OMG..I am really doing it!!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
OMG..I am really doing it!!
Do you all know how many times in the past 3 days I changed my mind back and forth about going inpatient?
AV screeeeaaaming!!!!
I felt like a total basket case. I mean litteraly every 30 mins or so I would say. Ok I'm going. I have to. Then another 30 mins or so later. No ...I am not. I dont have a car now. I'll be Ok. I cant get to the spot anyway. I was rationalising like crazy both ways nonstop for 3 days!!!!!
I drove myself crazy.
AV got a beat down though.
I have an appt with my primary first thing in the morning then it is strait to the treatment center.
I have called. There are beds..I am covered as far as ins goes. I got a ride. Got my stuff ready to go. And I am not leaving this time until they say its time.
Wow. Do you know how good that feels to say all that.
I am nervous. Because I do feel like I am going to jail kinda.
But like I said. I am so freakin serious. This year is my time.
I have reached that point. Whatever it takes. No more excuses!!
So I will see you guys when I get back. All brand new. Hopefully.
AV screeeeaaaming!!!!
I felt like a total basket case. I mean litteraly every 30 mins or so I would say. Ok I'm going. I have to. Then another 30 mins or so later. No ...I am not. I dont have a car now. I'll be Ok. I cant get to the spot anyway. I was rationalising like crazy both ways nonstop for 3 days!!!!!
I drove myself crazy.
AV got a beat down though.
I have an appt with my primary first thing in the morning then it is strait to the treatment center.
I have called. There are beds..I am covered as far as ins goes. I got a ride. Got my stuff ready to go. And I am not leaving this time until they say its time.
Wow. Do you know how good that feels to say all that.
I am nervous. Because I do feel like I am going to jail kinda.
But like I said. I am so freakin serious. This year is my time.
I have reached that point. Whatever it takes. No more excuses!!
So I will see you guys when I get back. All brand new. Hopefully.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,035
Well Trish, they say don't leave until the miracle happens. A miracle will happen for you and you'll become one too! Best wishes and prayers for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Trish,
I ran into a good friend yesterday - I've known her from the 'rooms' for about 5 years now. She's an alcoholic and crack addict. Lost everything. Still continued to drink and smoke. Resisted treatment for years, or would go but leave early with a new boyfriend.
She stayed the full course this time - at an all-women's treatment centre, and the miracle has happened. Her eyes are clear, and she is filled with peace. She acknowledges that she has a lot of work ahead of her, and she is right, but she's made a wonderful beginning. My heart just about burst when I saw her. I hope and pray that you experience your own miracle, Trish. Will be thinking about you and praying hard for your recovery.
Ro
I ran into a good friend yesterday - I've known her from the 'rooms' for about 5 years now. She's an alcoholic and crack addict. Lost everything. Still continued to drink and smoke. Resisted treatment for years, or would go but leave early with a new boyfriend.
She stayed the full course this time - at an all-women's treatment centre, and the miracle has happened. Her eyes are clear, and she is filled with peace. She acknowledges that she has a lot of work ahead of her, and she is right, but she's made a wonderful beginning. My heart just about burst when I saw her. I hope and pray that you experience your own miracle, Trish. Will be thinking about you and praying hard for your recovery.
Ro
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 50
Hi Trish. So happy to hear you have made up your mind.
I'm pretty sure that once in there you will realise that is the best decision you have ever made.
Will be thinking of you and just remember. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
I'm pretty sure that once in there you will realise that is the best decision you have ever made.
Will be thinking of you and just remember. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Wow Trish, your post is music to my ears. Thankfully you have the courage to take this much needed step toward health and a rebirth. You deserve it. Good for you girl. You sound ready to do the necessary work. This is simply awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
miss chiy
please read this...
Feelings and Surrender...
"Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we
can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.
Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full
of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief.
As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other
people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and
sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can
feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a
deep level.
Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future
are released when we surrender.
We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next
step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move
forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness
of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through
this spiritual experience.
I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself
all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released."
melody beattie
love ya
rz
please read this...
Feelings and Surrender...
