coming_clean

yes i'm back again to day one...i have exactly 20 hours sobriety under my belt now.

can't think of anything else to say right now.

theonlyway

Well........ Monday I was in bed most of the day hung over, so I really didn't want to drink.

Tuesday was AWFUL as I decided to make a decision to get help -- and didn't talk myself out of it -- and made it to a meeting... and without finding SR, I know I would have had a drink...... or two or four, who knows??????

Wednesday was an ANXIETY ridden day and I soooooooo wanted a drink.... or two or four, again...... who knows??

Today has been a GREAT day... Fabulous news from an old, very dear to my heart friend... a new born, healthy niece..... And I would think I would like a celebratory drink.....

So far so good. I've spent entirely TOO much time today hitting the "REFRESH" button on this website, just soaking in the insights and whines and information....

Onward......

scaredykat

Hi Guys, still not feeling well. I slept the afternoon away when I normally come on here. I hope i feel better by Saturday. That's my home group meeting and i don't want to miss it. Otherwise I'm doing OK. I'm still trying to get back into my recovery routine that i had before. My alcoholic brain likes to talk, but i just ignore it. I know it lies.

You write as much as you want theonlyway. A newborn baby is exciting. I never had any children myself. My husband and i didn't want any. But I love being a Aunt to all my neices and nephews.

Glad your back comingclean. Don't ever give up trying.

Barb

mxchaos

I don't really feel like I fit on this thread because I just had almost seven months clean before relapsing now I have 10 days and feel good about them. I didn't stay out long enough to have withdrawls and my mind stopped craving.

but with all that in mind stay healthy by excerising eating right and keeping busy one day at a time. Being sober does get easier each day you don't quit

scaredykat

I felt the same way mxchaos. I had 100 days the end of last year and relapsed on New Years Eve. My withdrawls were not to bad. mostly the insomnia. but that's going away too. I'm on day 6 today. I think my HP wanted me to come on this thread. LOL Now, I'm glad. Getting acquainted with some more people on SR.

Glad to see you back with us.
Barb

SF69

Ok, I'm at the end of my 5th day, and have really been tested tonight (though, this may be better for the 'whine' thread).

I get home from work and the paperwork for my DUI charges are in the mail. Ok, deep breaths, my lawyer said I should get in the the rehab program...

Then tonight is my bowling league night. A prime drinking time for me, but I just drank coffee. Not too bad, until half way through the first game, while trying to pick up the 10 pin, I miss in the gutter and my $180 bowling ball hits a loose bolt or something and splits in two.

I guess my HP is really testing me to see if I'm serious. I just kept repeating to myself something I read somewhere here about how no problem gets better by drinking.

So anyway, still sober, but I sure do feel crappy.

theonlyway

SF... Glad to see you're still here. Congrats on holding out today.

Wish I had something amazingly insightful to say about your terrible day, other than I'm sorry. I'm confident that the pro's here will be "on it" soon though.

You may feel crappy, but know that you SOUND positive... I had huge tests yesterday, I hear you on that HP. I think you're right - checking to see if I'm going to bail... But I'm still here!!

Actually hit meeting #2 tonight. Different meeting, different people... wasn't as "connecting" or inspiring, but I was there,... and for that I'm grateful.

oh -- and did I mention -- i HATE that 10 pin! ;0)

Mr. Patch

SF: That was a tough day. I am so proud of you for not picking up a drink. Don't know what I would have done. But, I must say, if it was a test... You passed with flying colors... WAY TO GO!:bounce

Coming Clean: I'm on day 7 today, (for the second time in this string) just don't give up. We all have a few (or more) false starts. Just keep up trying. You'll get there.

Scaredykat: Hope you get to feeling better soon. I HATE being sick... I've been pretty sick a few times and you have my sympathy.

Mxchaos: We all belong here. I had 60 days for the first time in 30 years and fell off the wagon pretty good around the holiday. I got back on and then fell off again. I'm back on today for day #7 and I am feeling pretty good about myself today. SR has been a big help. Keep posting, it can only help you as another resource.

Well, that's it for me today. Everybody take care. I'm off to play "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" with my kids. I'll bet that I loose.

SF69

Thanks Onlyway & Mr. Patch!

One thing I did pick up from going to the meeting last night was one man saying how for him by just talking about a problem, it helped lessen his urges. So I figured I'd try it here. And I got to say, it seems to work. Seeing your support and kind words has really lessened my craving to 25% of what it was. I can handle that.

And yeah Onlyway, those 10 pins are buggers!

