Robzoloft

Thanks everybody for all your kind words- but safe in the anonymity of cyberspace i can be honest and say I am f******* despondent...I feel so alone...disgusted with myself....I feel like I've broken my own heart....back to the hiding, the lying.....thank god drugs haven't reared their ugly head (yet)....I used to smoke crack every time I drank....at least I haven't done that in over a year....I am GD depressed right now...I know the feelings stem in part from the aftermath of drinking...tomorrows another day...I'm starting to get morbid in my thinking.....I have nothing more to say

nogard

I remember those feelinsg of desparation and lonliness. Relapsing is a part of our journey and is ok so long as we make it backand grow. I also remember that it gets worse if I keep using and eventually I disappear.

I have 2 years and 7 months up and am struggling with self worth, its no longer ok to see myself through others I am seeing myself as I am and that changes according to my head. Right now I just want to run away.

Lets agree to stay clean together. I will have a quiet day and look after myself (talk to sponsor and get to a meeting) and you could get some sleep and then on we go.

Kevin (hope grows to faith and then to trust and even as it wavers it remains no matter how small the voice its there forever)

CarolD

Depression is why I began AA.
Please consider that K?

trakin

Please hang in there Rob. And don't be so hard on yourself. Don't get morbid, don't drink and stay away from the drugs. You were doing really well. You and I both just have to start again...so let's just do that, and stop thinking so much.

gravity

And I hope that day is much better for you. Take it easy.

nandm

Rob, please do not allow a simple setback to become a roadblock. If you took a poll here at SR to find out how many attempts each person made at sobriety before they finally were able to find any sort of real success at it, I think you would find the truth of the matter is each of us has had many "failures" before we found any peace in sobriety. I tried many times to quit drinking over the 20 years that I drank. Even had dry periods that lasted up to a year. But ultimately until I found a program of recovery that helped me to change the things inside of me that kept leading me back to the drink, I was unable to stay sober.

You are not a failure, by any means. A failure is someone who fails to try. You had a setback. Consider it a learning experience. You came back here, you still have your support group, you still have a desire to see your life get better, you still have a desire to stop drinking, with all of those things in your favor it is only a matter of time before you find you are able to find sobriety and peace.

We've got a seat saved on the newbie bus for you. I promise not to put the whoopie cushion on it. Katz has cookies. Look forward to you spending some more time with us. Just watch out for cmc's driving she's got a lead foot..........:bounce

awake121207

Rob, I drove out to pick up tonight, and I truly believe it is only due to the bravery of those like you and the support of everyone on this site that I made it home only stuffed with junk food.

Hang in there. I have had enough false starts to know that you have to let yourself start again without beating yourself to death with guilt.

You are worth your next chance.