"Surrendering is a highly personal and spiritual experience.
Surrender is not something we can do in our heads. It is not something we
can force or control by willpower. It is something we experience.
Acceptance, or surrender, is not a tidy package. Often, it is a package full
of hard feelings - anger, rage, and sadness, followed by release and relief.
As we surrender, we experience our frustration and anger at God, at other
people, at ourselves, and at life. Then we come to the core of the pain and
sadness, the heavy emotional burden inside that must come out before we can
feel good. Often, these emotions are connected to healing and release at a
deep level.
Surrender sets the wheels in motion. Our fear and anxiety about the future
are released when we surrender.
We are protected. We are guided. Good things have been planned. The next
step is now being taken. Surrender is the process that allows us to move
forward. It is how our Higher Power moves us forward. Trust in the rightness
of timing, and the freedom at the other end, as you struggle humanly through
this spiritual experience.
I will be open to the process of surrender in my life. I will allow myself
all the awkward and potent emotions that must be released."
melody beattie
love ya
rz
Congratulations and Good Luck to you! :ghug2
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Trish my heart and soul sings for you!!!
When I went into detox I was a lost soul, I was beaten, I had already surrendered to alcohol which actually felt good at the time because I got so tired of having alcohol kick my arse!!!!
When I went into detox it was due to a moment of clarity, I was given my future in fast forward if I kept on drinking, in less then a year everything I valued emotionally and physically would be gone leaving me on the streets alone with nothing but my booze. The a slow, lonely, painful death from alcoholism!!! Needless to say this scared the heck out of me......... I had finally hit my bottom!
Once at my bottom I surrendered to the fact that my way did not work, what I was really scared of was the fact I had no idea what to do so I called the Alcohol & Drug abuse line for my insurance company and they told me what I needed to do first, see a doctor.
This was the beginning for me, I did not know what to do so I became willing to follow suggestions given to me!
Trish just be willing to follow suggestions given to you! There will be suggestions that sound ridiculous at the time they are given, but be willing to follow them any way, I followed some really stupid suggestions and in time found out that the suggestions I thought were stupid wound up saving my life on more then one occasion.
There will also be suggestions that you will not want to do, do them!!! I sure did not want to look over my past and write down all the bad things I did and all the people I had hurt, I knew how messed up my life was, the last damn thing I needed to do was write that crap down! But my arse was kicked, I was willing to do what ever was suggested. Guess what? Writing that stuff down was the beginning of freeing myself from 40 years of guilt and shame!
Trish it is simple yet hard at the same time, follow suggestions and you will be fine, fight it and you will be miserable.
When I went into detox I was a lost soul, I was beaten, I had already surrendered to alcohol which actually felt good at the time because I got so tired of having alcohol kick my arse!!!!
When I went into detox it was due to a moment of clarity, I was given my future in fast forward if I kept on drinking, in less then a year everything I valued emotionally and physically would be gone leaving me on the streets alone with nothing but my booze. The a slow, lonely, painful death from alcoholism!!! Needless to say this scared the heck out of me......... I had finally hit my bottom!
Once at my bottom I surrendered to the fact that my way did not work, what I was really scared of was the fact I had no idea what to do so I called the Alcohol & Drug abuse line for my insurance company and they told me what I needed to do first, see a doctor.
This was the beginning for me, I did not know what to do so I became willing to follow suggestions given to me!
Trish just be willing to follow suggestions given to you! There will be suggestions that sound ridiculous at the time they are given, but be willing to follow them any way, I followed some really stupid suggestions and in time found out that the suggestions I thought were stupid wound up saving my life on more then one occasion.
There will also be suggestions that you will not want to do, do them!!! I sure did not want to look over my past and write down all the bad things I did and all the people I had hurt, I knew how messed up my life was, the last damn thing I needed to do was write that crap down! But my arse was kicked, I was willing to do what ever was suggested. Guess what? Writing that stuff down was the beginning of freeing myself from 40 years of guilt and shame!
Trish it is simple yet hard at the same time, follow suggestions and you will be fine, fight it and you will be miserable.
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