Going on 60 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1
Going on 60 days
Hey everyone. I read these posts all the time, but this is my first actual post. I have been sober for 60 days as of friday 12/28. I go to meetings when I have time and in general have had my ups and downs with it.
My situation is that my gf and I live together, she drinks on occasion, but over the holidays she has been at her parents and I have been here. I had a fairly bad panic attack on Monday night and she keeps booze in the house. Now, I didnt drink any of it but I did pour all of it out. I think I have to sit and talk with her about having it around. What is the best way so as not to sound insincere or accusatory. I just can;t have it in the house anymore.
My situation is that my gf and I live together, she drinks on occasion, but over the holidays she has been at her parents and I have been here. I had a fairly bad panic attack on Monday night and she keeps booze in the house. Now, I didnt drink any of it but I did pour all of it out. I think I have to sit and talk with her about having it around. What is the best way so as not to sound insincere or accusatory. I just can;t have it in the house anymore.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Glad you posted ....Congratulations on your sober time!
I think being honest is the way to go
Just tell her it's too tempting ...at least for now.
I did quit keeping alcohol around
Been working well for me for years.
Blessings to both of you
I think being honest is the way to go
Just tell her it's too tempting ...at least for now.
I did quit keeping alcohol around
Been working well for me for years.
Blessings to both of you
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Hi IllHawk ...
I agree with honesty.
You're trying to make a positive and permanent change in your life.
That has to come first. Just flat out say that right now, at this place in your recovery ... it is too distracting even knowing there is alcohol in the house.
It's like having a naked fat man in the next room.
Once you know he's in there ... you can't stop thinking about it.
You don't want to go SEE him - but you can't get it out of your head, either.
Ask her to help you. Because sometimes it's threatening to the other person's drinking habits or maybe it's their inability to objectively examine their own drinking habits... that starts a conflict in relationships.
When you are honest, and ask her to help YOU ... it changes the dynamic a bit. It keeps the focus on YOUR recovery, and THEIR drinking ... is moved out of any spotlight.
*in your favor*
Keep posting - let us know how it works out!!!!
I agree with honesty.
You're trying to make a positive and permanent change in your life.
That has to come first. Just flat out say that right now, at this place in your recovery ... it is too distracting even knowing there is alcohol in the house.
It's like having a naked fat man in the next room.
Once you know he's in there ... you can't stop thinking about it.
You don't want to go SEE him - but you can't get it out of your head, either.
Ask her to help you. Because sometimes it's threatening to the other person's drinking habits or maybe it's their inability to objectively examine their own drinking habits... that starts a conflict in relationships.
When you are honest, and ask her to help YOU ... it changes the dynamic a bit. It keeps the focus on YOUR recovery, and THEIR drinking ... is moved out of any spotlight.
*in your favor*
Keep posting - let us know how it works out!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
HI illhawk,
Barb and Carol are right. Be honest and people will understand. When I was in my early twenties - oh so many years ago - I used to pour the booze out, too - right down my gullet. Your solution works quite a bit better. My mom once called me into the kitchen and poured what she thought was a gallon of vodka down the drain in front of me. She said she was wasting the good booze to save my life. Unfortunately, she wasn't wasting any booze. I had refilled the bottle with water to cover up the fact that I had chugged down all the vodka the night before. Sad.
Keep up the good work. Mike
Barb and Carol are right. Be honest and people will understand. When I was in my early twenties - oh so many years ago - I used to pour the booze out, too - right down my gullet. Your solution works quite a bit better. My mom once called me into the kitchen and poured what she thought was a gallon of vodka down the drain in front of me. She said she was wasting the good booze to save my life. Unfortunately, she wasn't wasting any booze. I had refilled the bottle with water to cover up the fact that I had chugged down all the vodka the night before. Sad.
Keep up the good work. Mike
Last edited by mikel60; 12-27-2007 at 03:51 AM. Reason: spelling
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Hawk you have done what you needed to do for you and your sobriety, if your gf cares about you she will not be upset, if anything she should be happy you did it and support you.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
I do not like to keep alcohol around or have a stocked mini bar in a hotel room. Be honest - it's not about her, it's about you a moment of madness might make you grab it and chug it down! Ask if she minds, I'm sure she won't! Well done on your sober time and meetings route! It's great! 
Cathy31 x
Cathy31 x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 226
Welcome to SR, sorry about the panic attack and that booze still affects you like it does. I had this same conversation with my girlfriend and she didn’t seem to have a problem with my request. She respected what I was trying to do and gave me her blessing. Later as I got a sponsor got into the steps and I started to really read the Big Book and experience the promises first hand, paragraphs like the ones below started to make sense to me. Today she is my wife and she can have as much booze in the house as she likes, its her booze not mine. So if I have a good reason to be around alcohol I don’t hesitate. Every situation is different but for the most part no matter where I go I repel from alcohol as if it were a hot flame. Good luck with your situation and I look forward to your continued posts.
(BB pg. 99-100) Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic, who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever.
(BB pg. 99-100) Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic, who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Originally Posted by IllHawk 
I think I have to sit and talk with her about having it around. What is the best way so as not to sound insincere or accusatory.
Even if it's not the most eloquent moment you'll ever have, I think you need to be able to explain what you need. It's not like you are doing this to inconvenience anyone--this is something you NEED right now.
Perhaps you won't at some point like Treasure points out, and you can mention that, but right now you can't have it where you live and recover.
I certainly know I can't.
I wish you the best.
Peace
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