right up and asking someone if I could go to bed with their wife or even touching a cop's gun and telling him "hey that's a pretty nice piece you have there sir", etc. Really crazy, risky and downright dangerous stuff!. I had ZERO control of what I did and that was the scariest part of all and why I stopped drinking...out of sheer terror. I could'nt trust myself anymore and was very afraid of what I might do and it was always the same old story EVERY time I drank (without exception)...BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENED!!.

Whew, well I guess I've gotten it off my chest now. Vent over

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Old 12-29-2007, 03:03 PM
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I don't expect anyone to reply to what I'm about to post or anything because I'm more or less just talking because I feel like I have to "get it out" because "it" has to go somewhere.

Anyway, the cravings (or what I perceive as cravings) are still driving me nuts. This is unusual because normally this time of the evening I have no cravings at all. My cravings come across as a sort of burning feeling deep in the pit of my stomach and yet no matter how much Pepsid Complete, Prevacid or milk I take/drink, this feeling remains. It's also a feeling in my head...sort of a feeling like I deeply need some substance to feel good again. Sort of like if you were having a "nicotine fit". Perhaps that "something" is alcohol. Perhaps that "feeling" is a craving. I don't know but I wish it would leave me alone. I wish I could pop a magic pill and make everything all better again. If only it were that easy.

I had a baked sub for dinner with a coke. My sister also wrote me a beautiful email thanking me for the Christmas package I sent her. I had not heard from her for awhile and was concerned that she had not received it so it was a big relief to finally hear back from her.

Well, I guess I'm just rambling now. Anyway, I plan to talk to my doctor about getting something to take away these cravings. The Campral isn't working all that great anymore (perhaps because it's nearly 4 months out of date), the Naltrexone makes me nauseous and sick and the Ativan (in the tiny doses I have been taking it in) really don't seem to be helping much. The chocolate ice cream was very good but I'm not even sure that did much for my cravings earlier but as intense as they were, I doubt ANYTHING would have helped

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Old 12-29-2007, 03:18 PM
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Hang in there, Need 4, you can do this. It isn't easy, like you said, but it can be done. Lots of "living proof" around here. Do whatever works for you. But don't "wait and see". You need to have a plan. Talking to the doctor sounds good. Also, I know you aren't an AA guy, but there are other types of support groups out there. Any in your area? Can't hurt to look around. Take care, Jomey
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Old 12-29-2007, 03:32 PM
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Thanks Jomey and I just want to say that even though I have never responded to your posts or replies personally, it does'nt mean I don't appreciate your support and encouragement. I actually, figured we'd end up being "best buddies", writing to each other every day and chattering away like two bluejays. In fact, I have felt that way about a lot of people here and yet I probably come across as some selfish, self-centered person who is only thinking about myself and what I can get out of all of this. That is the mindset of a desperate person and I was desperate to get away from alcohol and so this is why I probably never really hit it off with a lot of people here on a personal-friendship kind of level. I hope you (and everyone else here) can understand what I'm trying to say. I don't even respond to other people's posts very often because I very often don't even feel like I can help myself or I feel so sick from withdrawal that it's almost all I can do to just dig myself out of the pit and come across as selfish in the process (sigh).

Anyway, I just took a bit of Naltrexone as a "test" to see if the cravings would finally go away. I have never taken Naltrexone while I was experiencing cravings or after I had already stopped drinking like you are supposed to so it will be interesting to see what happens. I'm to the point now where if someone told me that a bottle of acid would cure my cravings, heck, I'd probably try it!.

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Old 12-29-2007, 03:41 PM
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Hey need4 - I don't think you're selfish at all - we are all friends here - we all have our ups and downs, our days when we give and our days when we "take" - don't worry about it. Just be yourself.. and yeah, next thing you know, the sober days add up and you find yourself here, chattering away with your friends. I like your "blue jay" imagery..puts me in mind of spring...I'm ready for that already!

I never used meds. in my personal recovery, so I can't comment, but hope and pray it is what you need it to be. Join in and post whenever, wherever. We all care, or we wouldn't be here. Just do whatever it takes, brother.

I'm off for the night, so take care, and we'll catch up tomorrow.
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Old 12-29-2007, 03:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Need4Change View Post
I was an out-of-control mad-man when I was drunk. I would be so uninhibited that I would think nothing of walking right up and asking someone if I could go to bed with their wife or even touching a cop's gun and telling him "hey that's a pretty nice piece you have there sir", etc. Really crazy, risky and downright dangerous stuff!. I had ZERO control of what I did and that was the scariest part of all and why I stopped drinking...out of sheer terror. I could'nt trust myself anymore and was very afraid of what I might do and it was always the same old story EVERY time I drank (without exception)...BAD THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENED!!.

Whew, well I guess I've gotten it off my chest now. Vent over

- Need4Change

I know you didn't expect anyone to respond to this but ...this really struck me...Why don't you print this out and put it in your wallet (or some place else) so that next time you have strong cravings you can read YOUR OWN WORDS (this way you wont have to log on to read it) about how drinking wont help anything and to remind yourself what you think about your drinking when you are sober (and not having cravings).

While I don't agree with beating yourself up over mistakes, until you feel comfortable with your sober time...I think a little motivation that has a somewhat negative tone can be helpful.

Oh and I am happy to read that you have made it 11 days! CONGRATS, i know how hard it is!:bounce
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Old 12-29-2007, 03:57 PM
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I just wanted to say that the Naltrexone actually WORKED!!. It did two things...

1# It COMPLETELY took away that intense gnawing, burning, pit-of-stomach craving I have had most of the day (which is what it is *supposed* to do).
2# It made me V-E-R-Y sleepy.

Oh yeah,. one last thing....

...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

- Need4Change
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