Self love vs love of self
Life the gift of recovery!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Self love vs love of self
There's a world of difference between the idea of self-love and love of self. Self-love is a reflection of an inflated ego, around which--in our distorted view of our own self-importance----everything must revolve. Self-love is the breeding ground for hostility, arrogance, and a host of other character defect which blind us to any points of view but our own. Love of self, in contrast, is an appreciation of our dignity and value as human beings. Love of self is an expresion of self-realization, from which springs humility.
By the time I arrived at recovery, I was so beat up I had no love of self. I was the Impostor: acting happy and successful, but in reality I was terrified of failure. I lived with the constant fear that I would be "found out." I sought out continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, and burn-out. Part of what brought me to recovery was the fact that I hated being in my skin. No matter how well I did something I always felt it was not good enough. I was so afraid someone would figure out that I really wasn't good enough and then my world would crash down around me. These feelings only fed my lack of control over alcohol and the unmanagebility in my life. It brought me to the point of compete desperation. I was willing to do anything, go to any extreme to be rid of the way I felt inside. My bottom was not a an outside thing, such as lying in a gutter and being homeless. My bottom was inside, I could no longer live with how I felt inside.
Recovery has taught me to love myself without falling into the trap of self-love. It has taught me to have compassion and respect for others as well as myself. I can now set boundaries and take care of myself as I need to. I no longer want to crawl out of my skin. I am able to love others because I know what love is as I am able to love myself today thanks to the process of recovery. I do need to note that for me the process of recovery took and still takes working a program of recovery.
What are your thoughts and experiences on self-love vs love of self?
By the time I arrived at recovery, I was so beat up I had no love of self. I was the Impostor: acting happy and successful, but in reality I was terrified of failure. I lived with the constant fear that I would be "found out." I sought out continuous successes to maintain the mask of positive self-esteem, which lead to problems with perfectionism, procrastination, and burn-out. Part of what brought me to recovery was the fact that I hated being in my skin. No matter how well I did something I always felt it was not good enough. I was so afraid someone would figure out that I really wasn't good enough and then my world would crash down around me. These feelings only fed my lack of control over alcohol and the unmanagebility in my life. It brought me to the point of compete desperation. I was willing to do anything, go to any extreme to be rid of the way I felt inside. My bottom was not a an outside thing, such as lying in a gutter and being homeless. My bottom was inside, I could no longer live with how I felt inside.
Recovery has taught me to love myself without falling into the trap of self-love. It has taught me to have compassion and respect for others as well as myself. I can now set boundaries and take care of myself as I need to. I no longer want to crawl out of my skin. I am able to love others because I know what love is as I am able to love myself today thanks to the process of recovery. I do need to note that for me the process of recovery took and still takes working a program of recovery.
What are your thoughts and experiences on self-love vs love of self?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi nanm,
As is the case with your other post, this resonates with me. Even in recovery, if I am not working a strong program I can be my own worst enemy and critic. I feel like the imposter that you mentioned. I sometimes believe that
I am standing on a thin veneer of ice that will suddenly break and send me tumbling down. I convince myself that I am not worthy of the things that have happenend in my life. When I drank it was worse.
Recovery through the steps has taught me that the biggest lie I tell in my life, the most insidious form of dishonesty that I practice is the lyingthat I do to myself. I say I am no good, that God does not love me, and that I am unworthy of love.
That is dishonesty. The reality that you point out is tnat I am a good person capable of loving and being loved.
Thanks for another insightful post.
Mike
As is the case with your other post, this resonates with me. Even in recovery, if I am not working a strong program I can be my own worst enemy and critic. I feel like the imposter that you mentioned. I sometimes believe that
I am standing on a thin veneer of ice that will suddenly break and send me tumbling down. I convince myself that I am not worthy of the things that have happenend in my life. When I drank it was worse.
Recovery through the steps has taught me that the biggest lie I tell in my life, the most insidious form of dishonesty that I practice is the lyingthat I do to myself. I say I am no good, that God does not love me, and that I am unworthy of love.
That is dishonesty. The reality that you point out is tnat I am a good person capable of loving and being loved.
Thanks for another insightful post.
Mike
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
I have, up until a few years ago (and I sometimes go back there) have always loathed myself, I started a journey towards loving myself a few years ago and found that I can do it and I will continue to strive for it. Thanks for this thread.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Berea,Ohio
Posts: 397
Wow, this is good stuff.I was once over 400 pounds, and I would look in the mirror everyday, and see a beautiful face.I would spend hours trying new hairdo's, make up, etc. I never looked at the rest of me, because I hated what I was.
This real life metaphor goes hand in hand with how I claimed to love myself with relations with others.I would spend countless hours looking only at what I wanted from other people, and would do whatever it took to get what feelings I wanted from them.I never thought about their feelings about me, only how I wanted them to feel.Deep down,I figured I could only love me, if they did.I did not know how to truly find love of self.Self love was what I was seeking in distorting my visions of those relationships.