PG1968

umm. going on almost 8 day's since detox. Been going to meeting's everyday. I have been trying to go to different meetings around town, until i find one I feel good with. The one person that I asked to sponsor told me to just call some of the numbers I had received.. but, said he would be happy to start going over the steps with me. I am not upset, but.. I guess I will keep looking. I have been taking Camprel for a week, it has totally brought the cravings down, however, the anxiety and anger is hard to control." I obviously have a lot of issues".. ha. I have done this before (abstained)and lasted 3 months, but without the help of the meds. It's seems more anxiety based at the moment. angry about the fact that everybody know's I have a drinking problem.friends, family, co-workers. I just get sick of it.. sorry about rambling. good luck everyone.

scaredykat

Glad everyone made it through the day.

Sorry about your bowling ball SF.

Barb

vashti45

So, I finally made it to my first AA meeting yesterday. Not without some roadblocks. The meeting I intended to go to had been moved to a different location (I had an old schedule). So I got a new schedule online and saw that there was another meeting starting an hour later a half an hour away. It wasn't a great meeting for me (for beginners, but no one with less than a year's sobriety except me, all men). I talked about my anxiety/depression leading to my alcoholism, and everyone commented that, for them, AA solved all of that. I have to admit that was a turn off for me, although everyone seemed well-intended. Maybe AA could "solve" my anxiety/depression issues, I don't know. But I doubt that it's that simple. When I hear, "you don't medication, you just need to follow the steps," I feel like saying (but didn't), "you don't need glasses, you just need to eat more carrots." ;-)


Anyway, that would not be my regular meeting, so I'm just chalking it up as another positive step for me in my recovery.

SF --- welcome to what I believe is mutual Day 6!

My thoughts are with everybody today. Barb, I hope you're getting plenty of rest, tea, soup and cuddling with kitties.

Jana

theonlyway

Hi Jana~
Congrats on the first meeting... I'm a day behind you and SF --only beginning day 5.
That first meeting is tough... I practically had to push my legs to move myself into that door.
I actually found a lot of connection there, after the official "start" - the moderator ask if it was anyone's first meeting -- I was the only one that said "technically" (as I'd been to an open one before as an al-anon member)... Anyhow, the people in that room looked at me, saw the fear on my face and the tear stains (i'm sure...) and the next thing I heard was "First Step?" --
And all around the table everyone nodded or said yup...

They all started speaking... Fabulous group of people... Five plus my dh... They spoke from their hearts and each and every one told an amazing story and MOST had something to say that I connected with.

After everyone at the table had spoken, the moderator simply said "You know, no one here HAS to talk. We love to have people introduce themselves, even if they just say 'i'm here to listen'... but no one has to talk."

At that point, I chimed in... Tears and choked up, somehow, my HP gave me the power to speak. I introduced myself, although that ended with my name... but I did open a little part of me to them. And afterwards, a few commented on my comments... and I left there more grateful than I remember being in a long time.

I did have a point, btw....... lol

Last night I went to meeting number two -- different location, different people... all men this time, pretty different forum... A few of them 'looked' at me... but no one inspired me, and i didn't connect with anyone.

I "expected" the atmosphere, the forum, the 'feeling' to be the same, -- or at least similar... it wasn't even close. Enlightening...

Anyhow, congratulations on your meeting. This board is fabulous, these people are amazing. Good luck on your meeting search. I know that tonight, on day 5, I will return to the original meeting location. They only meet there 4 out of 7 days... Little Penguin tells me 90 meetings in 90 days... I'm already behind because I missed one on day 3... but that "disconnected" meeting was a better place for me to be than the bar where all my friends were -- this I know.

God Bless....

Dean62

I have been drinking for 32 years now. I don't have much left in me. My last drink was yesterday around 6pm I think. I passed out and woke up around 10pm and have not been able to go back to sleep. I'm afraid to sleep. So far I have spent most of the evening reading posts here. The two things I want more then anything else right now is to never drink again and to drink again. You might say I am obsessing over it right now.

I have no idea if I am going to drink today or not. My wife said she will call my probation officer if I drink today and he told me if I drink again he will put me back in jail for another 6 months. I don't want to go back to jail but it did sober me up for 4 months last summer.

I want to go to a meeting today but it is so cold out and I have to ride the bus to get around although it's not cold enough from keeping from going to the liquor store.

I am rambling now. I just want to say I am glad I found this place and I hope to get to know you all.

Thank you.

theonlyway

Dean -
I pray that you find the courage here to take that bus to a meeting...
Listen to your heart, and your friends here...
Stick around... Best of Luck 2 u 2day...

SF69

Why thank you Vashti. And the same to you. It's going well
(so far), hope yours is too!

Onlyway, keep it up. I hope to keep seeing you that one day
behind well up into our hundreds of days and beyond.

And Dean, welcome. I'm new here too. The people here are kind,
supportive, helpful. So please stick around.

Anna

The thread continues:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1651029