Robzoloft

Anyway......what I originally said was I don't know why I give a s*** what an online board thinks...but I do. The old animal is creeping back in...and he's comfortable, in a way. I mean time was you shook hands with me you better count your fingers. As for me, tonight is what it is...drinking ...but no pay off...you know, vast quantities with no seeming effect. I have no access to a vehicle..so at least I'm precluded from driving drunk ( still on probation from DWI #2...#3 sends me to jail). A lot of AA talk....Let me put it out there..my last sponsor f***** my wife...then married her...I affectionately refer to her as my ex...lets all agree..a hell of a lot of f****** goes on in AA..there I said it. And lets not forget Bill W's famous womanizing...read beyond the sacred script...kind of like The Gnostic Gospel...open your eyes. I am torn...part of me is just like f*** it...drink til you die...the other part screams LIVE...the "junping off point" right? Tomorrow is another opportunity..the plan is to take it....I always was a fighter...how do I go to AA in my rural town when my ex and my old sponsor are "the couple".....you know the "elders"...its GD embarrassing...they show up at meetings with my kids...they don't know who the f*** to sit with for Christ's sake...enough of that. I hate everything...I hate this...what the f*** is wrong with me?

Dee74

pour out what's left and go lie down Rob.

D

nogard

Yeah good advice, lets talk later.

Kevin

curliQ

Ditto. It doesn't really matter what's wrong with you. That is a moot point. It matters to me if you die a lonely, destroyed man. See you in the morning.

nandm

The same thing that is wrong with many of us here, we are alcoholics. There are times when it can feel like a curse. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with it and see it as just a part of who I am. Everyone has flaws, mine just happens to be my body reacts to alcohol in a way that leads to insanity.

The saying "If you can survive the fellowship of AA you can stay sober" sounds very applicable in your case. I have been fortunate enough not to have had the experiences that you have in AA. Just because someone stops drinking does not make them well, moral, or above reproach no matter how much "sober" time they have achieved. I wish I had some elequent advice to offer but I don't. I just hope that you give yourself another chance. Tomorrow is a new day. It could be day 1 for you if you choose to let it be. Take care.

IO Storm

The fact is...AA is made of up of drunks...some with years of sobriety...some with a

belly full of booze...we are all drunks. We each have a different story.

We have all done things we have been ashamed of...

As the Apostle Paul said "I am the chief of sinners."

That's me.

But that is not what recovery is about Rob...and your recovery is your responsibility.

It is important...and you are so important.

Take care of yourself Rob, and don't let anything stop you from getting the help you

need no matter what!

Love,

IO

SaTiT

Really ???
Some wreackge are irrepitable..It's easier that way for some people.
Responsibities ??? i guess i'm always responsible for crap that others
wern't willing to face or deal with.

hang my ass on a cross up side down too. lets just pretend :rof

December15

Hey Dude
You are blessed to be rid of this woman. Not only has she embarrased you in front of your group by taking with your sponsor but she is continuing to cuckold you by bringing your kids to meetings. She is hurting you and your kids. Believe me, I know women like this - as soon as you meet another woman, and you will, she will be right back on your doorstep begging to come back. Go to another meeting if you can or have to go to these meetings. Forget about this gal - bad news.

Jersey Nonny

What makes anyone think women have a lock on irresponsible, alcoholic behavior? And, just because someone is a "recovering alcoholic" doesn't mean he/she can't behave in an irresponsible manner...some are sicker...some are thicker...than others!

While we were still married, my ex left for another alcoholic. They both quit and joined AA. Two years later, I quit...and, darned if we didn't all go to the same meetings!

I started dating someone in AA, and he started sleeping with one of the gals I sponsored. Needless to say, I "fired" them both! And, guess what...we were all going to the same meetings. I used to cringe when I'd see them snuggling and holding hands like a couple of teenagers. But, I held my head high...and, I stayed sober!!! Sadly, I can't say the same for them.

The 12 Step Program of AA does not have flaws...but, many of the members of AA have trouble working this simple program. They are "constitutionally incapable of being honest...they are not at fault...they seem to have been born this way." Are you being honest, Rob? Are you trying to get sober, or are you trying to get even? Forget about your wife and him...the anger will only eat at you like a poison, and prevent you from getting/staying sober. That would be your greatest revenge...SOBRIETY!!!

Need4Change

Man, this is like deja vu or something. Rob is at the same place I was, saying basically the same thing(s) and getting the exact same feedback that I got 10 days ago before I threw my last bottle of poison out and went sober.

I wish I had advice to offer you. Withdrawal is tough...hellish. I dealt with my addiction through prayer but I also took Campral (to reduce cravings and stabilize my brain chemicals) and Ativan (an anti-anxiety drug in the benzodiazepine class). There are also a number of other drugs out there to help with (or even completely eliminate) withdrawal symptoms (some off-label) like Baclofen and Topamax and of course, the old "stand-by's" like Naltrexone and Antibuse. Have you talked to your doctor about getting treatment for your alcohol addiction?. I'm not an AA'er either and this was the (so far successful) approach I took but I am NOT a doctor so it's best to talk to your doctor about what I have described/suggested.

- IHaveChanged

Emimily

man. i was gonna get all AA and such, but he f***ed your wife? that's a rough one. it's not worth DYING over, though, especially since you've got kids. kids love dads, i loved my dad, and it damn near destroyed me when he died and i knew he was going to. still killed me inside, y'know? i know you don't want that kind of legacy left for them. but, you can leave them the legacy of recovery. whether you choose to roll back to AA, push through the resentments, and see what happens, or whether you choose SMART, or some other recovery program, you can get sober and live a life that's worth it.

still, sucks about your ex. yikes. are there any other meetings you can get to, anyone you can reach out to?

Jersey Nonny

Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?

It's the countdown to 2008...less than 11 hours here on the East Coast of the USA...no need for anyone to feel alone or lonely on this last day of 2007. Get out of yourself, out of the house, into a meeting...whatever it takes to see the New Year in sober!