In recovery, I have learned to simply just live.To not try and force people to have emotions for me they would otherwise never have.I have learned to look at the whole view instead of just the part I enjoyed seeing.My eyes have opened to such a more beautiful view of myself and others because I learned to change.I love myself the way I should, but I will always need to stay in a mindframe or recovery to continue on this path.
This real life metaphor goes hand in hand with how I claimed to love myself with relations with others.I would spend countless hours looking only at what I wanted from other people, and would do whatever it took to get what feelings I wanted from them.I never thought about their feelings about me, only how I wanted them to feel.Deep down,I figured I could only love me, if they did.I did not know how to truly find love of self.Self love was what I was seeking in distorting my visions of those relationships.
In recovery, I have learned to simply just live.To not try and force people to have emotions for me they would otherwise never have.I have learned to look at the whole view instead of just the part I enjoyed seeing.My eyes have opened to such a more beautiful view of myself and others because I learned to change.I love myself the way I should, but I will always need to stay in a mindframe or recovery to continue on this path.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
For me..i had it define it more clearly so i wouldn't be as confused.lol
making amdends to my mother...
I love my mother...the question was...Did i cared for mother ?
I was so wacked when i hit the doors of recovery.. I didn't cared
too much of myself or anyone else. Once i started valuing my own
life i started valuing other's life as will.
something about learnding to have compassion.
the same as these two words...ego and pride.
As time gose and i learned more and more such as my emotions
I can distinguish between anger and resentments.
Afraid or Horrified.
Loving myself (self presevations,ego)..if use in this context, it would be self absorbing.
Loving myself (taking care of myself)..now..that takes work.lol
i dun no...i think those slogens or saying helps too.
"Check my motives"
making amdends to my mother...
I love my mother...the question was...Did i cared for mother ?
I was so wacked when i hit the doors of recovery.. I didn't cared
too much of myself or anyone else. Once i started valuing my own
life i started valuing other's life as will.
something about learnding to have compassion.
the same as these two words...ego and pride.
As time gose and i learned more and more such as my emotions
I can distinguish between anger and resentments.
Afraid or Horrified.
Loving myself (self presevations,ego)..if use in this context, it would be self absorbing.
Loving myself (taking care of myself)..now..that takes work.lol
i dun no...i think those slogens or saying helps too.
"Check my motives"
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Love of Self....
Hi NandM,
I love your user name. I have never had this self love vs love of self spelled out for me before...I like this...before I got sober a lot of self and being worthwhile came from the people I helped and not from within myself. :puppet
I could never put my finger on my depression/alcoholism and why I was so unhappy until I sobered up and got help for my depression again. I found out that I was self-medicating my depression with alcohol and making it even worse than it had been.
My Bottom truly was inside my body and head...I loathed what I had become and all the wasted years.
Everything I did want out of life came true after I got sober with AA and worked the program in my daily life. I had no idea what I wanted out of life while depressed and had no energy to find what I wanted.
As I worked with the Elderly on a one to one basis, I learned that I was a valued person and that these people did get help from me and I believe that came true because of my Love of Self.
It took me a long time to figure my life out and to figure out just what I did want to do. That is why I went back to college. I had taken all of the required classes but one Biology class to get into a Nursing Program and then decided I didn't want to do that.
When I got my BA Degree in Psychology I had decided I wanted to work at mental health if I could get a job there.
There was one opening that my counselor told me about but I had to be done with my counseling six months before I could apply and didn't know if the job would still be there...but it was and that is how I started a new career at age 50.
I did have the qualifications because I had already worked with the Elderly for ten years...so with my degree in psychology, I was set to go...and in two years was promoted to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor.
So...being sober was worth more than anything else in my life and I took advantage of what I could do sober and am ever so grateful I was given a chance to prove myself to myself.
kelsh
I love your user name. I have never had this self love vs love of self spelled out for me before...I like this...before I got sober a lot of self and being worthwhile came from the people I helped and not from within myself. :puppet
I could never put my finger on my depression/alcoholism and why I was so unhappy until I sobered up and got help for my depression again. I found out that I was self-medicating my depression with alcohol and making it even worse than it had been.
My Bottom truly was inside my body and head...I loathed what I had become and all the wasted years.
Everything I did want out of life came true after I got sober with AA and worked the program in my daily life. I had no idea what I wanted out of life while depressed and had no energy to find what I wanted.
As I worked with the Elderly on a one to one basis, I learned that I was a valued person and that these people did get help from me and I believe that came true because of my Love of Self.
It took me a long time to figure my life out and to figure out just what I did want to do. That is why I went back to college. I had taken all of the required classes but one Biology class to get into a Nursing Program and then decided I didn't want to do that.
When I got my BA Degree in Psychology I had decided I wanted to work at mental health if I could get a job there.
There was one opening that my counselor told me about but I had to be done with my counseling six months before I could apply and didn't know if the job would still be there...but it was and that is how I started a new career at age 50.
I did have the qualifications because I had already worked with the Elderly for ten years...so with my degree in psychology, I was set to go...and in two years was promoted to a Geriatric Mental Health Counselor.
So...being sober was worth more than anything else in my life and I took advantage of what I could do sober and am ever so grateful I was given a chance to prove myself to myself.
kelsh
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